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Found condoms and lube in her purse

My wife cheated on me

Monday, March 23, 2015 1:46 AM by Jordan Rating: +138|-72

I have suspected my wife has been cheating on me for awhile now.  Just about a year ago she came home from work in tears.  I asked her what was wrong. She then proceeded to tell me that she never wanted to marry me in the first place and thought her feelings for me would change. After almost 4 years of being together, 2 as a married couple, this was heartbreaking to me.  She said she needed some space to figure herself out.  Of course I agreed to this because I love her with all my heart.  She always had her space and freedom to do her own thing, she just chose not to because she thought it's what I wanted.

Things were not improving, she was always at work late, sometimes not coming home until late in the evening to take me to work (I work a steady night job). On a normal week I would be lucky to spend a few hours total with her, and most of this time was spent sitting watching TV with her face buried in her phone ignoring me.  We rarely made love and if we did she often looked bored, never looked at me, and when it was done she would leave the room immediately. It made me feel like less of a human being.  I knew the love was gone.

A few months ago her behaviour became even more distant.  She took her phone with her into the bathroom for long periods of time.  Whenever I entered a room she would hide her cell phone from my view. She ould go out during the weekends to get groceries (which would normally take an hour tops) she would be gone most of the afternoon.  She had no interest in having sex with me anymore, it seemed like a chore to her now and less enjoyable for me.

What really made me suspicious was that she stopped talking to me all together, never saying a word on how her day was going, if she did talk to me all I could get was one or two word sentences or texts from her. I started doing a little snooping around.  For a few weeks I found nothing, until one day I noticed that her purse looked a bit more full than it normally did.  I peeked inside and found a few condoms and lube (which both had been noticeably used).  I never thought I could experience emotional pain like that before.  Nothing in my life has hurt so bad.

She was coming out of the shower and getting dressed, I hugged her and kissed herand asked her if I could ask her something.  She said yes, and I, fighting tears back, asked her if there was someone else.  She looked me right in the eye and said "of course not" My heart was pounding so hard in my chest I thought I might have a heart attack before I could get the words out.  I reached in my pockets and produced the condoms and lube.

At first she tried to be mad at me for looking in her purse but she soon realized she had nothing to be mad about. I asked her how long it had been going on she said it was only just recent and they only had sex 4 times. I knew that I would never really know how many times and how long it had been really going on, or if it was just one guy because all she does all day and night is text, bbm, and facebook. She never talks to me, but her online friends she can talk to for hours.

She said she was sorry and that she would stop immediately, but even since then condoms have been mysteriously disappearing and reappearing in her purse. I want to forgive her, in my heart I have, but in my head I need to get out. The only thing keeping her with me is that I think all she wants is the house we live in. We bought it in November of 2013 using my retirement savings for the down payment.  She brought absolutely no money into the purchase of the house, which didn't bother me at the time, but now I feel like she is just going to screw me right out of my house (which doesn't even feel like home for me anymore) and my future.

I don't know what to do and who to turn to.  I don't have many friends and none that can really help me emotionally. I have a small family and I don't want them to know of what my wife has done because they still love her too and I don't want them thinking less of her.  It's kinda funny how almost a year ago she came to me and said she felt trapped in our marriage, but it was really me who is trapped. Trapped my heart, trapped by her. I don't know if there is a way out for me.

Expert's Comment

Pamela Chambers
Pamela Chambers
Pamela is a lifeworld coach, trained in mind-body medicine, and a mother of 5 children.

There is always a way out.  You just need to have the courage to face the unknown. People will live in miserable situations because they are afraid to face the unknown. Act like a man.  It's time you stand up and let her know that you deserve to have someone to love you.  It is quite obvious to you that she doesn't love you.  She has no respect for you.  You may be entitled to the home if you used your retirement savings and can prove that it was yours before the marriage.  You need a good divorce attorney.  I would suggest a support group to help you to exit the marriage.  If you don't want to live like this for the rest of your life, I suggest a divorce care group.  You may be able to find one at your local church.  

 

Wisdom is knowing when to walk away

Courage is doing it

Dignity is walking way with your head held high.

 

Please find a support group.  In the support group, there are people who are further along in the process and can help you.  There are others who are at the same stage you are at in the divorce.  You don't need to do it alone.  

Warm Regards,

Pamela

    at

www.pamelachambers.com

 

 

Thank you for voting.

Comments

Thursday, April 2, 2015 10:54 AM
NickTV NYC

Jordan, I am so sorry to hear about your story. I hope you don't mind me reaching out, but I am a tv producer in NYC, and I wanted to see if you and your wife might be interested in coming on a talk show in New York City to talk about your issues and get some help and some counseling.  

 
Sunday, April 12, 2015 11:46 PM
Riziati

Man Jordan, that is rough. My sincerest apologies. It's pretty clear you've given everything to accomodate her as best you can, yet she has disrespected you in the worst way. I commend you for not losing your cool entirely and going off the deep end. You seem like a really easy going guy, but you've got to get her out. Each day will continue to be painful otherwise. The longing for her to love you along side the anger for what she has done will eat you alive. It'll hurt to let her go even after what she's done, but it's best for you. It will take courage to do so, but do it before you're any further invested. If you'd like an extra friend to chat with, my E-mail is riziatiworld@gmail.com Goodluck Jordan. 

 
Saturday, May 23, 2015 10:24 AM
Guest

Man I am sry for you! Do yourselfe a favour and leave her, you can´t force her to love you! And she won´t quit cheating, with staying with her you only hurt yourselfe and end eaten up her egoism. It may be normal for humans to love themselfes the most but the gap between this love and the love totheir partner should be like a flight to the moon!

 
Tuesday, May 26, 2015 3:40 PM
Guest

Dear Jordan,

Your story really touched me. I'm so sorry that this has happened to you but it's really important for you to understand that nothing excuses the fact that she CHEATED on you and that is unforgivable. I know at first or maybe still now it can be hard to realize but you just have to move on because no one who cheats is worth your time. regardless on who it is. I don't personally have much experience with being cheated on but I do know somone dear to me that has. It was also hard for him to finally accept it and let her go but trust me you will feel much better and will not regret wallking away from her. I know it's easier said than done but you just gotta do it man. It will get better. I hope everything goes well for you Jordan. :)

 
Tuesday, June 23, 2015 8:29 AM
Guest

Get a PI, Get pictures, Get a divorce.  If you get pictures and have proof chances are you will be awarded the house and she will get nothing.  Better yet, she will discover the grass isn't reener on the other side because a man willing to sleep with a married woman is willing to sleep around on his woman.  Her life will fall apart and you will find someone you deserve.

 
Sunday, July 26, 2015 5:50 PM
Ash

First i want you to know that it know it dam fucking hard inside, it remain here inside evey single minutes, 

Sorry for my words admin but it hard .. what i can tell you my friend if you really want to move on sell the house that you owned and go, change country move go make your life somewhere else really far away from her, 

but before you go thanks her talk to her and tell her (Ty for Opening my eye it was the biggest mistake i ever one, and you won't do it again and simply move, remember cheating is not a mistake it a choice she had make,so be strong 

don't worry about these little thing in life we human live only like 100 years not even sure so don't waste it my friend live it fully today you had lose but tomorrow you will be a winner .

 
Thursday, July 30, 2015 9:28 AM
I FEEL YOUR PAIN

Yet the world is unfair to women right?  they can screw you over and get away with it, sorry to hear about your predicament my fellow man,

Seek counselling if you can, and by all means dont put the blame on yourself, leave this woman and go for an STD test, just because she used a condom doesnt mean she used it all the time, make sure you are healthy and then get financially free, you may take a loss but its better, rather than dying slowly as a man and as a person. This woman lacks a soul and she will be consume what is left of you.

Once you are free from her please work on your state of mind and heart, and this may sound cliche but actually exercise and do something physical, its a great way of relieving tension and stress

Don't stay with this woman, the longer you stay with her the more chance you give her to cause more damage

Forgive her and then move on, we cant force anyone to love us and more importantly dont stay with someone who doesnt care how much pain they inflict.

It is better to be alone than to be with someone who make us feel alone - Robin Williams

 
Friday, July 31, 2015 10:16 PM
Dudeage

 Listen man, you have to get out. Find a lawyer see what you can do about getting through divorce with your stuff intact then walk and never look back. She doesn't deserve you and you do not deserve this. Get out of the house, do some excercise, get involved in something fun that will take your mind of this. Since she is not usually at home you can use that as a way to distance yourself. When she realizes that you have pulled away she she may not care at first then she will be confused and curious. Show her that you can do without her. I know its hard but it will get better for you and you will be stronger and more experienced in the end. Now she has disrespect you and while Hate, Rage and Sorrow might be a way to go about this, the best remains Apathy. Demote her from love of your life to a mere roommate. She comes back, she goes out she fucks him-DON'T CARE. Find happiness in your own way. It doesn't have to be in the arms of another woman. One day she may want to talk, listen to her but do not give fuck. BE happy for YOU not HER. Of course in all this still gather evidence if you can. This way, you can blindside her by walking, no reactions, no nothing. Divoce her and walk, cut her completely from your life and move forward. In short; FORGET ABOUT HER. Good luck man.

 
Saturday, August 15, 2015 12:32 AM
Guest5

I rubbed one off to that story. Its silly to ask what to do, obviously the relationship siezed over a year ago, you were both merely roommates. Stop the heart pounding victim syndrom, clap your hands and say out loud, "what a blessing it happened early on, now I'm available for a woman who will appreciate me and my qualities". Don't be a worm and ponder over it. Divorce will be simple, not enough years for a drawn out battle, depends where you live, its simply "divorce by mail". Move on, drink a beer and be happy.

 
Friday, August 21, 2015 9:50 AM
Guest

I'm so sorry you are going through this. It's a serious trauma to the body and soul finding something like this out. It can feel so incredibly lonely in your corner. I send you an enormous hug. I found out this spring, too, that my husband has been cheating on me since we had our first child. Numerous women. Double life! He was my best friend and I trusted him with my life but a couple of years ago, like you, he stopped talking to me and stonewalled me off. I didn't deprive him of sex, I was a good woman to him, it's just that he became a very selfish an self entitled person. Some people choose to invite evil in their hearts and there is nothing we can do about that. Marriage is a sacred thing and trust and respect are so very vital.. If you don't think you can trust her again and you don't have kids... Run!! I have kids with this guy and its torture and I can assure you if we were childless I would never ever look back.

 
Tuesday, September 29, 2015 8:40 PM
Mr. Bad Boy

Will all you fucking NICE GUYS stop excusing and supplicating your bitch of a wife and her obvious inconsiderate actions!  If she wants to cheat, FINE - but instead of "putting up with her shit," grab that whore by her hair, throw her onto the bed, and give her the BEST FUCK SHE'S EVER HAD - then LEAVE her ass and find yourself someone new!

 
Friday, October 2, 2015 5:57 AM
Nick

Jordan, man I feel awful for you, your story is exactly what I'm going through now. Almost word for word I'm dealing with the same thing.  Mine started about the same time you posted this but really came to a head this week.  I don't really have anything I can say to help, but want you to know your not alone in feeling the way you do.  Good luck man, I feel for you.

 

-Nick

 
Friday, October 2, 2015 6:46 AM
Jordan

Thanks Nick.  It has been a long hard road for sure.  I have been broken down to my core and almost ended my life.  But things are slowly getting better.  We are still together, not sure if its going to last, but for now we are still here.

 
Friday, October 2, 2015 7:42 AM
good guy

Just leave her and get a divorce

 
Saturday, October 24, 2015 5:35 PM
Guest

 

I can tell your from experience, it will be very hard to do what you must do... leave her. It will rough early on but the sooner you do the sooner you can get on with your life. When you eventually bounce back (and you will) you will be stronger than you ever thought you could ever be.

 

On another note, have you ever heard the saying “what's good for the gander is good for the goose?”

 

 
Sunday, November 1, 2015 9:06 AM
AJ

This message is probably coming in too late I guess. But I am gonna write it anyway in case it helps. I have been the same "fool". I didn't want our folks to look down upon her. The cheating continued. Life got simpler because I just stopped giving a shit. But essentially it was me who was trapped, not her. I see it is you who is trapped, not her. I wanted to forgive her for I loved her and as human beings we are designed to cheat at times. However, having made a mistake and having realized that it was a mistake, if you continue to make the mistake or if you don't attempt to mend the relationship, it is obvious that you don't care. And if it is guilt that's holding her back with you, then I am sorry my friend... You both are trapped. I know its a messed up situation with your home and stuff and I really feel terrible about it, but try talking to her about moving on for you will both do yourselves a favor. Some relationships aren't meant to be and its sounding like yours is one. It took me 3 years to realize that during which I lost my peace, my youth, my time, my money... Its gonna be hard for you to trust a random stranger this way, but if your marriage is anyway not going anywhere, then whyy not give this a shot. Sorry and a man hug!

 
Thursday, November 5, 2015 2:50 PM
Tiggs

Jesus man,

Thats gotta suck. Im doing an article for my wellness class. I know how it feels to be betrayed. Not in that way, but in a way that i just can't say. I don't know how old this story is, but know that there's always someone there for ya!

-Tiggles

 
Tuesday, November 17, 2015 10:29 AM
Guest

My wife is not interested in sharing, I have made it clear to her that I would love her to get some extra action on a very regular basis, at least a couple of times a week, say once on a Sunday so I could watch and one night a week I go out, it would be great to know she was at home with someone fucking the daylights out of her whilst I was out.  Years ago I managed to get her to carry a condom in her purse hoping the oppertunity for her to use it may arise, it never did.  She doies not carry one in her purse now but I would still like her to, if another man saw it in her purse it may just start someting off.

 
Tuesday, November 17, 2015 5:41 PM
Guest

I was in a eight month relationship with a cheater. She cheated in the very beginning of our relationship and I forgave her. Five days ago I found out that she was having a long distant affair with someone she meet on facebook. I left. She cried and begged and all that fake shit cheaters do even threatening suicide. I cant do it anymore. Instead of looking at the negitive try my friend to see the positive. I had no children with this crazy maker and no real reason to keep her in my life. For that Im thankful. I do believe that the universe was looking out for me because it all came out pretty early on. Keep your head for you did nothing wrong and remember karma is a bitch.

 
Wednesday, December 2, 2015 3:26 AM
Guest

Move on

I would have sent her ass out the door the day she said she never wanted to get married you. I would have no reason to cry or bitch or moan about condoms and lube she had she told you a year before you found them she did not wont you.  I may sound like a ass but come on man use you brain i would have had a chic over fucking her brains out when your wife came home since she told you it was over a year ago.

 
Saturday, December 19, 2015 11:15 PM
Guest 2

my wife is japanese and   keeps all her notes and books and periperal items in her native  language.  At first this didnt bother me but at a certain point this is what couples use to " learn" about each other.  Much of a couples communication is bolstered from you see and around you every day  indirectly from background commmunication or just things lying around. this is so obvious i dont really need to expalian the fundamntals. She keeps doing this after 10 years and it really is upsetting me. This is how secrets come about and issue dont get dealt with. If I now show curiosity in what she is reading or writing i am accussed of being to nosey. That would somewhat true if we where both speaking the same language. has any one experienced this type of problem and do you see my pont. In certain settings . like the workplace, everyone is required to speak the same lnguage ,becasue often mistakes are picked up not from direct communiction, rather from hearing someone talking in the background. Let us say for example in a hospital setting where an order might have been picked up incorrectly by a nurse and if two nurses are discussing the issue in their native tounge I migt never have caught the mistake. This holds true for marriages and famlies. If your kid was speaking a " diffrent langue ' all the time you might never pick up indirect information. i am not talking about reading diaries  etc where privaxcy is expected rather every day communication. any thoughts on this matter would be appreciated. 

 
Monday, December 28, 2015 4:28 PM
james william

Hello! everyone out here,I am James William  from Portland Oregon United state.It has been my desire to help people out with their problems no matter how little my contribution may be.

 

As regards to the promise i made to BABA ARUOSA if he could help me get back my girlfriend,i'm using this means to fulfill my promise and also let everybody know there's solution to your problem no matter how difficult you think it is okay.

 

I loved a girl for more than 2 years and she told me she was going to marry me.But she would change her mind and tell me she didn't love me anymore and was seeing a guy,which i found out.I begged her to accept me and also tried every means possible to make her know i can't live without her because i really love her but she would pay deaf ears to me.

 

We were working in the same company and each time i see her,i wish all this weren't happening.This pain continued till a friend of mine led me to BABA ARUOSA whom he told me was very extremely powerful and has helped with a problem.

 

Soon as i contacted him,i knew he was the exact answer to my solution because i felt his powers from his carefully selected words and calmness.I explain all that happened to me and he told me what to do.I did as i was instructed and never doubted him.To my greatest surprise what i felt was almost impossible within the twinkle of an eyes was over.

 

She called me pleading for my forgiveness for how she has treated me and that she loves me so much and will never cheat on me again and will marry me.And from that moment till now all we've been experiencing is happiness in our relationship.We'll be getting married soon........lol

 

I would advice anyone with problem to contact him via email : templeofsupernaturalcontact(at)gmail(dot)com for his help.

 

 
Monday, January 4, 2016 2:19 AM
Austin

Let me tell you something Jordan I went through that I caught her I beat the s*** out of a guy I went to jail for a few months a year laterter he dies its about 3 years later we're kind of rectifying it trying to get back together tonight I find lubricant in her purse and she shows all the signs of cheating again they will never change you have to run and move on as I am I'm glad that I listen to my gut feeling their is life after this and believe me their are wemon that want a good man to love it's a huge ocean out their so go catch a better one take care be strong and just walk away and by the way my soon x wife of almost 30 years thinks she will be the hot chick out their at 46 years old has another thing coming!! 

 
Thursday, January 7, 2016 6:05 AM
Matzy

A leopard never changes their spots Jordan, so your wife will always be untrustworthy as well... Start making plans for the inevitable divorce that will surely follow at some point m.

 
Thursday, January 28, 2016 8:09 AM
Guest

James William please follow up with us post your marriage and inform us that she truly has not cheated on you again. I am glad your solution maybe worked out. As for me and my advice I gave the Jordan on a military style of attack worked for me.  I got everything.  The house, the car, the kids, child support ect... I ruined her credit.. She surrendered to me. 15 years later she is miserable and wish she never had done what she to me.  Now my ex wife husband the guy she cheated on me with wanted to to sleep with my new wife at my sons graduation.  Hmm now isn't that interesting concept. A man cannot show weakness.  A woman will always take advantage of that.  In my new marriage my wife and I have a mutual understanding. You mess around with infidelity the hammer will be bought down on you.  A real nice deterrant. It has worked for me.  Married 10 years now.  AF Retired

 
Sunday, February 21, 2016 1:54 PM
Guest jb

I know this story is old, but I'm sure the pain you feel is still fresh as is mine. Last August I discovered a receipt for condoms from Walgreens in my wife's van the morning after she went out with a " girlfriend from her past". When I confronted her she said that they were not hers. The time on the receipt was twenty minutes after she left the house. She was steadily drifting apart for awhile before that. Putting lock codes on here ipod and keeping cell phone with her at all times, even in the bathroom. Going grocery shopping for hours and coming home with not much, one time nothing at all. And coming home after midnight with unbelievable excuses. I moved out last September couldn't stand it anymore when she was the one that wanted divorce said she never wanted to marry. Eight years together married for three. Raised her four kids one which call me dad. All she cares about is herself. Some people are just past feeling. Cold hearted. Since then I lost 30 lbs.  my hair is falling out like crazy, still can't sleep. I feel for you. I hope you will over come. men can have their hearts broke to. God bless.     (Jblum188@gmail.com)

 
Friday, March 4, 2016 2:50 PM
Guest

My god dude are you a loser. She must have been cheating on you since the wedding and it took her to basically tell you two years later for you to figure out. Geez

 
Saturday, April 9, 2016 11:36 AM
Porkpudimoos

If the condoms were MAGNUMS she wont be coming back to you

 
Saturday, April 9, 2016 8:13 PM
Guest

I found out after being marriedalmost 50 years ,actually ialways new what was going on but hopedit would stop

but it doesn't.  Leave while your young. Im 68 now and regret not leaving and finding someone who wouldlove and

respect me. Now im just to old and it still goes on whenshe finds someone willing.   Im so sorry for not leaving, yhe pain

is every day. 

 
Friday, April 15, 2016 5:05 AM
Gidi

Jordan, I command you to rise above your problem. Your wife is the problem here. Get a gun and shoot her , she dies, you go to jail, you get your ass fucked in jail and probably die in jail an innocent man. This will happen if you don't leave her ass now, you might be too frustrated and this will happen. Leave her now Jordan or have a miserable life. don't let the pussy control you Jordan, Open your eyes.

 
Friday, May 20, 2016 3:50 PM
Guest

Dude, it was over when she told you that she "never wanted to marry you in the first place."  You should have popped smoke after that revelation.  She never loved you, and she never will.  She's just out for what she can get from you.  Pull half of your joint accounts and put it into an account of your own.  Then start packing her stuff up for her to move out.

 
Friday, May 20, 2016 3:53 PM
Guest

And for the 68 year old guy... it's never too late.  Kick the bitch to the curb and go get yours.

 

 
Friday, May 20, 2016 4:28 PM
Guest

To Guest 2 with the Japanese wife:  It seems you have ready access to what your wife reads and writes, probably because she knows you can't understand it.  Start taking photographs of everything you find and have it interpreted.  After 10 years, calling you nosey for showing interest is suspicious.

 
Friday, June 3, 2016 11:18 PM
Guest

Let me tell u it happened to me too I have my two boys we were together 17 years and she s taking me to court again afte her losing our 3 homes cost me 370000$ so it tells u u want to file divorce before her turn it on her she ll come back of she won't u dong ever want a cheater  if I d done that first alot would be different but I didn't get a hard nosed divorce lawyer and kick her to the curb make her move out sit her  crap out on the corner tell her come get it and get strong move on 

 
Wednesday, June 8, 2016 1:44 PM
MattDillon

Men today are such wimps.  Ya divorce her, that's a given, separate now.  But look at the bright side man.  Check out the escorts on backpages and/or book a plane ticket to Thailand and I guarantee you will be happy.  Take lots of picture and video as well and email them to your wife.  And if you want to get back into a relationship after your divorce, then go ahead, there is a lot of pussy in the sea.  Man, you have so many options.  

 
Monday, August 1, 2016 9:49 PM
Guest

supposing u continue with her, no amount of love or sacrifice on her part will change the fact that U were cheated. Its unlikely u will get love and affection in this mairrage. The sanctity was dissolved the moment both of you knew she cheated. Sell the house, divorce and move on. 

 
Friday, August 26, 2016 9:44 PM
Guest

I thought this was a porno site, but the story never really got better, you know she says she wants a threesome with two dudes, but nope, just some sad sob story. Kick her out, sell the house, use half the money on hookers and coke. The end. 

 

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