I have suspected my wife has been cheating on me for awhile now. Just about a year ago she came home from work in tears. I asked her what was wrong. She then proceeded to tell me that she never wanted to marry me in the first place and thought her feelings for me would change. After almost 4 years of being together, 2 as a married couple, this was heartbreaking to me. She said she needed some space to figure herself out. Of course I agreed to this because I love her with all my heart. She always had her space and freedom to do her own thing, she just chose not to because she thought it's what I wanted.
Things were not improving, she was always at work late, sometimes not coming home until late in the evening to take me to work (I work a steady night job). On a normal week I would be lucky to spend a few hours total with her, and most of this time was spent sitting watching TV with her face buried in her phone ignoring me. We rarely made love and if we did she often looked bored, never looked at me, and when it was done she would leave the room immediately. It made me feel like less of a human being. I knew the love was gone.
A few months ago her behaviour became even more distant. She took her phone with her into the bathroom for long periods of time. Whenever I entered a room she would hide her cell phone from my view. She ould go out during the weekends to get groceries (which would normally take an hour tops) she would be gone most of the afternoon. She had no interest in having sex with me anymore, it seemed like a chore to her now and less enjoyable for me.
What really made me suspicious was that she stopped talking to me all together, never saying a word on how her day was going, if she did talk to me all I could get was one or two word sentences or texts from her. I started doing a little snooping around. For a few weeks I found nothing, until one day I noticed that her purse looked a bit more full than it normally did. I peeked inside and found a few condoms and lube (which both had been noticeably used). I never thought I could experience emotional pain like that before. Nothing in my life has hurt so bad.
She was coming out of the shower and getting dressed, I hugged her and kissed herand asked her if I could ask her something. She said yes, and I, fighting tears back, asked her if there was someone else. She looked me right in the eye and said "of course not" My heart was pounding so hard in my chest I thought I might have a heart attack before I could get the words out. I reached in my pockets and produced the condoms and lube.
At first she tried to be mad at me for looking in her purse but she soon realized she had nothing to be mad about. I asked her how long it had been going on she said it was only just recent and they only had sex 4 times. I knew that I would never really know how many times and how long it had been really going on, or if it was just one guy because all she does all day and night is text, bbm, and facebook. She never talks to me, but her online friends she can talk to for hours.
She said she was sorry and that she would stop immediately, but even since then condoms have been mysteriously disappearing and reappearing in her purse. I want to forgive her, in my heart I have, but in my head I need to get out. The only thing keeping her with me is that I think all she wants is the house we live in. We bought it in November of 2013 using my retirement savings for the down payment. She brought absolutely no money into the purchase of the house, which didn't bother me at the time, but now I feel like she is just going to screw me right out of my house (which doesn't even feel like home for me anymore) and my future.
I don't know what to do and who to turn to. I don't have many friends and none that can really help me emotionally. I have a small family and I don't want them to know of what my wife has done because they still love her too and I don't want them thinking less of her. It's kinda funny how almost a year ago she came to me and said she felt trapped in our marriage, but it was really me who is trapped. Trapped my heart, trapped by her. I don't know if there is a way out for me.