Thursday, July 14, 2016 10:08 AM by EE
I am a 23 year old female engaged, due to be married next year, having an affair with a 45yo married man that I work with.
My fiancé is a reliable, hard working, caring man and up until this affair started I would say I was happy and looking forward to our future together however looking at how things are now, I clearly wasn't 100% happy.
I met the other man (OM) over a year ago at work and the attraction was instant however I never thought in a million years he would be interested in me, and given both our relationship statuses and the age gap neither of us actively persued the other: a friendship grew over time and we found that have similar sense of humours, and similar interests which made us connect.
It wasnt until just over three months ago that after communications at work became very frequent and he ended up taking me home as I was unwell that he gave me his phone number. It wasn't sleezy and at first it was just friendly chat. But not a day has gone by since then that we haven't text or spoken to each other, even if we don't see each other at work.
Things intensified pretty quickly after communications started out with work which eventually led to a kiss before a work event, and excuses being made to see each other at lunchtimes, after work for drinks, and eventually for stays in hotel rooms. I've never met anyone like him. It's difficult to put it down into words but we just bounce off each other. The age gap doesn't feel like an issue when we're together and our best times together have been sitting on the wall at lunchtime people watching or having drinks in the pub after work - it's not just sexual.
But here's where it gets complicated. Not only am I due to get married next year, but I am leaving at the end of the year with my fiancé to travel for four months. The OM recently had his first child with his wife at the beginning of the year which makes us both sound like really shitty people and believe me the guilt I feel every single time I think about what I'm doing reminds me of what a shitty person I've become.
He has told me he loves me, and I believe him, and I love him too. Like no other. He hasn't mentioned much about his marriage and it isn't my place to ask. He has said that he feels empty, and that given his age he felt marrying his long term partner was the right thing to do (they have been married for around 2 years) which gives me the impression he isn't completely happy. He has mentioned speaking to a lawyer I presumed about a divorce but I have never asked anymore about that.
He wants us to remain in touch when I am travelling and see how we both feel when I come back which is in about 7 months time before deciding whether we want to be together or not. It will turn both of our lives upside down if we decide to be together both personally and professionally so it's something we have to be completely sure of. However the guilt is affecting my health, I am run down, not sleeping, having issues with eating (both comfort eating and not eating enough at times) and I'm not sure I can wait 7 months before I know how this will pan out. I can't tell anyone because of our circumstances and where we live and work is a small place!
Any advice for this shitty person who has fallen in love.. Would be much appreciated. Thank you.