Well I don't even know where to begin?!
My husband and I met when we were still in high school. Actually on MySpace to be exact! He lived in my old hometown and I lived an hour away. Even tho we lived in different cities we both we so attracted to eachother. Maybe it was the thrill of meeting someone completely new? We were both 17 and thought we knew it all! We were both in such a hurry to be in a relationship we rushed things way to quickly! We would spend all hours of the night talking about our dreams and goals. We would talk about getting married and having children as soon as we could.
Well still living under the roof of our parents, we were both told we were just a couple of crazy teenagers who didn't know what we talking about, we didn't know what true love was and that we still had a whole life ahead of us and to slow down. Being told what to do by our parents only made us want it more! As soon as we got the chance to finally met up, we had sex. We told eachother how "in-love" we were.
My parents found out what I had done and pulled me out of school, we soon had moved to a different state and I no longer got to see (let's call him) "Jack" anymore.
I wasn't allowed to have any social profiles on the Internet or have a cell phone. Jack would secretly send little messages to my sister to let me know he was still thinking of me and that he still loved me. We finally got to talk on the phone and we had made a pact to be faithful to eachother And that when I turned 18 that I was going to move back to my hometown so that we could be together again. I actually believed this long distance relationship could actually work! I mean if you really love someone you wouldn't feel the need to want to cheat?! Am I right?
I ignored all the attention from other boys at my school (because I was the new girl) I would tell people I was engaged. I tried so hard to be faithful to him to only hear in return that Jack had met another girl.
"She's just a friend." He told me as he admitted to having sex with her. It shattered my heart to pieces. Being so young and thinking I had found the one, I was wrong. I ended things with Jack right then and there. I ignored all his calls and texts and never wanted to speak to him.
Months later I had turned 18 and still followed my plan to moving back to my old hometown to start collage there and live with my sister. I heard rumors that Jack had moved cities away from my hometown and that the girl he cheated on me with was now living with him and they were engaged to be married. I admit I was hurt. All those things he ever told me he had probably said to her.
Jack had heard I was in town and wanted to see me. Flattered, I accepted to see him again.
The feelings were still there, but I was "an adult" now and maybe we could be friends. ;)
Jacks current girlfriend found out he was going to see me and she was furious, apparently during their relationship she would over hear jack talking about me to his friends or he would slip and call her my name. Anyways things went south for them and they ended things, just because he wanted to see me one more time.
Well our meet up was great and we had the best time together! It was amazing!
I was in-love all over again.
And again my family didn't approve and it drove me even more into jacks arms!
He had moved me in with him. A few months later he proposed and I said yes.
More moments later after my 19th birthday I became pregnant. Feeling obligated by the pressure of our families we got hitched in Vegas. During my pregnancy I found out my husband had become a porn addict. I was so heart broken and felt so ugly because of my pregnant body. I felt so ashamed of myself. I felt so alone and had no one to talk to. Living under his parents roof, I talked to his mother and she explained how all men do it and that its just a phase and that he was curious. I admit we were young and hadn't had much experience in the bedroom but I didn't think I was that horrible. :( I asked Jack to please stop because it was hurting my feelings. He said he would and I believed him. Well I caught him several times. Web histories fullll of porn. I had it and wanted to be done with him.
Jack cried and convinced me to stay. Trustworthy I believed he had really changed.
Soon the baby would be due and I looked to him for money to provide our baby with necessities.
Well let me give you a little Intel about my husband, he's addicted to video games, the Internet, and world of Warcraft. He hadn't even worked one job yet.
I told my parents about the situation I was in and they helped me out by purchasing EVERYTHING a baby would need. My parents bought so many items I didn't have to buy anything for our baby for almost a whole year.
I had decided to go back to work as soon as our baby was 3 months old and he agreed to care for our baby while I worked.
My parents started to really get into my head on how our relationship will never work out because he isn't a real man and that he should of been working during my pregnancy and working on getting us our own place to live so that we wouldn't be living with his parents anymore, After all we wanted to be adults "so badly".
Well I didn't have the heart to end things and I had made a vowel.
"Till death do us part."
I was bound and determined to make things work. If Jack wanted to be a stay at home mom then so be it.
I worked my ass off! I was soon promoted to management at 19! I was working 40+ a week to provide for our little family.
It's a small town where we live and others had heard my story and knew I was the provider in my relationship and they began to talk and tell me I could do so much better and things like that.
I started to believe I didn't even need Jack anymore, after all he was addicted to his online video games. He could chat with female gamers all day and watch porn if wanted to and I wouldn't even know about it.
Soon after noticing he was talking to other females on Facebook (nothing to serious) and seeing his internet history I was upset.
They were right! I could do better! But knowing that I would have to break my vowel and that our child would come from a broken home, the thought made me sad. :(
I figured, all marriages have their ups and downs and maybe if we had better communication we could work through this.
Well after many failed attempts of trying to fix things it was like talking to a brick wall. He wouldn't budge. It was like everything went through one ear and out the other.
I was getting so frustrated!
then suddenly out of no-where his parents get a divorce. There was no way I could leave my husband now! He needs me I thought to myself. I didn't want jack to think I was like his mother!
So I figured I could try again and work things out. After many months of more failed attempts I figured, I'd just let the relationship see where it goes. I decided to take up some hobbies that made me happy. After all he had his videogames and computer. Why shouldn't I do something that makes me happy?! So I took up dancing. I actually started working at clubs as a promo girl. It was just a part time job because I was still working management at my other job.
But it was nice not to be home anymore. Being home meant seeing Jack play on his video games and computer all day.
He wasn't a romantic, so there was no spoiling me, no fancy dinners, no nights out into town, no breakfast in bed. His idea of having fun together was sitting at home watching a movie or playing videogames together. He never wanted to leave home or actually get out and find a real man job!
It bothered me and I started to believe relationships aren't worth it. I might as well be single for the rest of my life. It made me sad to know that our child was going to be lead to believe that it's okay for daddy to stay at home and be lazy, while mommy works her ass off to provide. It made me so upset that I started to look for attention in other males. And once all the attention started pouring in, I seemed to be happier and Jack sure noticed my spunk in my new attitude. He had become alert and started to actually pay attention to me. But things still didn't change! He still played video games and after all that porn he watched, you think he would be better in bed. -___-
our connection was gone, he got mad at me over the littlest things, we never talked, no "welcome home honey!", no sweet nothings, not one thank you for taking care of us.
I felt so unappreciated.
Now 22 years old.....
One night on Facebook a certain male had caught my attention. Not living in the same town, I thought it would be fun to chat here and there. Well after a few weeks of talking to (let's call him) josh, we decided to actually meet up. Our chat was innocent and we had never even talked about anything more than just about our lives. Josh knew I was married with one child and he respected that. Our first meet up was great! We talked to whole time! No physical contact at all! :) it was nice to actually have another male to chat with and not feel obligated to do anything. We met up a few more times and by the 4th meet up, I had a little to much to drink and felt this huge attraction to josh, I wondered why after all these talks and meet ups why he hadn't tried to do anything with me?!
Was he really just going to be my friend? Did he really respect the fact I was married and had a child?!
I needed his attention and soon things got heated. We were all over eachother and the attraction was huge! The spark between us was unbelievable! I hadn't felt this feeling in years!!! I couldn't believe that I had so much fun with josh! (He's a few years older than I) after I went home I was confused. Did I really just cheat on my husband and feel okay with it?! What am I gonna do if jack finds out?! Do I keep talking to josh? Do I try and work things out with Jack?
Does my husband Even love me anymore?
Is Jack addicted to videogames and porn because he's not interested in me anymore?? Why hasn't Jack broken up with me yet??
I didn't know what to do, I just met josh! No way I'd be ready for another relationship (even if I just so happen to get divorced)
I honestly don't know what to do?? My husband and I have been together for almost 5 years and he hadn't changed or got any better. Why can't he get his shit together???
I am unhappy and depressed. But I don't want to go running into the arms of another man because of it. I honestly believe I should just be single and work on myself. My husband has made me emotionally unstable.
I know cheating is wrong but with josh it felt so right.
It's been almost 5 months since josh and I started talking and meeting up and josh has agreed that if anything happens to me, he would love to take on the responsibility of taking care of my child I.
It's just I know I wouldn't be ready to settle down again right after getting out of a almost 5 year relationship with my husband.