Tuesday, April 26, 2016 2:33 PM by Guest
I met my current boyfriend, J, a little over a year ago. We became boyfriend and girlfriend in February of 2015. Something that he made very clear to me, even before we started dating was that he has had problems with depression. Eventually he began to reveal his suicidal thoughts to me as well and I did my best to be there as an outlet for him. Then later on, in November, a girl who willt be called R who he was in marching band with told him that she liked him as more than a friend even though she had a boyfriend and she knew that J and I were dating. J told me good things about her even before this and I had seen him texting her while we were hanging out. She and I are pretty different; she has brown eyes and brown hair, I have blue eyes and blonde hair, she's sporty and I'm
Not, etc. He was also good friends with her boyfriend.
It was also around this time that I became really stressed with school and he wasn't talking to me as much. I was stressed out and I didn't pry him as much. We began to fight more and I broke up with him at one point in December. I felt like I could help him more if I saw him as just a friend. But whenever we broke up he told me he was going to drink and smoke weed which I had asked him not to do since he was on depression meds. So we got back together. On New Year's Eve he told me that he liked R back and thought about what it would be like to date her. He felt that I hadn't been there for him lately and that she had been the one who was there for him. He didn't do anything with her and he said he didn't want to break up with me which didn't make any sense to me. I got upset but I wasn't mean, up until the point where I sent him a middle finger emoji (yes I know bad call, it's an especially bad thing to send to a sensitive, emotionally unstable person) I didn't understand why he had to tell me that if it wasn't important to him. I trusted him so I didn't feel him telling me about little crushes was necessary and he knew this. I figured that if he felt the need to tell me about this other girl then he must've had some of feeling for her.
After I sent the middle finger emoji he stopped texting me. Later on he came back and sent me a huge text. He had tried to kill himself but he had texted his other two female friends who had convinced him to stop. He said he was too afraid to text me for help. He then told me he would be going to a clinic to get help. He would be there for a week and wouldn't be able to text me or see me.
The clinic allowed snacks and notes to be sent so I made him a note and snack for each day he was in there. When he got out, he asked me to read his journal that he kept during the week he was in there. He wrote addressing me, R, and the two girls that helped him when he attempted to commit suicide. He mostly was talking to R throughout the journal.
As it turns out R refused to text him after he went into the clinic. She said that she didn't want to text him anymore. So he started to try to make things right with me. It hurt when he told me about all of these people who he could connect with while he was there. It was stuff I could never understand I guess.
His medication was adjusted so he is doing much better now. But whenever he sees R and her boyfriend at a school dance he becomes depressed and uncomfortable. He still seems salty at the fact that she abandoned him.
Meanwhile I'm still angry about the whole thing but I have to be understanding. He's made a big turnaround and I love him but I hate him at the same time. He expects me to be happy like I was before all of this happened. I know that he didn't actually cheat on me but I always don't feel like I'm good enough anymore. This other girl is beautiful, musically talented and sporty. I'm average, gave up piano a couple years ago and uncoordinated. I don't have confidence anymore because I feel less than. I feel bitter and unable to look at the bright side like I could before. Is what he did considered cheating? If he does something like this now should I be worried about later on?