Saturday, July 16, 2016 6:37 PM by Helpless girll.
Me and my boyfriend, 'John', have been together for a year and a few weeks now. Before I got with him I had a boyfriend and I thought I loved him but he cheated on me and I wasn't surprisingly too hurt by it. I guess we just said we loved each other to keep masking that we weren't the ones for each other. So after that relationship, about 7 months later, I met my current boyfriend 'John'. We started off as just friends, of course. Then we got to know each other and we fell in love. Trust me, I'm trying not to make it sound boring but that's how we met. No big deal. So we were just madly madly in love. We loved eachother so much and would do anything. Absolutely anything for eachother, we fought a lot, yes. But we always fought through it. He is it for me, he is going to be my husband and he is going to be the father of my children. I only have eyes for him and don't see any other guy as someone I would even try to care about more than 'John' . So we're both really young. I being 18 he being 19. In January he let me know that he wanted to join the air force and would be gone for 8 weeks for camp. Of course I was sad, so so very sad. It would not only be sad because of the 8 weeks but come on. Who wants their bf to be in that? (Although there is nothing wrong with it. Thank you to all who have served) but I was just very worried. So through the 8 weeks I was pretty much either asleep or trying to keep myself busy. Since they're not allowed to have their phone except on the 7th week which is prepping for graduation week. He got his phone on the 7th week for one day, which was graduation day. On that day he text me and man was I elated. He accidently added me into this group chat and it was with a girl. So me being petty lol.. I asked her who she was and she told me that she was Johns girlfriend. Now I never suspected that he was ever cheating on me because I'd be on his phone all the time and he'd let me go through everything and anything and I knew all his passwords and everything so I had no idea how. But he managed and she was being very nice and civil. So I talked to her and found out that they'd been together for 3 months. I was broken, I told him and he said yes it was true and apologized with all of that "I swear I only was in love with you" shit. So when I found that out I was eating with family because it was on a Sunday and after church. I walked out and just completely broke down. Crying and screaming after I got away from civilization and my family. I hurt so bad and wished to just never known that he was cheating. It may seem stupid but Im to this day not as happy as I was before. I wanted to die.. that's what love can do. It can singlehandedly kill you without a weapon. And I was begging it would just put out this pain. By this point my family was of course wondering what happened and went looking for me and blah blah blah. My cousin found me and asked what's wrong and I made up an excuse about my anxiety. My heart literally hurt, when people say it doesn't effect you physically, it does. I felt it through my whole body. I just wanted to pass out, I was so exhausted, so drained. I felt it through my arms, my jaw, my legs and my chest. Mainly my chest because it felt as if I was slowly shutting down. I ended it with him and when he came back I was far gone into my deep depression. I would lost a ton of weight, lost a ton of sleep and a lot of my will to live. Im not going to go to detail but he wouldnt be ready to hear what was running through my head. He can straight to my house and tried to talk to me but I was just not ready to even think of him. Lord I was dreading him coming. I knew he was so it was simple, just break up with him. Right? No.. no no. That's not what happens when you give your all to someone you love. That's not what happens when you don't have the strength to try and find someone you know you wouldn't be as happy with as him. Him. He was the one that deliberately made your smile shine, your face glow. He was the one that ruined everything you thought was love. He was the one that swore to the gods that he loved you. I bet he was telling me he loved me while he moaned her name. I couldn't get over him, I was drained every single day. I couldn't help but think of all the countless times he made me happy. So I got back with him, to this day I still cry at night thinking Im not good enough. I'm not this and I'm not that. So no, I'm not completely happy but I'm not lost. Itll take patching but it won't be so soon. This isn't the best ending but when is there a good ending?