Thursday, September 15, 2016 2:53 PM by Guest
This is a long post, sorry! So I guess I should start out by telling a little about my husband. We met right before my 17th birthday, he was 24. We started talking casually and then started a relationship. My dad had custody of me and I grew up getting physically abused by him. My dad would hit me so bad sometimes that I couldn't walk until the next day. Anyways, when my dad found out I was dating this older guy he was more than happy to get rid of me and kicked me out at 17 with no job, no money, nothing. So I moved in with my husband, and shortly after that the abuse started. He kept trying to get me pregnant, and ended up achieving that and I suffered a miscarriage from stress. Then he wanted to get me pregnant again shortly after the miscarriage and decided he was going to try. He ended up raping me after I told him no, and that I wanted him to stop and use protection. That's how I got pregnant with our now 3 year old son. He abused me constantly throughout my entire pregnancy. He would pin me down on the bed and choke me, pull my hair so I couldn't get away from him, I had new bruises on my body every day. I was in the hospital so much from Pre term labor problems due to stress and the abuse. We got married 5 days after my 18th birthday. So the abuse continues after my son is born. I've been a stay at home mom since I delivered our first son. I have no money of my own and no help/support from my family. I went to a divorce lawyer after our son was born and got divorce papers drawn up. He came home early one day and found me filling them out. He pushed me down on the bed while I was holding our infant and choked me until I let go of the papers and tore them up in front of me and said "that will show you to ever try to leave me again". So time goes on and I start having really bad pain during sex. I finally went to my obgyn and found out I had caught chlamydia. The only man I had ever had sex with at the time was my husband. He was the only man I had ever even kissed. He wouldn't fess up to cheating on me. We were about to buy our first house whenever all of this happened. I hated his fucking guts at the time. He knew how pissed I was at him, he started to treat me a little better. Then after we moved into our new house (and we were both cleared of the chlamydia), my friend was over and we all got drunk. My husband had sex with my best friend of 10 years in front of me! Then a month later I get pregnant again. While I'm pregnant with this baby he runs me over with our SUV, and I go stay at a women's shelter. It was filthy and wasn't a clean environment for my son. My stupid ass ended up going back to him. During the rest of the pregnancy I was in the hospital having to get hooked up to ivs to get fluid because of how sick I was. I couldn't even keep water down. My husband was working 18 hour days and wasn't there for me at all during that pregnancy and I was having to take our two year old to the hospital by myself while hooked up to ivs and fetal monitoring. I tried to get an order of protection during this pregnancy but because I didn't have bruises on me at the time they wouldn't give me one. I also called divorce lawyers and they said the divorce couldn't go through until the new baby was born and has a SS number for child support. I delivered this baby and the physical abuse isn't anything like it once was. But he still berates me and talks down constantly to me. Tells me if I go out and buy anything for myself I'm going to ruin this family and make us go poor. We have the money and I just want to go buy clothes for myself occasionally. He's not romantic, never buys me anything, doesn't listen to me, rapes me, and doesn't treat me with respect. I have been telling him that I want a divorce and how I'm unhappy and in my mind were already separated. He told me he will make the divorce process a living hell for me and will stalk me, take our kids away from me because I don't have any money of my own to take care of them, he'll kill any other men if I start dating. So recently I sexted a guy and the attention and how he made me feel felt amazing. I didn't talk to that guy again after we sexted. I met this guy recently online. He told me I would be safe with him, that he would give me the support I needed to leave my husband, blah blah. So I decided to meet him. When we started talking after I got in his car with him he told me I was to do everything he wanted me to do even if I was uncomfortable. I told him no and he wasn't giving me an option. He also took flattering photos and sent them to me and didn't look anything like what he did in the photos. I also found out he was 37 (16 years older than me) , and had three kids. He had lied about a lot. He took me to one of his rental properties. When we arrived I was freaked out and didn't want to go through with it since he had already threatened me about not doing everything he told me to. He told me to suck his dick and get on top of him so I did. I felt at this point that if I didn't comply he was going to rape me anyways. I fucked him on top for awhile and then he rolled me onto my back. He came within 5 minutes of us fucking and said it was because I was so tight. I felt disgusted and awful. I wanted to run away from him. he took me out to lunch and had no table manners and didn't want to pay for my part of lunch so I had to with my debit card. He ended up dropping me back off at my car later on and told me he would contact me later. So basically I feel disgusted and I already know I'm a piece of shit. Do I tell my abusive husband because I feel so guilty or do I live with the guilt? I know I'm the one who made the decision to cheat and put myself in this situation and cheating is incredibly fucked up and I was naive. But I just wanted to feel loved and safe by one man since all I've ever known is abuse.