Wednesday, June 1, 2016 12:40 AM by Terry
I was with the same woman for 12 years, married for almost 4. We both work in the arts and were frequently spending (too much) time apart. I caught her having an affair with a wealthy foreign man 15 years her senior - and when I confronted her about the affair she continued to lie to me about it. I always thought that if I caught a spouse cheating, that would be it, I would walk away without any second thoughts...but that isn't how I felt. I genuinely wanted to talk with her and work through this. She refused to speak to me, however, before returning to France to be with her lover for 3 weeks, knowing that I knew what was happening and (presumably) not caring that it would rip my heart out. That's when I knew. I filed for divorce immediately. In some ways it was so traumatic to be betrayed by such a narcissist and not even see it coming (I felt like such a failure in many ways), but in other ways it was so much easier to cut the cord and divorce her with confidence, knowing that I was making the right decision because she was being so incredibly cold and uncaring. I have way too much self-respect to stay in a relationship where I'm treated like that. I know other friends that are going through divorce now - and many of them struggle with breaking the bond with their spouse, so I see the ways in which my situation was merciful. I knew she was not worthy of my love. At the same time, I was truly traumatized by the betrayal and will have a long, hard road to trust another woman. I struggle with depression and serious trust issues and I'm just over two years out of the marriage. Oof. That was a doozie. I have to admit I've been really pissed off by all the forums assuming that the cheating spouse is always the man. I was loyal as a golden retriever and she was a lying, adulterous narcissist. And I've heard similar stories from other male friends. Maybe it's the circles of acquaintances I have (working in the arts) but it seems to me the majority of cheaters are the ladies. Of course, I'm wounded and bitter so I admit my percpetion is likely skewed.