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Engaged having affair with married man

I cheated on my boyfriend

Thursday, July 14, 2016 10:08 AM by EE Rating: +7|-9

I am a 23 year old female engaged, due to be married next year, having an affair with a 45yo married man that I work with. 

My fiancé is a reliable, hard working, caring man and up until this affair started I would say I was happy and looking forward to our future together however looking at how things are now, I clearly wasn't 100% happy.

I met the other man (OM) over a year ago at work and the attraction was instant however I never thought in a million years he would be interested in me, and given both our relationship statuses and the age gap neither of us actively persued the other: a friendship grew over time and we found that have similar sense of humours, and similar interests which made us connect. 

It wasnt until just over three months ago that after communications at work became very frequent and he ended up taking me home as I was unwell that he gave me his phone number. It wasn't sleezy and at first it was just friendly chat. But not a day has gone by since then that we haven't text or spoken to each other, even if we don't see each other at work. 

Things intensified pretty quickly after communications started out with work which eventually led to a kiss before a work event, and excuses being made to see each other at lunchtimes, after work for drinks, and eventually for stays in hotel rooms. I've never met anyone like him. It's difficult to put it down into words but we just bounce off each other. The age gap doesn't feel like an issue when we're together and our best times together have been sitting on the wall at lunchtime people watching or having drinks in the pub after work - it's not just sexual. 

But here's where it gets complicated. Not only am I due to get married next year, but I am leaving at the end of the year with my fiancé to travel for four months. The OM recently had his first child with his wife at the beginning of the year which makes us both sound like really shitty people and believe me the guilt I feel every single time I think about what I'm doing reminds me of what a shitty person I've become. 

He has told me he loves me, and I believe him, and I love him too. Like no other. He hasn't mentioned much about his marriage and it isn't my place to ask. He has said that he feels empty, and that given his age he felt marrying his long term partner was the right thing to do (they have been married for around 2 years) which gives me the impression he isn't completely happy. He has mentioned speaking to a lawyer I presumed about a divorce but I have never asked anymore about that.

He wants us to remain in touch when I am travelling and see how we both feel when I come back which is in about 7 months time before deciding whether we want to be together or not. It will turn both of our lives upside down if we decide to be together both personally and professionally so it's something we have to be completely sure of. However the guilt is affecting my health, I am run down, not sleeping, having issues with eating (both comfort eating and not eating enough at times) and I'm not sure I can wait 7 months before I know how this will pan out. I can't tell anyone because of our circumstances and where we live and work is a small place! 

Any advice for this shitty person who has fallen in love.. Would be much appreciated. Thank you. 

 

Tags: Divorce; Hotel;

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Comments

Sunday, July 17, 2016 4:32 AM
Guest

leave your fiance and dont travel with him. You didnt mention that you loved him once in this article so your just using him. retain some semblance of dignity by not having him waste all that money on traveling with you. explain what happened and tell him you need to sort things out. Being honest I hope he doesnt want you back afterwards but he may so you should at least give him the choice. If you dont want to wait to see how things pan out, dont. tell your lover tht you re leaving your fiancee and that he needs to tell his wife or you will. you only are waiting because you want to travel which is a bad decision for eeryone involved. 

 
Sunday, July 17, 2016 11:13 AM
Gantz

As the above poster said. You don't seem to love your fiance but because you think he's a great and responsible guy- you you tell yourself that's love and reason enough to marry him. You're being a coward by not breaking it off with your fiance. You never loved him if you ended up in affair so quickly. While cheating is bad 99% of the time there are sometimes when it is sorta excusable  (like when a partner no longer seems to care about their significant other and feel the need to search for attention elsewhere _ although it's still bad then because it can be fixed but both parties probably didn't try) so basically you never loved your fiance (especially because of the unwarranted affair/betrayal) and are only using him. Put yourself in his shoes or look at the situation from an outsiders view: you already started an unfair with no justification what so ever. You're planning on going on an expensive trip with your fiance whom you've betrayed and still plan on betraying because you may well end up leaving him for the other man if he tells you he wants to be with you... and you're fine with this. You're not a shitty person for ending up liking another. You're a horrible person for betraying someone who loves you, wants to spend time with you on a trip all the while you're contemplating on leaving him... after the fucking trip which is obviously beneficial to you because you'll have fun and he's the one paying for it... you even cheated with a married man. Frigging cripes. Have SOME decency and save some face by sparing your fiances heart and wallet since you don't love him

 
Sunday, July 17, 2016 11:14 AM
Gantz

I meant can sometimes be fixed. I know some people regret never having given it their all but by then it is too late

 
Monday, July 18, 2016 3:52 AM
Guest

You deserve to be lonely your whole life, you are selfish and unhonest, such people shouldn't live. Would laugh my ass off if you died. I'm serious, got no respect for people like you.

 
Thursday, July 21, 2016 8:15 PM
Guest

you are such a mean person it honestly brings me tears reading that, as the women I was with has done roughly the same thing to me. It is so, so, soooo mean words truly cannot describe. I promise you the actions you have forgone will eventually lead you to a very lonely life. Lonely wether it be with, or without someone. You will always feel lonely. Selfish people are always unhappy people. 

Best of luck getting over not seeing the person you love for 7 months. It could be worst, you could be with someone who loves someone else more than you and takes you for a fool. 

 
Monday, July 25, 2016 12:38 AM
Anonymous

This is your fiance, that will be reviewing your story.

EE

I'm a caring hard-working man,  that has one of the most beautiful fiance's in the world, I love you. I promise to always support you financially and emotionally. I will never turn my back on you.  I'm also very responsible (loves to save money), that way we can use it toward our future to be.I love traveling with you, especially taking beautiful, exotic vacations. When it comes to you, money's no object! I have never cheated on you and nor will I do so. You are making me one of the luckiest men (that walks on this planet) but again one of the luckiest in the world.. this  by marrying me. I look forward to our future as a new loving married couple and can't wait to possibly start a family of our own. I love every thing about you, even the smallest flaws don't phase me. but I have noticed something different, and soon...  if I have to, I will bring it to your attention (like loving mature adults do), that way we can discuss it over dinner.

Now weeks have gone by...  Believe it or not... I've already suspected that something fishy is going on. I've notice at times, you're a little secretive with your phone. Also, you tend to come a bit late from work (why is that), so I'm now feeling a slight bit of insecurity, which has never happened. I'm not the jealous type, and you love that about me. 

Also your attitude towards me has change, basically saying that I'm acting immature, that I need to grow up but I did notice now, we seem to get in small disputes more offen. You keep throwing that word "childish", directing it towards me several times and being very blunt, very rude when referring it in a sentence towards me. We have never talked to each other - in this manner... why all of a sudden now? and you say I need to grow up? 

I have to admit, maybe you're right. I have been acting childish, but I'm going to make it up to you.  So I decided to surprise you one day at work.. this during your lunch hour.  I've already went to your favorite restaurant, picked out your favorite food, that way.. we could go spend time at some local park close by, me surprising you by having a picnic.  I love you and just wanted to spend an hour (lunch time), with my beautiful fiancee.

so now I finally pull up to the company where you work.  I walk in and ask for you, the funny thing is, nobody knows where the hell your at?  Everyone seems to be very quiet, when your name is mentioned. They also seem to be avoiding me, which is weird... because people always tend to go out of their way, by saying hi..  but not this time.  So I decided to go back and wait in the car, out in the parking lot, but I do park a little distance, that way I can't be seen. Now something inside of me is ready to explode, why?  Because I now see my fiance pulling up into the parking lot, inside another man's car, and to top it off.. they spent another 10 minutes park.... with eachother. can you believe, in that car!  I remain in my car and then, as they both exit the vehicle, they both are holding hands while going through the company doors, returning back to work..

Wow...What to do now?  inquiry minds want to know....  

Good Luck EE.. you're definitely going to need it!

 
Monday, July 25, 2016 10:02 PM
ALF

Break it off with your fiance.  The way I see it, OM needs you more.  Somebody is going to have to push his wheelchair in 30 years.

 
Saturday, July 30, 2016 1:09 AM
ALF

Just out of curiosity, has OM told you that he's going to leave his wife and child for you?  If so, your fiancé will be the big winner here.  Being rid of you is priceless.

 
Wednesday, August 3, 2016 5:52 AM
Guest

I've read through the sea of condemnation for this lady that has poured her heart out. What surprises me (I'm a man) is that in 2016, hardly anyone is trying to point out the evil originating from the man betraying his young family, the master manipulater taking this lady for a flight of fancy, using her, leaving little clues that he might leave his wife for her but deep down his dark soul knows he'll never do it unless caught. 

 
Sunday, August 7, 2016 5:44 AM
Guest

If you care for your fiance as much as you say then tell him the truth so he can leave you for another girl who isn't a lying slut such as you

 
Sunday, August 7, 2016 5:44 AM
Guest

If you care for your fiance as much as you say then tell him the truth so he can leave you for another girl who isn't a lying slut such as you

 
Wednesday, August 10, 2016 5:10 AM
Lanah102

Phew!!! Thank god a scruba like you is not with any of my brothers. The world can do with less women like you.

And please dont run with the"Oh i wasn't happy" Not that youcan but try to be a decent human and just openely admit you are having the affair because you simply chose to... God lying women like you drive me nuts..Ugh!!!!!!

 

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