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Devasted

My husband cheated on me

Friday, April 8, 2016 10:00 AM by Linda T Rating: +34|-17

I have been happily married for over 20 years. My husband and I met very young and we both worked very hard to secure a nice lifestyle to provide our children. My world just came crashing down this week. I learned that 3 years ago my husband allowed a random lady from a bar perform oral sex on him. I found out because every three years or so, i go in for a physical.  I received a noticed that i had Chlamydia.  Since I knew... I was faithful....I knew it was husband.  I confronted him that evening and he only came clean after several days of nagging.  He stated, he was drunk and it happend after he left the house because we had gotten into an argument but he didn't sleep with anyone.  He only received oral sex. We both cried this week, he asked for forgiveness and i do feel his regret.  However, i can't shake it.  I imagine it! I picture it! I try hard not to think about it.  My children adore there father and are very scared of us divorcing.  I already feel I changed.  He changed me.  My vows mean nothing! All i can't think of is cheating....i want to cause him pain.  Not only did he cheat on me, but he put my life in danger! My poor kids have been crying everyday and begging me not to divorce their father.  I know that if i stay, i wont be the same person.  I can't forgive him because i can't forget. I've changed! is it bad to think about me? and not my children? My Children are elmentary/ middle schoolers... Shoud i wait?   Am torn.

Tags: Divorce; Kids;

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Comments

Friday, April 8, 2016 2:11 PM
Guest

same thing happened to me but I am male, I also have a great family, and my wife and I really love each other, she just gave in to temptation. This was 4 years ago, and I chose to stay with her and keep our family intact, however I did return the favor 10 fold to ease my pain, I slept with several women several times and enjoyed every filthy minute guilt free. I have since returned to my old self, shower my wife with all the love and due benevolence and I'm glad I stayed with her, she really is a fantastic person and I probably will never find another soul mate like her, in many ways our marriage is stronger but it simply will never be as it was, the innocence is lost and will never come back. That is the tough part, but better a 95% happy marriage then nothing in my book. Trust is slowly coming back. I am not advising you to cheat on your offender, I am just telling you my resolution and to me it was the best choice at the time. It helped me to retain my sense of pride and confidence, and I must admit it was ALOT of fun. Many will say 2 wrongs don't make a right, and that is true, however most of them will also advise divorse. I chose to stay married and have a little fun. it is what it is. Hope this helps. Good luck. 

 
Friday, April 8, 2016 5:16 PM
Guest

Whatever you decide to do, don't fall so low as he did and cheat on him. That will cause no pain to him. That will cause pain to you. Cause pain to him other ways if you need to. Don't be a lowlife the way he has been. 

 
Saturday, April 9, 2016 2:48 AM
Guest

When you cheat, you will not only be cheating on your husband you will be cheating on your kids, yourself, and your friends and family. You will change yourself for the worse. Think of this: What kind of example will you be for your kids? Do you want them to grow up to be liars and cheaters? How do you want to think of yourself? As a liar, cheater, slut? What will you see when you look in the mirror? Your friends and family have come to love you for who you are, will they feel the same way about a liar and a cheater? Will they trust you around their men? Will their love and respect for you be diminished? The truth is that they way we respond to the hardships in our lives is what defines us as people. You can either let yourself be crushed by them or you can overcome them, grow, and get stronger. Do not give in to anger and quit being who you are and cheat. Percivere, rise above the gutter, use love as a weapon against anger. Love yourself, love your children, even love your husband. That does not mean be a fool. Your marriage is damaged, your husband damaged it, but like a boat they he punched a hole in and is sinking - if you and your kids are in that boat it is up to you to try to patch the hole or go down with the ship. You have about 15 years to raise your children, ask your husband how he wants to spend those years and what he wants to do after that. Tell him that you don't trust him, he has given you a disease, and he has put you at risk for HIV. Ask him what he wants to do, he created the hole, how does he want to fix it? Give him a chance to come up with a plan. Then listen to it and see if you can make it work and live with it. Divorce is always an option, don't rush into it, if you do go that route plan carefully. 

 
Saturday, April 9, 2016 7:02 AM
Guest

Ladies if yo want to hurt a man that has cheated on you then don't cheat. Revenge cheating really only works for the man. If you want to hurt a man you have to hit his pockets. For a man sex costs money. He can't cheat without money 

 
Saturday, April 9, 2016 9:58 PM
Guest

What

 
Sunday, April 10, 2016 7:13 AM
Guest

What if you try to put it back together again...and he cheats again, and again and again?   And each time he says he is sorry.   And he means it. At the time.  But in the meantime you have spent 30 years of your life with this person.   You cant just turn off your love for them - you can love the person but hate what they do.   But at some point you have to be sure that they wont cheat again.    How about this for an elegant solution.   Enter into an agreement where if they do cheat again, all matrimonial property goes to you.   If they arent prepared to sign, they dont even trust themselves in which case you have your answer.   And if they do cheat again.....cha ching!

 

 
Wednesday, April 20, 2016 7:20 AM
Betty

This is devastating!! I am in the same situation.Have just found out that Hubby of 22years, cheated on me 18years ago...and there is child out there of 17years...I cried the moment that hit me and I am bleeding inside. Help

 

 
Tuesday, August 30, 2016 7:32 PM
Guest

Here's the thing. He is still lying to you. What do you think the odds are that he only had oral sex one time and he got a disease from it. He's lying to you. He told you the least offensive thing he could and it's still tough on you. He Probably had sex hundreds of times with a dozen women and this time he got caught. If you knew the real truth your decision would be much easier. 

 

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