long story short here.... Boyfriend and I were together on and off for about five years with many problems, break ups, etc. After breaking up for 8 months, we got back together and things were (kind of?) looking up. Or at least, I thought. I was more head over heels for him, mostly because I didn't want him to be with anyone else and I knew that was very much possible. My own stupidity lead to his infidelity. He treated me like shit, always chose his friends over me, cared more about pot and making lots of money. Became a real jackass and although I knew I deserved better, I stayed. He decided to go on vacation with his best friend, didn't tell me until the night before he left that another girl who was a family friend was going. She was younger than us, so I wasn't worried. He leaves for vacation, and I'm trying to contact him for two days. No answer, however he was all over social media. Once I realized he was ignoring me I did the same, waited for him to text me. Two days goes by, I get the "hey baby" text. I blew up on him. Read and never replied. Guess that was my way of figuring we were on another weekly breakup. A week later I found out him and that girl had sex multiple times during that vacation. Even more embarrassing, his best friends mom walked in on them together. I was pretty much the last one to know. Tore me to shreds. He dated her for about five months afterwards when he finally begged for me back. 

I did take him back. And he's a changed man, (I know kind of hard to believe). But he is. He constantly gets shit from me still for what he did and who he was. He takes it all. He tries to be a good boyfriend to me all the times do make up for his fuck up but sometimes I feel like it's never enough. It will never be enough, how can you change the truth? Memories? The way he made me feel continues to linger. He ruined me for a long time and I was weak enough Togo back to him because it was comfortable. Trust me, I already am ashamed enough so fuck off if you have any rude comments! 

The reason I made this post was because what my boyfriend did has changed me for the rest of my life and not even just my relationship with him. It's made me too independent to truly want to be with him as much as I did before I'm young, I want to adventure and explore the world. I want to meet new people and have new experiences. I feel bad because we've been together for about 6 months now and he wants nothing more than to move in together and be together forever. 

Idk, kind of just venting. Comment if you want I guess