The day before yesterday, I cheated on my fiance. Again. I have cheated on him before, a couple years ago, and he'd forgiven me because he's weak and I'm the only person he's ever loved. I was his first.
I have a very high sex drive, whereas his is almost non-existent.
Two months ago, I asked him to marry me. Because I love him to death and I want to spend the rest of my life with him.
The day before yesterday, I gave in to my desires, and my manager's sexual advances. And I'm probably going to do it again.
Talking has never helped. We've always had problems with sex. I am nearly always left unsatisfied and frustrated, unable to sleep. He can get me off, and he does it very well. The problem is the frequency. At best, we'd have sex once a week, and that's only after he gets sick of my pestering. One time, I didn't make any advances towards him at all, and we didn't have sex for 3 weeks. He never said a word about it until I brought it up and he finally gave in.
He thinks it is shallow of me to hold sex to such a high importance. He doesn't understand why I need it so much. He thinks its superficial. He doesnt have the instinctual urges that I have. He doesn't want an open relationship. He doesn't want to take a break. He doesn't want to comprimise in any way, and that's not his fault, I'm not blaming him, he can't control his sex drive...I've tried everything. Pushing him, backing off, toys, aphrodisiacs, talking to him, ignoring him, having sex on a schedule, having sex completely spontaneously, I've tried dressing up and dressing down, cooking for him, massaging him, lights on lights off it doesn't matter what I do, I can't get him in the mood. We've even written down our problems to talk about it. We cannot come to a comprimise that satisfies us both. If he had it his way, we'd have sex once every two months. If it were my way, it'd be more like 2-3 times a week, maybe more, probably not more than 5. At this point, we have not had sex in almost two months.
I am trapped in a relationship with a man that I have an intense, undying love for, who cannot satisfy my needs. I love him to death and I never want him to feel hurt by me again. I have no romantic feelings for this other man, but I can't deny my attraction to him. I will probably sleep with him again.