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Confessions of my Sin

I cheated on my husband

Monday, November 2, 2015 11:16 PM by .comGuest Rating: +30|-10

I have been a terrible wife for the last 2 years.  I was always so loyal and loved my husband so much.  Life wasn't perfect but I really loved him.  He loved me too but didn't seem to as much as I did.  There was a point in our marriage I seriously thought we were not going to make it.  He made excuses to not be around me and told me to go get friends.  It hurt me a lot that he didn't want to be with me or do things with me. Then he decided to join the military.  I was so against it. Even friends told me that he joined to find a way out of the marriage.  I expressed my feelings regarding the choice he made and how much I hated the idea of him going away. He only put me down and told me that I was a horrible wife to not be supportive of what he wanted to do.  So I had no choice but to accept his choice. I was scared that I was losing the man I loved.  He went away for training. We couldn't talk and only could write each other for 4 months. I found myself checking the mail everyday hoping to get a letter.  He did send one everyday.  The sweetest letters I had ever received. I was so happy and felt so loved even though he was so far away.  When we finally got to see each other after months of writing and barely speaking, it was the most incredible feeling of my life! I even had butterflies. But then after awhile of being together again,  things started to go back to how they were.  2 years later he was treating me the same way he did before he joined the military.  He went out with his friends and their wives.  Spent half of our money,  and I'm the bread winner.  Lied about places he went and worse took off his ring in front of his friends and wives when he went out one night.  One of the wives told me. His ring was in his pocket when he got home and he was so drunk.  He said one lie after another about where he went.  I was so hurt and felt so betrayed.  After that I didn't trust him and wouldn't let him go anywhere. He straightened up some but was rebelling like he didn't even want the relationship.  I guess I felt stuck. Here I am in another state with no family and only a few friends.  No one to talk to about my problems. Wives in the military can be judgmental and not always helpful.  Then off course he had to go away for training. I went back to my home state for that month.  I wasn't looking to cheat at all.  I felt actually really bad about myself.  If the man I love can i love treats me that way is because I'm not pretty enough or good enough.  That's how I felt.  Then I went out with some friends and met some people.  We had so much fun we had an after party.  It was the most fun I had for a long time.  Longer than I could remember. There was this one man that we all just met and he was so nice and actually listened to me.  He was so good looking too with the most beautiful eyes.  The way he looked at me I hadn't been looked at like that for so long.  I couldn't help but want to kiss him and forget about all my problems, fears,  and insecurities.  So I did.  It was the best kiss I felt in a long time.  The kiss like I want you.  My husband stopped kissing me that way, and still doesn't.  When I try he rejects me.  This guy surprised me even more.  He picked me up and started kissing me more.  I wanted him so bad at that point.  I put his hand down my shorts.  I wasn't wearing underwear. He liked it so much he asked me if he could kiss me there.  I was feeling so much pleasure I wanted it more than I have wanted anything at that time.  It felt amazing and the sex was even better.  I instantly had this chemistry with him I never felt with anyone before.  I kept sing him and texting him throughout the time I was there.  I feel in love with him.  So in love.  But I couldn't leave my husband. I didn't want to start over with this new guy and I couldn't leave everything we had worked for.  Besides it was list and not love. But I really could not get over the guy.  Of course I went back to my husband. I knew deep down I was safer that way.  I didn't want to go through more heartache than I already had.  It would kill me. I still love my husband, but the love isn't as strong as it was before. I wish my husband would be like the guy in the aspect of feeling wanted.  It's crazy though that when I stopped caring as much,  my husband wanted me more.  The saddest thing about it is that when I stopped caring something inside me died.  I used to be so good and think so differently regarding people who cheat.  Now i don't even know if I would care if he did cheat. I guess as long as I get to have some fun.  I never used to think that way ever and only wanted to be home with him.  Now I want to fill this hole I feel.  I cheated again later when I got back and he was back from training. I never thought I would do that.  He took leave for almost a month and the entire time he took off he literally played Xbox only.  He didn't take me anywhere or want to go anywhere with me.  I did a lot with friends and had my own regimen to keep me busy.  But I still had that hole.  I met 2 men on a site and made out wth one and started dating the other one.  I eventually had sex with the 2nd guy.  I didn't enjoy it.  I made up my mind I wanted to make it work.  I couldn't be that person.  It was not helping me feel better.  It made me feel worse.  But then I went out again a couple times and met 2 more really nice cute guys.  I made out with them. It was so much fun and freeing. I did care though and I don't want to be like that.  I wasn't even that way when I was single.  I'm so incredibly sad that I enjoy it and lime seducing men.  It became some sort of sick addiction.  That's not the end of it either.  I did well for the rest of the year not to cheat.  Then it was time for him to go away again and this time a longer training. So I went back to my home state.  Of course the first guy that this all started with contacted me.  He saw on a mutual friend's fb page a post with me. I blew him off dental times but enjoyed texting him.  I went out and drank a little and then of course went to see him.  I made out with him and did not want to have sex.  I knew that would just screw my head up more again.  I had to forget about him.  So I visited my husband back and forth every 2-3 weeks.  That helped a lot until I was away from him and my husband starts not answering the phone and staying out wth his friends drinking, paying and spending money.  When he finally answers he treats me like shit and all we did was fight!  It was horrendous!  So I was tired of sitting at the house worrying about everything with my man.  I started going out a lot too. I didn't have any intentions. But one night I got too drunk and had a one night stand. I felt so sorrowful and regretted that. What I really regret is the 2 incidences that later occurred between a longtime friend and I. Of course alcohol was involved both times. I really wish I could take that back.  Then 2 months later I slept with my friend's man.  He and I wanted each other so bad.  I still want him and I feel terrible.  I even had phone sex with him.  So these are my confessions.  I didn't and don't want to be the way I've been the past 2 years.  I want to be who I was.  I was such a great wife and friend and person. I'm going to stay with my husband and stop everything. I love my life and need to fill the emptiness with positive and I will.  I just needed to tell someone.  I know the world would hate me and judge me and that's why I remain anonymous. I'm not a bad person, I've been through a lot.  I know that if you don't deal with your past it can come back to haunt you and in my case it did.  The sexual abuse I encountered as a teenager haunted me and I didn't even know it.  I let the hurt and pain I had inside be stuffed down until I tried to self medicate through sex and men when things were going wrong in my love life.  I will need counseling for the pain I feel inside.  You know what's the craziest thing is that if you met me you would never have a clue about any of this. My life and I look perfect on the outside.

Tags: Abuse; Alcohol; Friend; Teenager;

Thank you for voting.

Comments

Tuesday, November 3, 2015 4:42 AM
Guest

It's obvious that you and your husband are not compatible and therefore you should get a divorse. You both are in denial and need to wake the hell up. Your damagaing yourself by fucking every Tom, Dick,and Harry that you meet. Get yourself some counceling and take a break from sleeping around. You will need to tell your husband that your not happy and have cheated. He may confess his secrets after you open up. You should also get checked for STD's before you fuck another random guy. If you continue down this road you will eventualy hit a wall. Good Luck

 
Tuesday, November 10, 2015 3:21 PM
Guest

What are you? A whore

 
Wednesday, November 25, 2015 10:48 AM
Guest

I don't believe the usual default reason that when a woman cheats, it's because the man is failing to serve her needs. But in your case, your husband really has given you so little psychologically to survive on. You have to get your needs met somewhere. You need a divorce. From the sounds of it, he will not even notice you're gone.

 
Wednesday, November 25, 2015 10:48 AM
Guest

I don't believe the usual default reason that when a woman cheats, it's because the man is failing to serve her needs. But in your case, your husband really has given you so little psychologically to survive on. You have to get your needs met somewhere. You need a divorce. From the sounds of it, he will not even notice you're gone.

 
Monday, November 30, 2015 2:32 AM
Lost

Why is it a woman tells her story, her inner feelings and automatically she's a whore!!!! A man can screw as many woman as they want and it's ok. .comguest that wrote and told your story. Leave you are never going to be happy until you do. You are lacking the commitment from your husband. You have time in life to fill that hole you have with joy and happiness. This doesn't mean you need to go out and try and find "the right guy". Be single, have a good time doing so. Also to have sex is ok but protect your self because a lot of men only want one thing. Be happy

 
Sunday, April 24, 2016 6:21 PM
Guest

You are responsible for your own behavior. 

I left my wife of five and a half years because, among other reasons, I felt a need to date other women before I get too old. I was straight up with her, I surrendered all of my equity in the house and left it to her.

In other words, I took responsibility, made a hard decision, and paid the price.

I don't respect people (like my ex-wife and like yourself) who refuse to make a choice but are always ready to make excuses and deny any responsibility for their own behavior.

In general, I have come to believe that people get what they deserve in relationships. From what I can glean, this is well illustrated in your story. You deserve your husband and he deserves you. 

 
Thursday, August 11, 2016 5:03 PM
Guest

It is funny to read the post and the views that different people share. The thing most of the comments are missing is a deep look at wat I guess many are thinking is morality or non morality. The world is litered with all types of opinion. Many of the so called noble one like the poster who said he was being straightup, and told his wife he needed to date other people, so he did and surrendered equity innhis home, . That is so noble. I think it is perfect, perfect for the state of mind for a person who feels as he does that this is noble. Now look at thenext person, the origianl poster, she was neglected, and felt poorly, she tried, and she was rejected. Her response or outcome would be acceptable to most yes? But truthfuy look at her and the noble gentleman, both again are states of mind where we are searching for a justofication, of action or being right. The answer to the moral problem of the world is that there is no right and wrong, to a great degree. Before u crucify my think. What is being discussed right here has been a issue with the species since the dawn of its evolution or creation. The reason i mention this is we  have and continue to ceate schools of thoiught be it religious, moral, ethic to classfy what cannot be classified. If the whole world were noble as the noble gentlemen, the world would be boring. If  all couples were fulfilled and totaly satisfied we would be again bored and unbalance. My mother and father  we married for 50 years, and to me nowledge were very noble and miserable. Many of us reading this now are the same way. In a prison of our own creation and not willing to be noble, or cheat, or were cheating, or were standing still yet daily dying. Your ability to stay loyal or not loyal is not gold as you see we are more than the rukles or relationship, men or god has created. You and I no matter what role we chose have been the offender or the offended. As Being who  are able to observe  and learn, it should be painfully obvious, that suffering under any circustance  is never pleasant. That being said, you the real you not the guy or girl presented in public, no not him or her the silent one, the one who is talkng  now as you read this email, the one not in the mirror, that man or woman iscapable of being and doing anything, be it noble or not noble. I say that if she went and got satisfied, then her state of mind changed to satisfy her need. If he was noble his state of mind made the change, and he acted nobaly. Many reading this surf port  and sleep with the same sex, silently or are having a deep flirtatious affair.h what I am saying here is truly offensive to many your fixed idea s of right and wrong fall victim everyday to the reality that is shown by what is done in the dark. Your or my words ae not the reality, the reality of morality is what we do when no one is looking. No one in the world is more important that you, not your kids family, or spouse, though we have been taught this. But our true nature always wins, and it is neither right or wrong it just is as self justifiction is ignorance in place of the reality we all know exist in the mnd odf man to do what  he or she need to do to feel whole.

To him that was noble Bravo, to her that was not seemngly noble bravo, s there true expression was not stiffled by canned societal rules whos time has come and gone.

 
Sunday, August 14, 2016 8:17 PM
Guest

From what you shared, it is clear that your husband was cheating on you too. You are killing yourself with guilt. Just accept that you need to fuck other men because your husband is not living up to his end of the marital bargain. You are probably better off divorcing him. But if you can cheat discreetly and better enjoy, or at least tolerate, the rest of your marriage, then that is surviving an uhnappy predicament.

 
Wednesday, September 7, 2016 10:36 PM
Guest

Thank you for sharing your secrets.

You have invited light into your life, your marriage, and your destiny. To expose the evils / enemies within in order to receive healing and health.

You are desperately seeking help to save your life. It is a good thing. For no well person needs a doctor. But the one who seeks the services of a doctor.

You will receive your answer now. My advice to you is this: You and your husband need help. 

1. Your and your husband are innocent. Guilt and shame and fear have been dumped (2 Corinthians 5:21). Can you believe this?  

2. You need to receive the gift of "the Removal of the fear of the PENALTY of your evil actions or the evil actions done to you, the Cleansing of inner/inward POLLUTION or stains or corruption of your evil actions or actions done to you, and the POWER to overcome the addiction / desires of these evil/sinful habits. (Psalm 103:12-13) Can you believe this? 

3. Make peace with GOD Almighty, your Heavenly Father. When He forgives you and heals you, then you can forgive everyone including your husband. Forgiveness means I will love you through and through no matter what you have done, what you are presently doing and what you will do in the future. I will hold no grudges no matter what you will do to me. I will love you for life. Because this is what my Heavenly Father has done to me. (Mark 11:23-25) Can you believe this?   

4. Once you are at peace with your Heavenly Father. Break off every illicit contacts and relationships. 

5. Powerful God will make all things work out for you if you can trust Him to do it for you. (Romans 8:28) Can you believe this?

Finally you will discover your identity and your destiny God has planned for you.

With love.

 

 

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