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Cheated and told him immediately

I cheated on my boyfriend

Friday, August 26, 2016 5:33 AM by Guest Rating: +9|-4

I was with my boyfriend for three amazing years. Many of my friends for the last few years had been using dating apps as fun activities to meet new people and often come across funny profiles and share them among each other. My boyfriend and I used to download the apps together and laugh at people. However, one time was different and I decided to actually use it. I liked the attention. One thing led to another and one person actually got me to come out and hang out with him. I kept telling myself that nothing was going to happen. I am too strong to let someone take advantage of me because I just like the attention. We ended up having sex in his car in a park parking lot on a dark and rainy night. I never talked to that person again and have no way of contacting him even if I ever wanted to. I felt like throwing up the whole time and I was quite buzzed/drunk off of wine. It only lasted for about 5 minutes and I did not let him finish because I ran out and drove home to my boyfriend. I felt sick and did not tell anyone for a week. I lost about 10 pounds from not eating but I knew I had to tell someone. I told an old friend who told me immediately that I must tell my boyfriend. So I did and I watched his world fall apart. I knew that he deserved the truth and that he needed to know what I did. He yelled at me and cried and stormed out of the house. I did not see him until much later that night when he came home to pack a few clothes. He was going to his parents' house but did not tell anyone what transpired between us. We tried to make things work like him moving back to the house but sleeping in a different room but I was on a downward spiral.

I kept acting out like getting drunk and making it worse even though we gave me another chance and allowed me to rebuild his trust. Eventually we broke up because things were too difficult for him, understandably because I was handling my issues wrecklessly. In this time his mom was so concerned and wanted to know what exactly went wrong. He told her that I cheated and she wasn't phased. Early on in his parents' marriage, his father cheated on his mother and came home and told her immediately. She forgave him and took him back and they have had the happiest marriage for over 30 years. Because of her insight my boyfriend took me back and we have been working through it these last few months. He is still very hurt and I have been as transparent as possible.

I live with the guilt and I know I deserve to feel the guilt for my actions and the pain I caused. We have talked many times and he wants to work through this with me. At this point it has been about 6 months since and our relationship has grown and developed wonderfully. However, he has revealed to me that he cannot sleep well when we are apart. He lets his imagination run wild and still feels like there is something missing although I have told him everything. I wonder if there are any others out there who have endured through obstacles such as this and persevered in their relationships.

Tags: Dating; Friend;

Thank you for voting.


Saturday, August 27, 2016 4:41 PM

It never ceases to amaze me how people will say how wonderful their relationships are, but then allow a few minutes of indescretion destroy it all.  If your time with your boyfriend was so amazing, what could have possibly made you use a dating app?  And the guy you hooked up with cerrtainly wasn't a class act, considering all you ended up doing was having sex in a car on a dark parking lot.  The relationship you had before is gone, it went up in flames on that dark, rainy night.  You have to start at square one and rebuild again.  And, you have mistrust working against you this time.  You may thing things are progressing wonderfully, but it could take years to heal all the wounds.  Your boyfriend has every right to feel the way he does.  If you're serious about having a relationship with him, you're just going to have to knuckle down and bear it.  If not, exit stage left.

Sunday, August 28, 2016 12:34 AM

You need to let him cheat on you. This is what you set yourself up for.

Sunday, August 28, 2016 1:08 AM

Individual and couples counseling might help. Even then your boyfriend might not still recover from the infidelity. You did well telling him about it. Trust is easiest thing to give someone you love, but the hardest thing to rebuild once it has been broken.   It will take time maybe a few years. Even if you show all the love and remorse, it still might now be enough. Just do your best and hopefully your SO will forgive you  entirely. 

Sunday, August 28, 2016 3:43 AM

Being cheated on is the worst emotional turmoil in a man. It's a mixture of anger, regret and helplessness to return things to the way they were. The gut is constantly in turmoil, nervous, an image of something out of that cheating flashes through the mind at random, flushes the body with heat, sweat gushes and if in bed you just toss and turn and even angrier because you can't get sleep to function the next day... Repeat ... Day in and day out can wear the person down and if he can't shake it off, you won't be around too long because people need sanity. No 20 second orgasm is ever worth a lifetime of mental turmoil, but cheaters don't understand that. 

Sunday, August 28, 2016 4:56 PM


Sunday, August 28, 2016 6:55 PM

If it gets better, it will take many months, maybe years. And it will never be completly better. You should know he will never look at you the same. You will never be trusted the same. You will never be loved the same. And that's the best case scenario. What you did is literally disgusting. There isn't a more dispicable thing you could do to the person who loves you unconditioanlly.

Monday, August 29, 2016 1:34 AM

I have been an amazing relationship for eight months where my boyfriend has been my rock through some very hard times this year. A few days ago he admitted that a week before he had been at a wedding where had gotten blackoutdrunk. He said he remembers a girl approaching him, her at his door (he was sleeping in the same building), her taking her clothes off and then him on top and that he became conscious of what was going on and stopped everything immediately and didn't have sex with her. He told the girl to leave and spent the rest of the night crying over what had happened. He says he barely remembers the night but that when he became conscious he stopped. He said he had to tell me because he couldn't start a life with me based on a lie and has been remorseful ever since and willing to do anything to build trust again. He has previously cheated on an ex but under very different circumstances, their relationship was volatile etc. Though this is no excuse. I don't know what to do....he was honest, and he stopped before it turned into sex, he told me about his ex as he wanted to be as honest as possible. Any advise?

Tuesday, August 30, 2016 1:46 AM

To the guest above:

No foul on your boyfriend's part here.  He did the right thing across the board.  Technically he was assaulted.  He fended off an attacker, and did't try to hide it from you.  If you're going to be angry with anyone, it should be the girl who tried to jump him when he was incapacitated.  And...anything that happened between him and an ex is not an issue between the two of you.  Don't make it one.

Friday, September 2, 2016 8:56 PM

Expect that the trust will never be the same. Your BF has found out you are not the girl he fell in love with. He will eventually realize That girl never was. Now you'll have to see if he can fall for You instead. It will be work and he will have days that seem like the old relationship is back. He will probably have more days when he acts like he doesn't know you or even doesn't like you.

 Be prepared to put in the work or leave now and save the trouble. 

What you did wasn't a mistake. It was a choice. He will never fully trust your choices again.

Wednesday, September 7, 2016 9:45 AM

To the 8 month relationship guest:

I don't know anything about you of your BF.  He may be telling you the truth. He may be lying.  Sometimes when someone is  very indiscreet and do things that they shouldn't do in front of others, they will later on concoct a cover story that will be more acceptable to the other person than the truth. In other words, suppose a lot of people at the wedding saw him with that girl, kissing her, making out with her, going back to the room, etc. If he thinks you will hear what happened from someone, he may be telling you what he told you so that if you hear it from someone else you will think that you've already heard that it and you won't dig deeper.

My suggestion to you is that you ask around and find out what happened at the wedding. Don't tell people the story our BF told you, or the people may just go along with his cover story. You should also tell your BF that he has only one chance to tell you the complete truth. If he says he's told you everything and later you find out more he will probably claim that it was because he was drunk and didn't remember.

Again, I don't know the truth, but your BF's story really stinks.  It just doesn't seem to be the way the world works.






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