Tell Us Your Story

Story of Cheating

<
Share Your Story
Read Stories
>
Subscribe to Stories:

Again

My wife cheated on me

Tuesday, June 21, 2016 8:18 PM by Jabberwock Rating: +9|-5

Hi. 

In 2005, when my then-girlfriend had gotten a new job, I had to deal with a bizzarre summer that left me in therapy, only to be told there was nothing wrong with me. Let me explain.

We were together 4 years - we dated one year, then got an apartment together. Closing in on year 4 together, she had gotten a new job -at the behest of her parents, who thought she wasn't making enough money at her current one. At this new job, she told me about this kid - a male co-worker who was 4 years younger than her - who seemed really ambitious, and had figured out a way to bypass normal protocol to get a promotion out of their department. She said that if I hear her mention him, it's because she was speaking to him to get tips on how to do the corporate job thing, as she had no clue. This was in the middle of her getting increasingly sexual with me on one side - albeit it in an more impersonal way - and also initiating fights, mostly about getting married. She'd yell at me about not having proposed yet, not knowing I was secretly shopping for a ring. I kept telling her to be patient, and that if I proposed because she was yelling at me to, it wouldn't really be appropriate. This initiated one large 'fight' that seemed to be one-sided. She kept avoiding contact with me - things like me just putting a hand on her back or shoulder - and when I complained about being rejected, she blew up and from that moment on said the fight made her feel 'estranged'. She said she didn't know what that word meant, but that's how she felt. 

She started going to more after-work functions, and said she was having coffee with this new co-worked to pick his brain, get some tips, and to talk about a book he was writing. Said that I should go out with my friends too, as it would be good to have more things outside the relationship to talk about. I was feeling really strange about the whole deal - in a sort of shock, feeling like I had caused this 'estranged' feeling, and stupidly agreed to let her hang out more. 

I asked point blank if I should be worried about this guy, and was told no, he's just some kid. Well, moths of gaslighting later, I ended up finding a hotel bill in her jeans, missing condoms, and emails of them flirting with each other. I was, at this point, convincing myself I was crazy and imagining things, and she encouraged it. But when I conronted her with the hotel bill. shit hit the fan. Denial, the usual, and eventually - with me pushing for weeks - het admitting, kinda, to being in a depressed, weird, 'addict' phase and that she would stop doing what she was doing.

The only reason I didn't run was because she was right - she, underneath it all, seemed more scared and confused than anything else. I thought she might be a bit mentally ill, something I had dealt with in my family growing up, and was a little too understanding about.

Months passed, then a year, and she had given up all contact with him. She was herself again, and our relationship was normal again. I waited until 2008, and then, figuring things were ok, and that I could forgive a confused girl one messed up incident, we got married.

Years later, we have a house and a child, and it's been tough for her to be a mom - she doesn't seem to understand kids, and I have done most of the work in trying to take care of him. She loves him, but just doesn't seem to have it in her to adapt to being a parent now. She does work, we do things together, but it's lopsided. The kid has her wrapped around his little finger, and it makes it hard to co-parent. I'm tired, overworked, and perhaps haven't been able to give everything to the relationship that I should.

Then, a couple of months ago, I start getting that random anger directed at me - not the post-baby, pre-menopausal anger I've grown accustomed to for the last 4 years since our son was born, but that scornful anger and distancing that was familiar years ago. I heard her mention that at one work conference, a colleague pointed out a customer and said he was going to go big things in research. That he'd cure cancer, that he was in a band.. and she told me about this 'kid' again, once. The red light went off above my head, and I started looking for signs.. and sur enough, that subtle contact was made from her to him - donating to a race he ran, then a mail saying congrats, and only if they could have met in another life. Then another, saying it was good to see him at work, and that his eyes and smile were distracting.. but he never responded, so her fishing was unsuccessful. In the meantime, she's been in 'crazy' mode again, listening to the same songs on  her phone over and over and over, exercising in the living room every free second while watching the same tv shows over and over.

My wife is either bipolar, borderline, or just not grown up after 40 years. Or, this is just how she is. I care for her, but if this is a pattern to be had over and over again, I don't know what to do. 

Thinking back to storied she told of earlier boyfriends, it seems it's a pattern - be with one guy 4 years, then start fights, find a new guy on the side, reach out to initiate some 'innocent' contact, then once the new guy is secured, either dump the old guy or make it so miserable he dumps her. And the old guy has no clue there was someone else.

She hasn't reached out to this guy in a couple of weeks now, so maybe this episode has passed. I'm in a different situation now - married, home-owner, child - so I'm not confronting at the moment, sort of observing to see if it will reach that point .. but this is not how I enjoy living.

 

Tags: Hotel; Kids;

Thank you for voting.

Comments

Wednesday, June 22, 2016 5:51 PM
Guest

you will regret waiting to see things play out. I guarentee it. 

 
Thursday, June 23, 2016 10:03 AM
Jabberwock

I'm waiting because, from past experience, I don't really have enough hard 'proof' to knock her back to reality, or to build a case should I opt for any legal measures. From what I know, if I play my hand now, I'd be confronted by lies and deception, more denial, and I'd lose my ability to gather more info. It's not through being naive I'm taking this approach. I hope so, anyhow.

 
Thursday, June 23, 2016 2:10 PM
Guest

She is selfish. She fishes for attention. She is propably just sexually attracted to the other guy hence her need to always reach out to him. That being said she is propably with you because she is comfortable with you. I say you need to talk to her and let her know this is unacceptable. Unless you guys have an open marriage then she should not try to be with/flirt/sleep with anyone else. You question her mental illness and that can be difficult but need to stand your ground. There is a difference of being passive and not seeing that her mental health is allowing her to be manipulative towards you. If she snaps and goes crazy then she should find the help that she needs. Stand your ground, give yourself respect, or be the husband that gets cheated on every couple of months when his wife feels like it because she is in a "mood." 

 

 
Thursday, June 23, 2016 4:25 PM
Guest

From what you tell, she seems to have some kind of personality disorder. You should do more research on it and perhaps you will se some pieces of the puzzle coming together. If you weren't married and with a kid I would suggest you to end the relationship immediately. But now you have to be careful. She will deny everything, and will find a way to make you look like you're the paraboid and carzy one. Also, and this is very important, try to protect your child from your fights the best you can.

 

Good luck. You don't deserve this turmoil. You should think of the best way you can get out of this relationship.

 
Thursday, June 23, 2016 7:17 PM
Guest

Prepare, you are in a tight spot with a kid. Unless you can prove that she is an unfit mother, the assinine courts will give the crazy bitch custody and your son will be fucked. Talk to a lawyer, explain your situation and plan your divorce carefully. You may need to involve a forensic psychologist to do a report on the harm your wife is doing your son. If she uses drugs of any kind document it. Record her rants and nastyness. Your life is ebbing away as she runs the crazy meter. 

 
Friday, June 24, 2016 9:33 AM
Jabberwock

I had mentioned bipolar because of the cyclical natur of her moods. And it's been worse since having a child and passing 40, but it's always like two or three different people that change places over time.

TO the poster that suggested a personality disorder, that's my second take.. tied for first take, really. It's extremely hard to have any sort of conversation about anything serious without some sort of 'I don't know what you're talking about' or immediately trying to push the matter back on me with an 'well what about you..?". Then there's the anger, the rants..

I'm keeping my phone handy to get any of her outburts against me or my son recorded. The sad part if, when 'normal', she really seems to love him, and care about 'the family'. It's just that 'normal' can change at the flip of a switch. Our son absolutely loves the three of us together.. any breaking of that would devastate him. Tough spot. Which is why if this latest incident - the first in 10 years, the first since we were married - is just an emailed attempt at a flirt that went nowhere, I dunno. I dunno. I'd have thought she'd get her issues under control by now.

And yes, I make sure to keep a calm voice around my son whenever shit hits the fan. Or, I take him out to do something fun if she's volatile. For him, I want to at least show there's a proper way to deal with emotions.

 

 

 
Friday, June 24, 2016 10:26 PM
ALF

I'm not clear on where you want to go with this, but if you are considering staying with you wife she must get into individual counseling to deal with her issues before you do any couples counseling.  Sounds like she should have been in some sort of counseling or treatment a long time ago.  She needs to get herself sorted out, basically to find out if she wants to be in a relationship, before you can work on the two of  you.  If she is unwilling to get help with her issues, you should consider walking away.  And take your son with you.  That is no way for the two of you to have to live.

 
Saturday, June 25, 2016 9:33 AM
Balls deep in your wife

send me your wife's number I want to beat cheeks with her

 
Friday, September 9, 2016 5:27 AM
Collier

When she first gaslighted you, you should have run.  Now you have a child with the crazy narcissist and are making excuses to continue to accept bad behavior from your wife.  I guess this will end when you contract HIV or some other disease from you crazy wife.  I, as a narcissist, am never amazed at the lengths to which you regular people will go to continue to accept being abused by us.  I am an aware narcissist and must work everyday to keep from treating my wife like your wife treats you.  I must admit, I kinda get a thrill out of reading these stories.  They remind me of the good old days of my own gaslighting, manipulating and controling exploits.  If you have any pride or self respect, you will LEAVE NOW.

 

Post Comment

* - Required Fields

Hot Stories

Wednesday, September 21, 2016 6:37 AM by T
 
logo
Views
6531
Comments
7
First of all, I hope to receive some advises. I'm very conflicted ever since I cheated on my bf of 2 years. I don't want to lose him but I do feel bad for this secret. I went on a study abroad trip to Jamaica this summer, as part of the student Corp program thing at my college. My bf was concerned but mostly about my safety. My girl friends told me to bring condoms but I never did. I stayed wi..
Tuesday, September 20, 2016 4:46 PM by Ashamed
 
Confused +9|-3
logo
Views
5460
Comments
5
I started dating my wife when I was 13 years old married her when I was 20 i work my ass off to try to do everything I could for her and my children soon as I leave out of town with my kids for a week after 17 years of marriage my wife goes on Craigslist with a stranger and screws him 2 nights in a row letting him do things to her she has never asked me to do once I get home I'm suspicious and sh..
Tuesday, September 20, 2016 11:05 AM by Guest
 
logo
Views
3395
Comments
7
Iv been with my fella for 10 years I love him to bits I am a shy girl I guess I wanted to get pregnant my fella didn't want us to he always wanted to use comdoms when we have sex I started going out with my mates never really use to i stopped takeing my pill few days b4 I went out and I was having a fab time me and few mates went back to a house party and I started to have sex with this lad I nev..
Expert's opinion is limited to the information presented, and is to help you consider options; it is not and cannot take the place of a counseling session. By reading this, you agree that none of the experts offering information are liable for actions you or others take. If you feel that counseling could be helpful, please look up counselors available in your area.
Copyright 2016 Story of Cheating All Rights Reserved. Contact Us