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Dating five men at the same time.

I cheated on my boyfriend

Sunday, July 24, 2016 10:03 PM by Jen Rating: +1|-5

It is not sexual yet with any of them. But three  expect the relationship to evolve into a marriage. When I started dating them there was so much I loved about them. They are all intellectually inebt and caring. I was never interested in their looks or money or assets. They all have ambitions, had tough lives and limited resources. And have great loving hearts and potentials.

I am attracted to intelligence and maybe that will never change. Sometimes I feel nothing towards anyone and stay alone for weeks not talking to anyone outside of work. Or I am too mentally unbalanced to keep up with anyone's needs. Other times I want to give them the world, all that they never had with their previous partners.

I know they are faithful except for the 50 years old.  He is back with his ex gf. It s not enough reason for me to walk away without getting him in safer place.. I know he is with her because of the sex. I anticipated it and that he will try to hide it from me. His ex gf is manipulative. It is bit hypocritical coming from me and knowing he meets her behind my back. I do realize I am manipulative. I was raised in a war zone. If I werent this way, i would have been dead long ago. I understand they dont have to suffer the consequences of my past and because of that I will eventually leave and ruin the image i helped them build about me. While making sure they are aware my behavior isnt their fault. But she, his ex, is the kind that takes all the guy s money, she already cost him his house. And she tried to get him into mental facility and made false accusations of physical abuse. He is autistic and so naive for his age. They have been together for 15 years. They are twice my age.

I dont know where i am going with this post but the truth is too complex to be approached merely from one aspect . These are not bunch of excuses. I planned this and yes I do experience guilt at times. I do wish I was normal and able to be emotionally commited to just one without having to continiously try to protect him from what Iam.

Yet I feel like I have to preserve that emotional power in their lives so they make the right decisions and not use abusive people or be abusive towards themselves until they are ready to let me go. If I walk out from him, for instance, she ll be his only source of emotional validation. I want to get him out of that shit and then leave him to find someone more trust worthy than the both of us. Same for all the other guys. 

Tags: Abuse; Dating;

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Comments

Monday, July 25, 2016 6:22 PM
ALF

Sounds like you need to go back to your war zone.  Truth be told, you're no good for anybody.  You don't care about any of these men.  You're a user, and eventually they'll come to figure it out for themselves.

 
Tuesday, July 26, 2016 9:23 AM
Guest

You are completely fucked up.

 
Wednesday, July 27, 2016 6:58 AM
Guest

You try to make it seem like you're doing something good. You're doing nothing but causing inevitable heartbreak. You don't deserve anyone. 

 
Wednesday, July 27, 2016 7:25 AM
Guest

Your not helping these dudes your helping yourself. Stop lying to yourself. Your worse then the 50 years gf. She's better for him then you are

 
Wednesday, July 27, 2016 4:04 PM
Guest

No offense, and I will not break down your story but you should really see a mental health professional. 

 
Monday, August 1, 2016 12:27 PM
vin666

You do not seem fit for a relationship with any of those men. You have no focus and its just your instinct thats attracting you to these men. Just get screwed with someone and make a baby if you are prepared for it. Dont be worried or emotional about others lives if you are not prepared to be in a relationship with them.

 
Tuesday, August 2, 2016 6:44 PM
Guest

basically you sound like a typical user/mooch, really can't stand people like you...

 

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