I posted on here almost a year ago about finding condoms and lube in my wife's purse.  It turns out she was cheating on me.  She broke down and cried and said she was sorry.  Like an idiot I felt it was my fault and forgave her.  A few weeks went by and things slowly started to improve.  We even started having sex again.

But it didn't last.  After a few months the secret texting started again and she was frequently going out on errands.  One day her work phone dinged with a text notification while she was in the other room.  I picked it up and say the brief message from a coworker of hers asking her if she "wanted some more early morning lovin".  I questioned her about it and she denied even knowing the person and said she gets wrong numbers all the time.  I let it go thinking that I was just being paranoid.

Fast forward a few months.  She comes home from work in the middle of the day because she was feeling stressed that her mom was in the hospital.  Which is understandable, but the strange thing was that she went upstairs to the office and quickly used my laptop, claiming that she had to do some banking. I waited for her to leave and used my ipad to remote into my laptop. I checked my browser history and saw that she was on my email and facebook accounts.  She had blocked someone from contacting me. It turns out it was the wife of the guy who had sent her the text a few months back.

when she came home I questioned her about who this person was and of course she knew that I knew. There was no hiding it. She had been cheating on me the entire time that we were supposedly trying to make our marriage better. Its been about a month now and I am at my absolute breaking point. She says she wants to work on our marriage and try to save it, but I don't belive her. She just wants to keep living in the house that i bought her that either of us can afford to live in alone. I am almost ready to leave her, but part of me still loves her. Is that sad?

My head is screaming at me to get away from this abusive relationship, but my heart tells me that its worth the pain as long as she is in my life.