Monday, February 20, 2017 7:48 AM by Guest
I struggled to find the right person. My first girl friend cheated on me with my cousin. Another girlfriend cheated on me with my best friend. I walked in on another girl cheating on me with her “friend”. Then I met my wife at the age of 26. She was much younger. I figured that was a good thing, because the older girls my age were the left overs that no one wanted. The good ones tend to get taken when they are young. When I met my wife, I was very taken back. She was quite a bit taller than I am. She lived in the ghetto. She had been a foster child and had been sexually abused. Contrary to my logical thoughts, I was drawn to her in a strong way. The more I tried to get away from her, the more I was drawn to her. I was very attracted to her, she was a quiet, homebody, which is what I wanted. I married her a year and a half later. We had 3 kids. I taught her to drive or she probably never would have. I taught her to shop. I taught her to take care of herself. I struggled to give my heart totally to her because I had been cheated on so many times. I struggled to trust people in general. I had plans to better myself in life. My wife disagreed with every plan I ever had and fought me. She refused to cooperate. She wanted to take charge of everything. She sabotaged everything I would try to do to better our lives. I started my own business. She would complain that I wasn’t working enough, even though I was making good money. She wanted me to go work for someone else and make half as much so that I could work 40 hours a week. This didn’t make sense to me and we fought about it continually. I gave her my heart and tried my best to be a good husband and make her happy. I told her she was beautiful all the time, I spent a lot of time with her. I pleased her well in the bedroom. After we had been married for about 10 years, she began to say things that I thought I would never hear her say. “I want a divorce”. “I am not happy”. One day, I realized that I was going to lose her if something didn’t change. I caved in to her. I began looking for a job to work for someone else. Every job I got was a disaster and even the ones before I had met her were a disaster. Always a controversy and always I am the center of it from the moment of being hired with no way to fix it. She got worse about the issue of me working for someone else. I knew I was in trouble and desperately looked for a job and couldn’t find one. “You aren’t trying hard enough” She would say, or she would say “Don’t worry about it” and I would think she meant “Don’t worry about it”. Her mother died and she was heart broken, but wouldn’t let me comfort her. 3 weeks later i had a horrible reaction to an antibiotic that messed up my mind, body and couldn’t think, I couldn’t remember things, I was confused, I had insomnia, I had anxiety to the point of suicide. She met a man on that same day. He began sending her messages on FB and trying to get with her. One day, she went over his house and he gave her a drink. He played the guitar and sang for her. Then as she was leaving, he kissed her and she got upset about it. Then she began seeing him and having sex with him as I was completely messed up. She slept with him for 6 months. She lied to me. She had a threesome with him, then on Sundays she would go to church and teach Sunday School and pretend to be a good Christian. After her affair ended with him, she began looking for another affair. She went on Craig’s list and found men and messed around with them. Made out with them, touched them. Went to a Baseball game with a complete stranger. Then she found another man to have an affair with. She would meet him in the park and have sex with him and let him cum inside her. He gave her herpes. She gave it to me. One day I was on the computer after she left her windows open and found the emails between her and many different men talking about sex, ect. When I confronted her, she tried to deny, then admitted it. I was completely blind sided. I never expected this from her. She had been a really good mother and wife. We had a phenomenal sex life. She bragged to me about her sexual experiences. She even punched me in the stomach a few times when I tried to stop her from leaving. She put me through hell and now wants me to love her the way I used to. I can’t. I struggle to forgive her. I struggle to be happy anymore. All I think about is how she betrayed me and my love. I did finally give her my whole heart only to find that she was shitting on mine. Everyone loves her and thinks she’s this wonderful person. I used to too. Now I hate her. I have tried to keep this secret from everyone I know. I have only told those who are not close to us. I can never be the same. I feel like my hopes and dreams have been destroyed. We have 3 kids. To leave her is to lose them. They are my life. To leave her is to lose everything. I don’t think I could survive if I left and I am completely miserable being with her. She has changed so much since I caught her. She runs around now like a bat out of hell and won’t ever relax from the moment we get up until about 9 or 10 at night. Then she is so crabby, she yells and pushes me away and is a miserable bitch all of the time. I can’t believe she is the same person she was 4 years ago when all of this began. I told one of her lovers fiance, now spouse about it. She married the bastard anyway! My wife utterly refuses to tell me the name of the other guy. Sometimes I just wish she would have a heart attack and die for what she did to me and our family and because she is such a miserable bitch now. I feel like it can never be good again and like my life is ruined. I was so happy before, even with all of our problems. Now, I am completely miserable.