Friday, May 27, 2016 10:49 PM by Disaster
My boyfriend and I have only been dating for a month. He said I love you really quickly; after two weeks. I said it back, but told him a few days later that I only love who he is and how I feel with him, but that those "forever love" feelings weren't there for me yet. The other night we had a little argument, not that it had anything to do with my actions, but after I left I cheated on him. I saw an old friend from my past. I really don't even like this person. But it happened so quickly. He was so persistent and kept grabbing me and saying he wanted me so much. I had slept with him in the past when I was single but there were no feelings. As I tried to leave he tried harder and I caved. In the middle of it I felt like I had lost my mind. But I didn't stop him. I left immediately after. I saw my boyfriend the next day but his mom made me dinner and I just couldn't tell him with her around. We didn't sleep together that night, and I told him the next day. He was angry, but mostly because I said I wanted the relationship to end. That i wouldn't work through this hurt the most. I feel disgusting and horrible and unkind. I just don't know why I had such an issue saying no. And honestly I have done this to other boyfriends in the past. I feel like I really need to be alone and work on myself and my unhealthy patterns. I feel like there is something wrong with me. What I did was selfish and I didn't even really want to but I did. I knew it was awful and I let it happen.