I met a cute guy in a city nearby where I was visiting to repair one of my houses. I wasn't looking but I'd thought id try an app for the first time. We had coffee and within a few weeks we were official. We visted eachother every weekend, and by the time he was spending the summer it was like a fairtale. Little did I know I was becoming entagled in an ever thicker web of lies. Our "fairtale" had some dark secrets brewing and these secrets and incidents were impending soon after we returned to school in the nearby city where he lives.
I didn't think him cheating was even a possibility. And then it happened: one night he was really turned off when we were trying to be intimate before he had to go to a meeting with classmates that night back home in his nearby city. He said the stress was not letting him get into his time with me. We ended up making him late for it and one of his classmates left early so it wasn't the best meeting i guess.
Afterwards (in those 2 hours) he was apparently falling asleep and didn't talk much and at midnight we made an exchange i said my i love you good night/ sweet dreams/had a great weekend with him/ he's beautiful etc... he replied that he loves me more that anything in the world/how wonderful it was to have fallen asleep in my arms/ that touching me is like touching an angel....
But then I fell asleep without replying again to that wonderful message/reply to my goodnight! I wish i did maybe because he had stayed up quite late that night apparently on a gay hookup app which he downloaded that night, started talking to guys, one guy in particular....
Yet still in the morning things continued as if nothing happened: he said his usual good morning handsome to me... and I told him how wonderful he was and sweet etc in response to his wonderful message from the night before...
However apparently he kept talking to this guy!!!!!, then at 1 pm... IMMEDIATELY after his Monday classes... he had this guy pick him up (and while he was waiting for the guy he kept fully texting me just as he had been all morning D: ) Annnnd.... in a 42 minute pause between his replies he got in this guys car, then went and parked, and did something for the guy and went back to school and resumed texting me as if nothing had happened!!!
He had complained of a headache earlier but when i asked if he was feeling better he said he was feeling better, and we kept texting and snapchatting. The texts were pretty flat... not too exciting.... just talking about life for each of that day.
The first signs of guilt showed up late that night, after midnight maybe when he sent a few snaps of him sitting on the floor in his room and he looked like complete and total crap.
...and I also started to feel bad.. before those even! I described it to him just before midnight as 'I was just feeling slightly less happy than usual. Like a little bit down.' He asked if i was okay and I'd said "meh no usually i'm always happy even if something momentarily annoys me i'm still actually happy" (((Honestly i am a super happy person, i'm really happy with my life... so it was odd for me back then haha))) Then I asked to call him....
And on the phone I told him of a dream i had woken up to that morning (Monday)... In the dream i was pulling one of those Asian cart taxi's and he was in the back and sitting with another guy and he was putting his arm around this guy... then the next scene he was in my house sitting on the living room couch and a guy was sitting with him and he was straddling the guy and giving him a back rub.. i was doing the dishes looking over and seeing it... in the dream.
Then we said good nights... I said I love you handsome etc and he replied with a similar i love you too handsome etc text. I replied back with a bunch of emoji and also added that i loved him oodles.
The next morning i asked how he was doing and I said it felt like he was off, i asked a couple rounds and he said he was fine, then i said he should be able to tell me anything, and he said he knows he should. I then oddly persisted and asked what was on his mind. He replied saying he would talk to me about it next time we see each other and that he loves me. I was like oh wow i didn't realize there was actually something big to talk about. etc
We didn't talk about it much that day but in the night he posted an Instagram with a caption/ picture that just made me feel concerned -he looked like crap again and i called him to ask about what he wanted to talk about. He said he wouldn't talk about it except in person, and i got the idea of what it was, and at 130 am i left and i drove from 2 hours away to see him!
That night he told me a version of the story where the guy had only texted him that morning (so he wouldn't have to admit to downloading and continuing conversations on that hookup app from the night before) and that he thought it was someone else until he got into the car but ended up caving to the pressure anyway. (To give excuse as to why he agreed to meet up with the guy)
Monday the week later: (Weekend after incident)
I told him i needed to talk to him after his classes were done. I said he hadn't told me the whole story. (It just felt off) And he went and said he guessed he would tall me then changed his mind and wasn't going to, then i pushed more... and he told me he had actually met the guy on a sex app the Sunday night, the night before the Monday incident. He had said that he had only downloaded it that night and it was because he was mad that i made him late for his appointment.
Then the weekend after that: (2nd weekend after incident)
Then when he was visiting the next Friday he added that he had also downloaded, used, and then deleted the app for "1 hour" but hadn't talked to anyone. Then on the Sunday he admitted that he had talked but it was only for an hour and didn't go very much past a few hellos.
And so that about summarizes what happened and gives a snapshot of how I feel. The thing is he is a wonderful guy. He has cried and cried and cried so much over the last month while talking about it. I love him so much and he says he loves me as well. I forgave him after both versions of the story. It was easy the first time because it sounded like it was just being overwhelmed by the moment and it reflected my worries that he wasn't so good at being strong and saying no. Then the second round/ third round was more difficult because these showed him to be pursuing it and not just being pursued. We are still working through it and I'm still forgiving him. Its just super difficult. I din't think he was capable of doing something such as that... much less pursuing it then sneaking it into his day and only admitting it because i had quite a few intuition triggers that made me pursue the truth. I guess im just at a loss. I've never cheated on anyone and couldn't see myself in that position. I'm also a fairly strong/disciplined person (but caring and nice). I just question him so much in my mind... wondering if he told me the whole truth, how is capable of it, if he would keep things from me in the future, if our relationship wasn't as wonderful as i thought it was.
I am just at a loss. Im just holding on tightly and forgiving and getting past this... but i dont know if thats in my best interest. i love him. I feel like i couldn't find another relationship that makes me feel so happy
But wait thats not all! What you've read so far was only what i had told a friend and the story continued:
* I found out later it was a well planned cheat. he had asked me if i can see his location when he doesnt have wifi (find friends app) I said no. and he said he had asked me so he could supprise me he surrounded this inquiry with expressions of love, and at the time i had brushed it off and chose to trust. Also, with him living far away its hard for him to randomly suprise me... and no he never did - but he did cheat a few days after asking that. he later admited that is why he asked and he was already on the app talking to people
* I also learned that he did in fact sleep with a Tennant at one of my houses in the past. He had previously lied and said he didn't. (He felt that lying to a direct question about it was protecting me?) I really don't care at all. I'm just freaked out that he lied.
*He had also slept multiple times with a mutual friend(before we were together), and the mutual friend recently told me about it!!!. Even though I'd also asked the direct question to him and he said nothing had ever happened- with that one especially I believed it 100% so was pretty shocked when the friend spilled the beans to me. He felt like I should know considering all I've been through with the guy recently. And worse is my boyfriend wasn't honest to me about it and lied about it in so many many many ways to cover it up.
* we had a fight and he cheated on me again. he removed me from the find friends app, (said he wanted us to build trust in each other by not knowing where eachothers location) and WAS IMMEDIATELY on the gay app, sending nudes (DPs) to anyone nearby and MET a guy all while I took a nap! he eventually admited it and said nothing happened (not my fault the guy was unattractive compared to me)
*he asked me for a threesome with a girl because he is bicurious. jokingly, we had a fight over and and he said it was just a joke. them later he admitted he actually thought "it would be nice" to have the experience of sleeping with a girl.
*I saw a pretty girl(ive met her) send him a teasing flirty message with a red heart. he had said they are just friends and she has a boyfriend. thing is she has no boyfriend whatsoever to be noted on social media. i haven't pressed him anymore on it. now im concerned he might be pursuing his interest in testing the vag experience.
*I caught him with the sex app still registed to his email eventhough he said he had delted the account. (so i made him delete the account and he claimed it was an old account from highschool and he claimed he didn't know he had it. there are reasons this doesn't work out logically... anyway.
*he compulsively missleads me lying about his schedule. if he has a class at 10:50 he will tell me he has a class at 10 am. the whole semester has gone by and i dont know when his classes are because of this constantly telling me different things. not to mention, the whole sh*t storm about his scheduling work in his homtown while he is supposed to be staying with me and working here. he only makes minimum wage and makes better money here so it makes no sense why he cant work here either. he also has, i know for a fact, the ability through his boss to take as much of the summer off as he wants and still return to work in the fall.
*Im also concerned about sketchy meetup messages i saw on his phone where he agrees to meet a guy, asks the guy where he lives, if he lives with his parents (no) and if his roommates will be there. which is a lot of questions to ask by a normally not very contientious person - if he was to meet this guy to just innocently hang out. sounds like he was concerned about things he wouldn't normally be.