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All My Eggs In One Basket

My girlfriend cheated on me

Friday, August 5, 2016 8:29 PM by Jordan Rating: +15|-4

I had it all. Mechanical engineer graduate, loving family, many unique hobbies, and most of all a girlfriend who (so I thought) cared so much about me. 5 years, poof gone with a blink of an eye. Cheated on me in the bathroom of a church and got caught by her friends. Like out of a freaking movie. I was lied to, blamed for being a bad person and having a hard past. I never knew a person can be so horrible and inconsiderate. Once I found out the truth -that she cheated on me; she just disappeared off the face of the earth. Forever. Funy though, you could say this person I thought I knew became dead to me the moment I found out they were unfaithful. Oh how the mind has a funny way of working. 

Taking her for granted and being too involved in my new career led her to get attention elsewhere. Now, the one thing I have going for me is in jeporady. Binge drinking for weeks on end has led me to a depression where I purposely crashed my car drunk in a ditch and have received a DUI. My parents see me lost and I feel so bad for them. I take responsibility for my actions as a person, but seem to always catch myself faling back on feeling sorry for myself for letting somebody I once loved turn into a whore and hurtful person right before my eyes. 

I blame myself. For foolishly relying on someone else to keep me strong in times where I felt weak. I am learning to be strong for myself but it takes time and much soul searching. I blame myself for dating my first and only women so far simply because I felt I was in control of the relationship and she was a women that was lucky to meet a guy good looking and smart like me. I blame myself for staying with her when I did not like her lack of intelligence as we grew together and the way she was insecure and envyed my accomplishments when my view of the relatioship was always that we were together as a team. But most of all, I regret letting myself settle for someone when I knew I deserved someone so much more who has the same values as myself in life. Someone who falls hard and is mature and respectful.

Now I am alone. Still tasting every once and a while that sting that I have in my mouth that I will never truly receive closure. Never will I see my ex girlfriend face to face again since she knows I know the real truth. I don't get how someone can erase a person they knew for 5 years so easily. I would own up to my mistakes for the sake of not making the time we once had go sour. But I guess that's the diference betweem maturity and cowardness.

The difference between receiving the truth and enabling someone the mercy of moving on, and just dealing someone the most horrible hand ever of letting them have to pickup crumbs and find closure through the fact that someone they thought they knew inside and out was letting someone else cum in their mouth.

 

 

Tags: Dating;

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Comments

Saturday, August 6, 2016 8:19 AM
James

‘I had it all’ and believe it or not, now you have more than what you had before! Sometimes you gain something by having something you don’t need, something negative removed from your life. Life can be good and beautiful and sometimes it can be hard and still beautiful . . .but your life has to be real and true. And the worst way you can live your life, is to live a lie. God really blessed you by revealing to you the truth. . .just think about it: she was caught in the church bathroom; who cheats in church, rather who gets that horny to screw in a church bathroom. As you mature as a Christian you will learn to see Gods hand in situations you list expect.

 

Some guys never find out about their cheating girlfriends, and end up marrying them, having kids with them or raising another mans kids or getting STI’s.  And if she had been caught after marriage she’s the type of woman who would have instantly filed for divorce.The type that never admits to fault, blames you and will never appologize, even if you are wiling to forgive. ‘not recomended by the way’ They have to much pride.

I went through a similar experience with my ex and I couldn’t help noticing some similar behaviour with your ex : my ex also envied my accomplishments even though I viewed ourselves as a team and even supported and encouraged her in her endeavours. And yes, she also cheated on me. She wasn’t apologetic and I left her. . and I started improving myself and my ideology to align it to the word of God : How I realised that true happiness’ can never be derived from somebody else, even from your lover. Etc I know how painful this experience is for you, the depression, the self-low esteem, the anger. . .but I promise you after all is said and done, you will emerge much stronger, mature and wise. Right now I am a better version of myself, it’s amazing. I am emotionally stable, confident, not desperate, I notice behaviours in relationships I wouldn’t have never noticed before, I am not needy at all, I have no ego issues, I have amazing self-control, my emotions don’t affect my perception or behaviour. . . and even women notice it, it’s like they can feel the essence of the man I am inside  . . . it’s amazing. But you will have to go through it, don’t get drunk and self-distruct, allow God to see you through.

And you are falling for the classic mistake and lie: blaming yourself for her infidelity. I have known women who were married to abusive men they loved, and never cheating. Women in relationships with serial-cheaters never cheating, despite getting ample opportunities. She no longer loved you and might never had. Always separate your love for someone, from their love for you. And your love for her could have blinded you from the truth.

You do not need closure and an apology in order to heal and move on. You just need to make up your mind to heal and move on. You have the will and power to control your thoughts and emotion.

Delete your ex from your life as much as she has deleted you, assign zero to her and what you thought you had with her. Don’t hate her, ‘hating her is giving her value’ just make her any other ordinary person, you know nothing about. That there, is true power. And yes it can be done. Very soon you won’t care who she is with, or whoever cums in her mouth . .what she did and what she does will have no power of any kind on you  . . .and that is how you overcome!

After many moths of my ex ignoring me, she started trying to get me back, even wanting to be friends . . .saying how much she misses me. But I had already transcended. . .I was no longer a victim of my desires.. . .my emotions no longer had  power to affect my intelligently made decisions. . .I could see things clearly, for what they really are and not what I wanted them to be . . .she had no power over me. . .I didn’t even have the need or time to even reply . . 

I was already settling in Europe ‘originally from Africa’ working on my MSc in Telecommunications research under a prestigious scholarship and enjoying quality time with amazingly beautiful, independent and inteligent European women.’ I am not implying that African women aren’t’. Infact I am starting to discover the qualities I really appreciate and want in a woman.

Jordan you aren’t weak you are strong . . stop drinking, you got an DUI and now you are getting your parents worried . . because of what a whore did ! Don’t be a victim but overcome. . .start absorbing the pain, without doing something stupid. . .and each day you will heal and get stronger. You are reacting to the pain, but start responding to it! Don’t do what every guy would do, you are not every other guy, you are Jordan, you are a monster!. . .you will remain strong were others were weak . . .I want you to stop running, and feeling sorry for yourself . . . I want you to turn around and look at that demon straight in the eyes and tell it to bring it on ! And when all is said and done you will be even stronger than ever before!

 

 
Saturday, August 6, 2016 9:18 AM
Jordan

I want to express my sincere thank you for the kind words and guidance. It is time I transcend as you have outlined. 

You have mentioned something to me I never thought  before. That god showed a sign by having her cheat in a church. People who know me know I never believed in god. I would almost laugh at the thought of a higher power. When I crashed my car and did not care anymore.... I felt god take the wheel. He stuck my car on a rock and did not let it continue. 

I never put the dots together. I never looked back and connected the dots with my experiece with god recently to her cheating on me months prior. There is most definately a sign that god was helping me.

God did help me remove something negative in my life. But he knows I am the most stubborn person alive. It had to take this to make me realize.

Thank you James

 
Sunday, August 7, 2016 7:25 PM
Lonely Husband

Jordan, I feel for you man. I was in the same boat as you. Stay Strong. This too shall pass !

If you wish to read : http://storyofcheating.com/story/shocked---devastated  

James, That's some good advice. im happy people like you still exsist :)

 
Sunday, August 7, 2016 8:35 PM
Guest

I hope you find closure, I read an article about how much harder it is to let go if the person just dissapear, If you decided to look for her I hope you find her just to yell at her face, I think that will make you feel better, also don't waste your life for that kind of person, we all have wounds and out there you'll find love again with a woman that respects you, being in the same situation I feel so distrustful of men but I have to have faith and hope I'll be happy again 

 
Tuesday, August 9, 2016 1:54 AM
ALF

The girl cheated on you in the bathroom of a church.  That's scraping the bottom of the low-class barrel dude.  You are better off being rid of her.  Don't worry about where she's at.  Rejoice and be glad that she's gone.

 
Tuesday, August 23, 2016 11:49 AM
unknown

Jordan, thank the lord you are fine and survived the accident, this is what is most important, count your blessing everyday for the gift of life, the gift to be surrounded by your loving parents and family. James said it all so well and spoke the truth, Thank you James for people like you that still exist in this world., please re read re read and read all that James has said, It makes so much sense, stop giving your ex power she does not own you, take over your power and control its YOUR LIFE not hers, never blame yourself for her actions, she is a cheating and not trusting person whom you do not need in your life, stay away from distructive people be around people who are real who are postive and who value all your about, mostly take care of yourself the most important person of all, pray, eat, smile at the world, stop, listen, respect, thank God everyday for removing that type of person from your life, and be grateful for the ones who bless your life. God bless you Jordan and hang in there because with all this experience life will only give you peace, a place where there is no noice or troubles, a place where you are calm in your heart, only good things will come your way. Thank you again James ! your one of a kind, peace out.

 
Wednesday, August 24, 2016 8:07 AM
JAG

James that is some good advise !  Jordan, we often enter into relationships blindly and swept up with passion and an idealized perception of who our partner is. Most of us are totally unprepared for what lies ahead , and ignorant of what is required of us to stay the course, we may think that we know what it takes but the truth is that most of us are clueless, affairs shocks us into reality, but it also gives us the opportunity to grow, to learn, to soul search and to realize that this ex of yours was not for YOU.....be thankful she is out of your life, but mostly be thankful you are healthy and safe, you seem like a real intellegent good guy, stay in control do not self distruct as this will get you no where and only loose all that is truly important in your life, over what? a girl who is clearly not in your league and to put it mildly " a STUPID person" yes "STUPID",  as you can see she does not have much intellegence or imagination and she will go through life making discisions that seem to lack common sense like she just acted in God's home???? who does that????  " yes sensless, unintellegent people"  when you said you had it all ??? You had garbage. " YOU NOW HAVE IT ALL"......you have more grace then you can ever imagine and you will have more grit and vision because of this. Stay in control, stay safe, let God see you through this.

 
Wednesday, August 24, 2016 1:15 PM
Guest

wow 5 years and she threw it all away in a church bathroom.... envy your accomplishments ......... you lost what exactly ?

 
Monday, August 29, 2016 5:34 PM
Jordan

Just want to say thanks all of you. Even though deep down inside I know it. Reading and hearing what you guys say really helps my mind see the reality of the situation. I've been trying to focus on work lately and get everything back on track and being truly content with myself alone. Without someone else there for me to care how my day went, ect. Its so ironic, how I have to learn to not have someone else that cares about me anymore, yet, the one person I was used to usually being there for me on a daily basis actually freaking cared about me the least. 

This month has been a big turning point mentally. For the longest time I felt stuck in this black hole of anger. Questioning so many things, and wanting so many answers. My pride had the best of me. The alchohol and destructive behaviour was merely blocking the reality I did not want to face and accept. I used to long for the day I would eventually face my ex again and have to force her to look at me in the eyes with me knowing the hurtful things she has done to me. To tell you now, if she would be sitting accross a table from me, I would have nothing to tell her. I would rather not be taken to those thoughts anymore, they are already burried for me now. 

I honestly havn't thought of my cheating ex girlfriend in almost a week. And when I do now, its not the same as it used to. Everytime they arise, the thoughts and emotions appear much more faded and blurred. Everytime something triggers the thoughts of my ex, it's not as vivid as it used to be. Almost like theyre slowly drifting away. And I do finally feel that one day they will drift far enough that iit was like she never existed. For me atleast, that's a huge step knowing I can one day reach that state of mind.

Now, if only I could  trust women again. Haha. But that's a story for another day.

 

 
Tuesday, August 30, 2016 10:01 AM
Faith

Jordan,

you may encounter many more defeats, but you must not be defeated in fact it may be necessary to encounter the defeats so you can know who you are, what you can rise from and how you can come out of them......"Have enough COURAGE to trust one more time and ALWAYS one more time.......~"Maya Angelou"~

 

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