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A good reason for her to cheat?

My wife cheated on me

Thursday, January 28, 2016 10:59 PM by Azjer Rating: +20|-15

So I have been married twice before to women that left or cheated on me . I met a wonderful beautiful women after being single for a year. I had three kids and so did she. She was also ending her second marriage (or so I was told) we started seeing each other and it was fireworks . After two months she wanted to move in with me and I put the brakes on. This is when the roller coaster started . Intense mind games and fear of abandoning on her part. I eventually went against my gut and she and her teenagers moved in. Great kids btw. Next few months went ok but then marriage came up . Again major fights with her building me up and tearing me down . Soon I couldn't take the mental abuse and lowered the boom and kicked her out . It was traumatic but she could not be reasoned with. She went from insults to begging me to take her back. It was hard on me. We continued to talk and then she informed me she was seeing someone after only a month. I knew the guy and he was a looser drug dealer and I warned her about him. She then used him like a tool to get me to care and so on. She started sleeping with him and pretended he was mr sensitive. Then it was like the world ended and she said she made s huge mistake and he was a creep and wanted me back . After a few weeks she seemed sincere and she ended up coming over and we slept together . Late in the evening she said she had to go home to her kids . Not unti a few months later after she moved backbout a year in did I find out she didn't go home that night but went to a bar with friends and met a guy ten years her younger and had a one night stand. This was horrible to find out and I almost could not deal with it. But I had her kids moved back in and everything . 6 months later the pressure came back to get married. She was having stress atacks and go cataton ic if we would fight or it seemed I was pushing her away. Finally I caved. We got married and all cleared up for a year. Then it started again. Jealousy , pushing, pulling, mind games....VERY abusive . I couldn't take it and asked her for a few days apart. She had a complete meltdown and moved out for a week, I sat down with her after a week. It was like the reset button was pushed and she was ok again. Fast forward 6 years after my ex killed herself and I had major back surgery and she.  had 3 female surgerys that didn't go well. We moved to Arizona and life was looking perfect. We were getting along good, her biz was good, weather was great , then she started messing up the checking acct ( forgot to mention she is the worst with money) I had to keep loaning her business thousands to stay afloat, every time she would say it was the last time and everything was fine now. Then one day I sit down at her computer and her Facebook was open. I find suggestive m They essages to guys I don't know. Turns out she had three guys she had never met that she was sending naked pics back and forth. I about lost it. She said she didn't know why it just made her feel good . I found almost 10,000 texts in three months. A lot of them while she was in bed with me. Then she tells me she went to a bar one night with her friend and a Latino airline pilot was flirting from across the room, her friend dared her and she went over and handed him her number. . They proceeded to text and later that night she drove him to his hotel and the had sex. Unprotected sex. She text him back and forth for two weeks and then he flew into town and she told me she had a business thing and met up and had unprotected sex again. They texted for two months after that sending naked pics. They would talk on phone too, sometimes right in front of me and pretend it was Someone from the biz. After all is confessed she realizes it's over and gets suicidal , I drive her to mental hospital and check her in for a week. Now she's out and it's been two weeks , she's on meds and therapy and says she dosent know who she's been her whole life . Doc says she has borderline personality disorder. She claims she's a new person now and wants me back and that she loved me and it was never about me. .....she says she will do whatever it takes, even if it's moving out for s year to prove to me I'm all she wants....question is... Is this s real disorder that can be fixed? Does she get another shot with meds and therapy? Or am I the stupidest guy on earth? I love her but have zero trust. I had to lock up my checkbook and debit cards and passwords a long time ago.......as I write this I see the obvious answers ...fuck me..

Tags: Abuse; Friend; Hotel; Kids;

Thank you for voting.

Comments

Friday, January 29, 2016 3:39 PM
ex

your a dumb ass

 
Friday, January 29, 2016 9:50 PM
Guest

I've been thruogh this same thing. She can't be fixed, dump her.

 
Friday, January 29, 2016 10:57 PM
Guest55

She used you and tricked you from the beginning. I say cut your losses and move on but, do it completely this time apparently this chick knows how to manipulate you. She plays on your niceness and morales. She appears to be slightly nuts so, I say do what you have to do in terms of safety as well. Have all parameters covered if you leave her because she will go batshit crazy. Also don't let her use your kids or her kids against you. People can play on your conscious when the people you love are involved.

 
Saturday, January 30, 2016 6:51 PM
Guest

Dump her, you don't know what disease she'll eventually give you, besides that, you deserve so much better!

 
Saturday, January 30, 2016 8:55 PM
Azjer

thanks everyone , yes everyone tells me I'm a dumbass and way to nice. She uses every trick in the book. I have an exit plan, going to take some time but it has to happen. Life's to short and I just want peace. 

 

 
Sunday, January 31, 2016 7:29 AM
Guest

I'm glad you saw the answer for yourself. You aren't a dumb ass. You want it to work. You want to see the best in it. Doesn't make you dumb or weak or naive. It makes you human. Trust your gut and walk away from her. 

 
Monday, February 1, 2016 11:03 AM
Thom

Good luck man, in whatever you choose. But to be clear, you're not a dumb ass, you are TRUSTING! And that's not a bad thing. The bad thing is someone using that trust and then you being called a dumbass because someone is manipulative and sick at your expense. You must do what is right for you, as it is clear you've given this woman more than enough of your time to prove herself worthy of your life and love. If she hasn't, then it's time to move on.

 
Tuesday, February 2, 2016 5:54 PM
Guest

Make her do nasty naughty things for you and your friends and then dump her ass out the door...lol

 

 
Wednesday, February 3, 2016 1:08 AM
The Bad Doctor

Hi Dude,

 

I would have left her from the very first episode. Blame yourself mate. You seem to be longing for a lady in your life and that is whats keeping you from looking outside. You also have low self esteem and you would rather keep her than to go outside to find someone that knows that you are deserving. She is an extremely manipulative lady and is using those weaknesses you have to get what she wants. You made the mistake of exposing yourself to her unfortunately. 

 

Women are meant to be fragile and stuff in this case you are the woman, you are wearing the dress and have been for a while. Time to MAN UP dude! Your kids need someone much better that that girl, you need someone that wont bring heartache and funny sexual diseases to your home.

 

Trust but dont be naiive, remember to not ignore that inner voice, I'm pretty sure its been yelling at you for a while now. Dont worry about the time and resources wasted. Its a lesson.

 

Regards 

 

The Bad Doctor 

 
Sunday, February 7, 2016 3:29 PM
Guest

Run!

 
Wednesday, February 10, 2016 9:26 AM
Guest

BPD can't be fixed. In the spectrum of women with mental illness, the BPD's ones are easilly the worst. They have a way of draining a man's will and turn him into a shell of his former self. Leave as soon as posible, but be ready. Talk to a lawyer, document everything; things are going to get pretty nasty. 

 
Thursday, September 15, 2016 7:17 PM
TheBestAdvice

BPD is a real problem and it can't really be fixed.  At best she can learn some coping skills. If you stay with her your life will continue with episodes like this. BPD people are experts at manipulation. Run, run, run. 

 

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