I'll share with you my feelings after my wife cheated on me. She told me about the affair a few years later out of guilt. She was distort and very sorry about what happen. I was devastated at the time but I was so much in love with her that I forgave her. At the time we were marred for 10 years and had 2 youngs children under 5. That was 25 years ago. Since then my relationship with my wife has never be the same. Yes we are still together and I still love her but I did something that I believe saved my marriage. For 10 years after the affair there was always that memory of her cheating with another man that you can't let go. All sorts of questions go through your mind. You will experience all sorts of emotional feelings. When we have sex I always think about the other guy. As hard as I try I can't shake it Out of my head. Sometimes its turns me on, other times it turns me off but it never felt good afterwards. I couldn't do it any more so I decided to tell her about my feelings. I knew it would hurt her a lot but I got to a point where I couldn't live my life like that anymore. She was very upset but I felt so much better afterwards. I told her how much she hurt me, about all my feelings, what I was going through since the affair. I told her everything. Then I asked her what she thought. She was going through the same thing everyday. There wasn't a day that went by where she didn't feel guilty about the affair. As it turns out it was the best thing that ever happened. We are closer today than we were before the affair. I won't lie and say I don't think about the betrayal because it never really goes away but I feel better now that she knows what I was going through. My recommendation is don't wait 10 years like I did, tell her how you feel about the affair and what goes through your mind everyday and every time you have sex. It could go the other way and she will leave you out of shame but it's better than living the way you feel now for the rest of your life. Hope this helps. 

ho