Friday, August 5, 2016 8:29 PM by Jordan
I had it all. Mechanical engineer graduate, loving family, many unique hobbies, and most of all a girlfriend who (so I thought) cared so much about me. 5 years, poof gone with a blink of an eye. Cheated on me in the bathroom of a church and got caught by her friends. Like out of a freaking movie. I was lied to, blamed for being a bad person and having a hard past. I never knew a person can be so horrible and inconsiderate. Once I found out the truth -that she cheated on me; she just disappeared off the face of the earth. Forever. Funy though, you could say this person I thought I knew became dead to me the moment I found out they were unfaithful. Oh how the mind has a funny way of working.
Taking her for granted and being too involved in my new career led her to get attention elsewhere. Now, the one thing I have going for me is in jeporady. Binge drinking for weeks on end has led me to a depression where I purposely crashed my car drunk in a ditch and have received a DUI. My parents see me lost and I feel so bad for them. I take responsibility for my actions as a person, but seem to always catch myself faling back on feeling sorry for myself for letting somebody I once loved turn into a whore and hurtful person right before my eyes.
I blame myself. For foolishly relying on someone else to keep me strong in times where I felt weak. I am learning to be strong for myself but it takes time and much soul searching. I blame myself for dating my first and only women so far simply because I felt I was in control of the relationship and she was a women that was lucky to meet a guy good looking and smart like me. I blame myself for staying with her when I did not like her lack of intelligence as we grew together and the way she was insecure and envyed my accomplishments when my view of the relatioship was always that we were together as a team. But most of all, I regret letting myself settle for someone when I knew I deserved someone so much more who has the same values as myself in life. Someone who falls hard and is mature and respectful.
Now I am alone. Still tasting every once and a while that sting that I have in my mouth that I will never truly receive closure. Never will I see my ex girlfriend face to face again since she knows I know the real truth. I don't get how someone can erase a person they knew for 5 years so easily. I would own up to my mistakes for the sake of not making the time we once had go sour. But I guess that's the diference betweem maturity and cowardness.
The difference between receiving the truth and enabling someone the mercy of moving on, and just dealing someone the most horrible hand ever of letting them have to pickup crumbs and find closure through the fact that someone they thought they knew inside and out was letting someone else cum in their mouth.