same thing happened to me but I am male, I also have a great family, and my wife and I really love each other, she just gave in to temptation. This was 4 years ago, and I chose to stay with her and keep our family intact, however I did return the favor 10 fold to ease my pain, I slept with several women several times and enjoyed every filthy minute guilt free. I have since returned to my old self, shower my wife with all the love and due benevolence and I'm glad I stayed with her, she really is a fantastic person and I probably will never find another soul mate like her, in many ways our marriage is stronger but it simply will never be as it was, the innocence is lost and will never come back. That is the tough part, but better a 95% happy marriage then nothing in my book. Trust is slowly coming back. I am not advising you to cheat on your offender, I am just telling you my resolution and to me it was the best choice at the time. It helped me to retain my sense of pride and confidence, and I must admit it was ALOT of fun. Many will say 2 wrongs don't make a right, and that is true, however most of them will also advise divorse. I chose to stay married and have a little fun. it is what it is. Hope this helps. Good luck. 

When you cheat, you will not only be cheating on your husband you will be cheating on your kids, yourself, and your friends and family. You will change yourself for the worse. Think of this: What kind of example will you be for your kids? Do you want them to grow up to be liars and cheaters? How do you want to think of yourself? As a liar, cheater, slut? What will you see when you look in the mirror? Your friends and family have come to love you for who you are, will they feel the same way about a liar and a cheater? Will they trust you around their men? Will their love and respect for you be diminished? The truth is that they way we respond to the hardships in our lives is what defines us as people. You can either let yourself be crushed by them or you can overcome them, grow, and get stronger. Do not give in to anger and quit being who you are and cheat. Percivere, rise above the gutter, use love as a weapon against anger. Love yourself, love your children, even love your husband. That does not mean be a fool. Your marriage is damaged, your husband damaged it, but like a boat they he punched a hole in and is sinking - if you and your kids are in that boat it is up to you to try to patch the hole or go down with the ship. You have about 15 years to raise your children, ask your husband how he wants to spend those years and what he wants to do after that. Tell him that you don't trust him, he has given you a disease, and he has put you at risk for HIV. Ask him what he wants to do, he created the hole, how does he want to fix it? Give him a chance to come up with a plan. Then listen to it and see if you can make it work and live with it. Divorce is always an option, don't rush into it, if you do go that route plan carefully. 

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This is devastating!! I am in the same situation.Have just found out that Hubby of 22years, cheated on me 18years ago...and there is child out there of 17years...I cried the moment that hit me and I am bleeding inside. Help