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Deprived!

Want to Cheat

Friday, February 26, 2016 9:46 AM by Nimir Rating: +4|-5

I'm a married man with 3 kids after 7 years into wedlock. This suggests that I am having a life full of sex but that's not correct. May be we are a virile couple. I am in my late 30's and my wife is in her mid 30's and our sex frequency is quite low. Iñ 2016, I can count on my fingers how many times we had sex and that is just four! 

My wife is an amazing lady who does so much so good. Be it house chores, kids requirements, office work or any other thing, I cant complain. She has time for everything but sex. I feel frustrated thinking of it. We had a fight a couple of years back when I asked her why do I have to request you for sex? Don't you want it? In anger and frustration I refused her when she "graciously allowed" me to come near to her. She started crying over my refusal and I simply told her that's what you do regularly. Things improved for few months and then slowly got back to old routine. 

I don't like begging for sex, even if I consider it my lawful right I feel bad thinking that it's not what she really wants. I am forcing her into it. I now masturbate regularly, initially when she got to know about my masturbation she didn't like it but now it has become acceptable to her. 

 She tells me that she gets wet dreams frequently and she wants sex regularly but once it's over she is unavailable for two weeks. I do everything to please her, play with her boobs, ready to go down on her or any other desire she might have but all in vain.

I'm not a courageous person and I don't like infidelity. But honestly speaking, at times I think I should be gutsy enough to start exploring the option of cheating. I don't want to continue this miserable and pathetic sex life!

Tags: Kids; Masturbation;

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Comments

Friday, February 26, 2016 11:41 PM
John

    Don't decieve  her man. I know you love her but she might  not love  you. People sometime grow in  comfort but not I  love. I'm not saying she doesn't  but it can be an option.  SIT down with her and calmly  tell her your leaving her. Wait for her reaction. It will tell you how she feel. If she ask why tell her. You shouldn't  have to be begging for sex. I was I  your shoes. I did it. She ask why and I said because you called me a perv. All I wanted was my wife to love her and feel love back but you consider  it being perv. If you don't want me someone else will. She cried her ass off and I walk out. She called me everyday for 6 days straight. She came to where I was staying and begged me to come back. I said only until we discuss everything. And we did. Kids, finance, family, sex you name it. We said we will be completely  open to each other. Now it's been 8 years and now I slap her, call her a whore, slap her with my dick and I eat her ass. She wanted this. Who the perv now. We are happy just cause I said I was leaving. Now you might not like her answer. She might say I agree. It will hurt but pack your bags and move on. To many women to beg one for pussy.

 
Monday, February 29, 2016 5:18 PM
Guest

You a marriage board meeting. You need to write down your agend and she needs to write down hers. Then you need to sit down and negotiate. If you can't do it alone, get a counselor. Do not cheat, it will hurt you more than it will hurt her. You will lose your honor, and the respect of the ones you love most. If you have kids, you are cheating on them too. Think about this: You want sex, how long does sex really take? Anwhere from 10 minutes to hours. You are not asking for much of your wifes time to make you feel connected. A blowjob three times a week would probably make you very happy and only cost her about 30 minutes and should not be awful for her if she is a normal heterosexual woman. I have never understood why women think that depriving their husbands of sex is a good idea. It is the best way to drive them away. 

 
Wednesday, March 2, 2016 7:27 PM
Guest

Hi there. 

Your wife is probably experiencing something she is completely unaware of called "Mum Syndrome". Before women have children, their biological imperative is to reproduce. This means that once they find a suitable mate, they will have sex frequently. This even occurs when they are in birth control because I'm talking about things that are driven by the primitive brain. Our primitive brain is not capable of understanding the modern world. It simply contains basic survival and reproductive information and drives our behaviour around these at a sub conscious level. This is why we sometimes can't explain why we are bagging the way we are. 

So back on track. No doubt you and your wife had lots of sex before your first child. It probably reduced a little after the first child was born, dropped away a lot after #2 and Became what it is after #3. I bet each time she wanted to fall pregnant she couldn't get enough of you either (unless any were unplanned). 

Once most women have reproduced, their biological imperative changes. In primitive times, this would mean that men would provide for their children by giving the woman part of his hunting catch. She would in turn provide him with useful things like clothes, seeds, nuts, etc. Women would also offer or submit to sex if they wanted that provision to keep coming or they risked the man abondoning her and the children in favour of a new younger model that sought him out for his ability to provide (still goes on today). 

How does this relate to your problem?  Your desire to cheat is a response to your primitive brains simple interpretation that your wife is not holding up her part of the reproductive bargain. It is therefore beginning to look out for other potential new mates. You might notice this in the form of lots of looking at lovely young things and even nice looking women around your own age. But we live in the modern era and social rules dictate that cheating is bad. And it is. Trust me I know as I went through the same thing as you with my wife from straight after our 2nd child to now (13 years). 

In primitive times, women had the help of other women as well as older women and children  to help raise the children. They do not have that same level of help now and so they are physically and emotionally drained at the end of the day (which can be into the evening). The last thing they want to do is expend more energy on sex. Their biological imperative changes to keeping the children alive, teaching them etc. Humans would have once had their children playing simple games that strengthen them and teach them survival skills. We do the same today when we run them all over creation for sport and dance etc. 

What this means is that your wife has become "Mum" and has forgotten that she has a mate that needs her attention also. Men like us don't help the situation though as we are immature for far longer than our ancestors. So the first change you need to make is to improve your manhood because you don't need your wife feeling like she has a 4th child. She will see you differently if you become an equal to her. I did this through individual counselling and a great book  called "Manhood" by Steve Biddulph. The latter will really open your eyes. 

Wives like yours and mine start to look at us in 2 distinct but seperate ways:

1. As a whiny 4th manchild who is just demanding her time. She won't give it to you unless you make a lot of noise or her primitive brain senses that she needs to put out to keep you around. The latter also leads to a reduction in sex as that part of her brain will keep testing the limits of how often she has sex with you to keep you around. If you stay for less and less sex, then less is what you'll get. 

2. Over time, men like you and me don't understand what is going on. So we try a whole heap of different things to "spark" her interest. Over time she will come to feel that she is just a sex object to you, no matter how much you tell her you love her and want her, it only makes it worse. This second part is a little harder to overcome. 

Right now you're sick of the excuses, the rejection, the lack of intimacy and you feeling like your wife only keeps you around as a provider. So your primitive brain says "Hey, look at that one." 

Now the hard part. You need to tell your wife how you've been feeling and invite her to be open and honest with you. The trick to listening to each other is to make sure that you do not become defensive when the other person tells you what you've been feeling. Your wife may also try to "justify" why she has behaved the way she has. You have to make sure that you don't do that to her either while telling her that it doesn't matter why, all that matters is how your behaviours make each other feel. I reduced my work hours to part time and spent heaps of time with her. We talked, listened, went back and asked questions and talked some more over the course of the last 4 months. The things we have learned from and about each other now seem so simple but we had very established behaviours. I must add that we have 2 kids (19 & 13). So that has made it easier for her to transition back to being my wife and lover. 

I was the same as you. Could count on one, maybe 2 hands how many times we had sex each year.  The sex was also dull and never lasted more than 10 minutes. As part of moving forward together, I stopped initiating. It has now been 3 months since I last initiated sex and we have been averaging once a week. We've had sex more times in 2 months than all of last year. It can work, but it takes a lot of work by both. But your wife first needs to understand that she is Mum to the kids and wife/lover to you and that these are seperate roles that require cultivation and effort. Otherwise you will with leave or cheat or both (I told my wife that and was surprised to learn that she was ready to call quits as well). 

I wish you all the best. 

 
Sunday, March 6, 2016 8:36 PM
Stinky stinks

Don't cheat. Talk about your needs and see where it leads. You never know, you may come to some type of arrangement. 

 

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