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Having an affair--advice?

I cheated on my husband

Sunday, February 19, 2017 4:11 AM by Guestgirl Rating: +5|-13

I have been with my husband for over ten years, married for six. He is an okay guy but pays virtually no attention to me. About a year ago, I was playing a game on an app and a guy started talking to me. It happens a lot, but it's normally guys asking for naked pictures. This guy was so different. He was kind and sweet and asked about my day. He was incredibly religious and faith was a huge part of his life. He had admitted he started talking to me because he thought I was cute (which I am not), but he was so complimentary of other things like personality, intelligence, humor. It felt nice to be appreciated. I had no idea what he looked like as he didn't have a picture, but it was nice getting to know someone without that. A few weeks in, he asked if I wanted to see what he looked like and gave me his wife's name to see pictures on her facebook (he doesn't have one). I couldn't believe someone that perfect looking was interested in me.

Things intensified from there, but it seemed fairly harmless as we literally live on complete opposite sides of the country. We started saying I love you to each other and fast forward a couple of months, he booked an anniversary trip for he and his wife to NY (where I live) on a whim. He planned a spa day for her so we could meet each other. He was even more perfect in person and I was just so blown away that he could find me attractive. Although I felt terrible, we had an amazing time together and leaving was so hard. Our feelings intensified and he started saying he wanted to leave her. Two months passed and we decided to see each other again. This time he flew me across the country to him. It was even more amazing. It became a monthly thing for five months straight. On the fifth visit, he was getting ready to come see me at the hotel and instead called in a panic. His wife had gotten a new phone and signed in to their iCloud and saw all of our messages. 

I thought that maybe they would be over and he and I could finally be together, but of course, that rarely happens. He said he couldn't be a part time father and wanted to try to make it work for his kids. I flew back home the same day and was devastated. He still kept texting me and telling me he missed me, but then he'd go to church and tell me he couldnt talk to me anymore. But of course, the next day he'd text again. Well then his wife found the messages after he had promised her we were no longer talking, and he blocked me. We went a few days without talking but then he started calling again. It just kept dragging out. I would get to a point where I was feeling better again and then he'd suck me back in.

He would tell me about his three counseling sessions a week and how his life at home is miserable. He would tell me he still loved me. After a couple weeks of that, he had to go out of town on business, and remarkably, his wife was allowing him to go alone. We decided to see each other to have closure on our terms, not a rushed split like before. So I went a couple of days ago and stayed with him on his trip. I am glad I went and enjoyed the time with him. He made me feel beautiful and loved, like he always had. It's like a drug, the way he makes me feel. I had never felt desirable or smart or special before him.

The problem is, this trip was supposed to be the end of things, but neither of us can seem to stop. I don't know what to do. Just those few days without him were crushing. I don't know if I can go cold turkey. If anyone has any advice it would be appreciated. Even though I know it's wrong, it's just so hard to give him up.

Thank you for voting.


Monday, February 20, 2017 9:26 PM

You are a fucking retard. Stop seeing the bastard and make it work with your husband. Cunt

Monday, February 20, 2017 10:30 PM

It's not as if the feelings you experience with him are so special that it's unique for the both of you. You just experience it that way because your husband doesn't treat you like he does (same goes probably for him and the way his wife treats him). The solution to this is pretty simple, but hard to execute. 1. Cut all the contact with that guy completly 2. Tell your husband everything, tell him how you feel, tell him what you did and why you did it. 3. Get into therapy with your husband, work on your communication and the way you make eachother feel loved and wanted 4. If done correctly and thoroughly by the both of you, you will experience the same (if you not better) with your husband.



Tuesday, February 21, 2017 7:52 AM

Marriage is almost always a struggle. Remember, you fell in love with your husband too. Who's to say that this man wouldn't be a difficult marriage as well. Marrriages that start as affairs usually don't turn out well, and could you trust this guy knowing what he did to his first wife. I know you make no mention of marrying this guy, but I have to believe that such thoughts may be nagging you quite a bit. that's why I bring it up.

Love deepens in marriage after the honeymoon is over. When the humdrum of life sets in, and the inevitable relationship difficulties arise, this is when the love between a husband and a wife has a chance to develop into a more mature and permanant love. It would have been better if you had been able to tell your husband how you felt and trying to resolve it before jumping into a kind of fantasy life which was doomed to only cause more pain for everyone involved, but time cannot be reversed. I agree with the comment above. No more talks with the other man, and certainly no more seeing him. Doing so will only stoke the fire. A final message apologizing, an acknowledgement that it was a huge mistake, and a painful permanant cut off is the only way.

I also agree that coming clean with your husband is necessary. You may want to confess this to a trusted friend before telling your husband, if you have such a friend. They might be able to help guide and support you through the process. If you truly want to mend things with your husband, and he sees that you are deepyl, profoudlyy sorry, he may well forgive you. Though he may not at first. He will probably be overwhelmed by pain at first. It could be a stormy time ahead, but if he sees your sincerity over time, he may well be willing to try again. You may both find in the coming years that your marriage is better than it had ever been before.

Tuesday, February 21, 2017 7:53 AM

Sorry for my typos.

Tuesday, February 21, 2017 8:59 AM

He's incredibly religious?  Faith is a huge part of his life?  And yet he's cheating on his wife?  The both of you are about as intelligent as a box of rocks.


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Expert's opinion is limited to the information presented, and is to help you consider options; it is not and cannot take the place of a counseling session. By reading this, you agree that none of the experts offering information are liable for actions you or others take. If you feel that counseling could be helpful, please look up counselors available in your area.
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