I have been with my husband for over ten years, married for six. He is an okay guy but pays virtually no attention to me. About a year ago, I was playing a game on an app and a guy started talking to me. It happens a lot, but it's normally guys asking for naked pictures. This guy was so different. He was kind and sweet and asked about my day. He was incredibly religious and faith was a huge part of his life. He had admitted he started talking to me because he thought I was cute (which I am not), but he was so complimentary of other things like personality, intelligence, humor. It felt nice to be appreciated. I had no idea what he looked like as he didn't have a picture, but it was nice getting to know someone without that. A few weeks in, he asked if I wanted to see what he looked like and gave me his wife's name to see pictures on her facebook (he doesn't have one). I couldn't believe someone that perfect looking was interested in me.

Things intensified from there, but it seemed fairly harmless as we literally live on complete opposite sides of the country. We started saying I love you to each other and fast forward a couple of months, he booked an anniversary trip for he and his wife to NY (where I live) on a whim. He planned a spa day for her so we could meet each other. He was even more perfect in person and I was just so blown away that he could find me attractive. Although I felt terrible, we had an amazing time together and leaving was so hard. Our feelings intensified and he started saying he wanted to leave her. Two months passed and we decided to see each other again. This time he flew me across the country to him. It was even more amazing. It became a monthly thing for five months straight. On the fifth visit, he was getting ready to come see me at the hotel and instead called in a panic. His wife had gotten a new phone and signed in to their iCloud and saw all of our messages. 

I thought that maybe they would be over and he and I could finally be together, but of course, that rarely happens. He said he couldn't be a part time father and wanted to try to make it work for his kids. I flew back home the same day and was devastated. He still kept texting me and telling me he missed me, but then he'd go to church and tell me he couldnt talk to me anymore. But of course, the next day he'd text again. Well then his wife found the messages after he had promised her we were no longer talking, and he blocked me. We went a few days without talking but then he started calling again. It just kept dragging out. I would get to a point where I was feeling better again and then he'd suck me back in.

He would tell me about his three counseling sessions a week and how his life at home is miserable. He would tell me he still loved me. After a couple weeks of that, he had to go out of town on business, and remarkably, his wife was allowing him to go alone. We decided to see each other to have closure on our terms, not a rushed split like before. So I went a couple of days ago and stayed with him on his trip. I am glad I went and enjoyed the time with him. He made me feel beautiful and loved, like he always had. It's like a drug, the way he makes me feel. I had never felt desirable or smart or special before him.

The problem is, this trip was supposed to be the end of things, but neither of us can seem to stop. I don't know what to do. Just those few days without him were crushing. I don't know if I can go cold turkey. If anyone has any advice it would be appreciated. Even though I know it's wrong, it's just so hard to give him up.