Friday, August 26, 2016 5:33 AM by Guest
I was with my boyfriend for three amazing years. Many of my friends for the last few years had been using dating apps as fun activities to meet new people and often come across funny profiles and share them among each other. My boyfriend and I used to download the apps together and laugh at people. However, one time was different and I decided to actually use it. I liked the attention. One thing led to another and one person actually got me to come out and hang out with him. I kept telling myself that nothing was going to happen. I am too strong to let someone take advantage of me because I just like the attention. We ended up having sex in his car in a park parking lot on a dark and rainy night. I never talked to that person again and have no way of contacting him even if I ever wanted to. I felt like throwing up the whole time and I was quite buzzed/drunk off of wine. It only lasted for about 5 minutes and I did not let him finish because I ran out and drove home to my boyfriend. I felt sick and did not tell anyone for a week. I lost about 10 pounds from not eating but I knew I had to tell someone. I told an old friend who told me immediately that I must tell my boyfriend. So I did and I watched his world fall apart. I knew that he deserved the truth and that he needed to know what I did. He yelled at me and cried and stormed out of the house. I did not see him until much later that night when he came home to pack a few clothes. He was going to his parents' house but did not tell anyone what transpired between us. We tried to make things work like him moving back to the house but sleeping in a different room but I was on a downward spiral.
I kept acting out like getting drunk and making it worse even though we gave me another chance and allowed me to rebuild his trust. Eventually we broke up because things were too difficult for him, understandably because I was handling my issues wrecklessly. In this time his mom was so concerned and wanted to know what exactly went wrong. He told her that I cheated and she wasn't phased. Early on in his parents' marriage, his father cheated on his mother and came home and told her immediately. She forgave him and took him back and they have had the happiest marriage for over 30 years. Because of her insight my boyfriend took me back and we have been working through it these last few months. He is still very hurt and I have been as transparent as possible.
I live with the guilt and I know I deserve to feel the guilt for my actions and the pain I caused. We have talked many times and he wants to work through this with me. At this point it has been about 6 months since and our relationship has grown and developed wonderfully. However, he has revealed to me that he cannot sleep well when we are apart. He lets his imagination run wild and still feels like there is something missing although I have told him everything. I wonder if there are any others out there who have endured through obstacles such as this and persevered in their relationships.