Sunday, September 4, 2016 10:03 AM by *B R O K E N* L O S T*
I had been with my bf since 17 years old, straight out if hs. I am now 28 years old, so we've been together for 11 years. We have a beautiful 9 years old son together. For the first 9 years we lived together with his parents. 2 years ago we bought a house and had been living there fir 2 1/2 years. We had been arguing over dumb stuff fir the past 2 months or so, it got really bad that he had started to emotionally abuse me. He had absolutely no patience for me anymore, he would get upset for litterally anything i would say. He would yell at me , make me feel stupid, he would say things to me i never thought he would. He became to blunt and cold about the things he would say to me, make me cry and he wouldnt even care to see me in such pain. We had not been sexually like we were before we moved in the house together. It would only be every once in a while that we would have sex. The longest time i can recall going without sex was about 2 months. He was always "tired, stressed or sleepy", i woukd feel rejected sometimes when i would try. So fast fwd to date....last week i got a life changing phone call from an old friend. She coukdnt believe what she had seen. She said that she saw my bf with another girl eating at the restaurant she was at. They then walked to the car as a couple arm around wait and neck , she described. They even started making out in his car...I wouldnt believe it. I started screaming telling her that it wasn't him, he would never be capable of doing this this. She desired him and his car and sure enough it was him. My world came crashing down right before me. I couldn't breathe, talk, i was in shock. He had told me that he would be going to his friends place after work and ehat he was gonna be late. I waited for him at home for several hours. I gave him a chance to start speaking before me. He was in denial at first until i told him he had been caught with the bitch by someone i knew. All he could tell me was "im sorry" Thats all! He had this look on his face upset that he had been caught but didn't sound one bit remorseful. I cried to him, i said what i had to say and i told him i was leaving, he did try to stop me but just for our son. He said he didn't have feelings for me anymore but he still loved me. He said that we had become blahh, a habit. That little by little he stopped having feelings for me and he didn't feel the same just didn't know how to tell me. He had no intentions on getting caught. So this past week i had been staying elsewhere with my son. I went back to the house 3 times this week to swallow my pride and work things out. All 3 times i cried and humiliated myself practically begging him to not give uo on his family....he said "i gave up on you, not my family" he says it would never work out anymore. Because his feelings for me had been gone already. He admitted to going to a motel and fucking her, the week prior when he said he was working extra hours at work. He denies having feeling for the bitch that she is just a friend.....a friend with benefits that listens to him, nothing serious. That he had already told her that he did not want a relationship, strictly sex. He admitted she was getting feeling for him and that she wanted him all to herself. He claims he has no feeling for her but he just goes with the flow, telling her what she wants to hear! At this point all the damage he's done to me, i don't understand what would be the point of lying to me about his feeling towards her. He wants us to come back home for the skew of our son he did. Separate rooms, but as a "family for our son" he says he wants to be my best friend and be civil with me he said afterall we were each other's first everything! We lost our virginity to each other at 17. I had never even thought of cheating on him regardless how much he hurt me and made me cry. We were meant to be "together forever " we woukd always say. But now he has chosen to be fuck buddies with this girl. This was his official first "free" weekend...we have cameras installed at the house and couldn't stop checking them throughout the night to see if he had made it back home.......he didn't. Im sure hes still with her in bed at a motel. Their first whole night together and its killing me inside. I have had major anxiety. My arms, legs and toes have been tingling since i got that phone call last week. I cant eat, sleep or cant stop thinning about him. My heart litterally hurts so much. I cant even cry anymore, it just feels a part of me was taken. 11 years.....11 years and i still can't believe he threw me away like trash....i wish i had a male friend for comfort, to listen to me, to tell me everything will be ok. But i dont, i never had any male friends, i never had eyes for anyone but him. Not one guilty bone in my body. I didnt deserve this! Now i dont if i should go back to the house like he said or stay away. HELP!
Sorry for the long entry, i just needed to vent and throw my story out there and get some feedback. Those who took the time reading this, thank u so much, i really appreciate some advice! Men, it would be nice to hear your thought/perspective in things....THANKS!