so, i'll start at the beginning. i been single for four years after being raped by my first boyfriend and I was loving the freedom of not having to commit. i didn't hook up with anyone, didn't even flirt because it just didn't feel right. i would dream about the perfect man and sigh, but i would never see it in any of the men that approached me...... until I met him.

he was dorky, awkward and a bit shy, but I fell for him so hard and so fast. I didn't care that he was morbidly obese, suffered from depression or lived with his mother....... he swept me off of my feet in mere seconds. He told me I was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen, he loved my naturally red hair and that I was a size 12, he loved my figure. For months we were going great, like two partners that became best friends. We skyped every day and just laughed at each other's jokes. We would meet when we could and just sit around and cuddle. It was sappy, but I was so very happy.

staying over at his house the first time we obviously had sex, but the next day he seemed distant as he drove me home. Every time I tried to joke, he would snap and glare ahead like a child. I didn't question it, he needed space. Two days later I receive a text from him saying that he didn't find me attractive, that my small pudge on my belly made him sick to the stomach (keep in mind that he is 19 stone and I am around 10). I got offended, but he later apologised and promised it was his new antidepressants, they were strong and causing his libido to mess up. I was stupid and believed him.

for months after that he ignored me constantly. I would barely get a message until 10pm which simply said "sorry, I was sleeping, I love you". I didn't believe him and my friend suggested that he was cheating, something that has never happened before. I approached him and he told me that it was fine, he loved me and only me and that he was just going through some trouble. Apparently he had liver disease that was greatly effecting his energy levels.

a few days later I make a harmless status on facebook expressing my love for spicy chicken (it's amazing) and a strange girl from his contacts suddenly starts insulting me. She calls me ugly, old and useless so naturally I defended myself...... Only for my boyfriend to shout at me for daring to insult his new girlfriend. I was furious, he told me he had lied about everything, he never loved me because I was fat and I was never funny. I was a huge mistake, the moment he started dating me he regretted it because the next day he met her. He became distant from me, lying about his liver disease in order to spend more time with her. With the words "I was loyal to you, cunt. You are just so irritating" as his last words, I promptly removed him from my life with tears in my eyes.

that was today, wednesday 13th january 2016. 

The moral of this story? trust your gut. iknew something was wrong but i dived too far into my fairytale. there is a reason you feel worried and you need to face that head on.