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He has a daughter by someone else

My husband cheated on me

Sunday, November 29, 2015 3:49 AM by Lost Rating: +15|-9

My husband and I met in High School 29 yrs ago now. We started dating in 1986, our 1st child in 1988, graduared in 1989, got married in 1989. I was 16 and he was 17 when all this started. I am now 45 & he is 46. Married now 26 yrs, 4 grown children &I going on 8 grandchildren. We moved to FL in 1990ish and have been here since. We come from MA, both of us. His family ended up coming here and we are all neighbors, right next to each other, all in a row. We bought a house, had careers. Life was good. At least I thought. Being in MA my husband had cheated on me more than once. Always denied it. I really couldn't prove it, I had feelings that he did, so I couldn't put blame on him with just the feeling I got. 

Back in 2006, my Mom was going through very rough financial problems (she still lived in MA). My Mom lost her home, cars & even business. I went home to move what I could into her business, so she would have a place to live. She didn't want an apartment or anything like that. Her husband at the time was and still is an ass (they divorced in 2010). My husband decides he was going to fly up while I'm there to give a helping hand. He goes to a uhaul dealer and rents a uhaul. I planned on bringing things back to FL with me. Long of those toon of the story, I drove back to FL with the uhaul and my husband flew back. Nice of him. 

When I arrived at my home in FL, my husband was already there. He informed me he was going back up to MA next wknd to put in a shower for my Mom. So she was able to shower and live a semi normal life. I was touched that he would want to do that for them. He flew out that following wknd as planned as I went to work as scheduled. I called him around the time he should have been already landed getting his luggage. No answer. (There was no texting then, don't laugh). We had Nextel at the time, so I sent him an alert through the wallow talkie. Nothing. This went on all day. At this point I can't focus at work. Thinking the worst. Late that night he finally answers me and of course I question him. He tells me I'm paranoid, stop thinking bad. At this point married 16 yrs just shy of 17. He told me he was just upset my Mom just lost everything and he was taking time to think. Oh ok. Didn't think anything more. He put my mind as ease.

During the rest of the week he decided he would stop all communication. Not just with me but his children as well. I started to call a mutual friend of ours that I knew he would have contact with my husband. He also played it off that he hadn't seen nor heard from him much at all. He not just told me this he always told my children this as well. I was a true basket case for an entire week. 

During this week when he wouldn't answer. I went over to my mother in laws house, went on the Internet, looked at a detailed phone bill from when I was up in MA and so wasn't he........boom got him. There were numbers from MA. Remember we live in FL now and there were only a few we knew from MA anymore. I called the numbers restricted of course. One of the numbers, wouldn't answer of course, well when the voice message came on and said "this is Rachel from uhaul leave your name and number and I'll get back to you". I must have called to hear this message or hoping she would answer a 1,000 times. I ended up leaving a message, basically letting her know if she was fucking around with my husband (gave his name) that he was married, had 4 children, that she needed to let me know. At some point she did end up answering and of course she denied doing anything with him, she didn't know what I was talking about. Then how did your number end up on my bill multiple times. 

He came home and yes I asked on a daily and long story he denied and blamed it on the mutual friend of ours. This all happened in May-June of 2006. December came around and my husband sprung on me that he was going to MA but yet again. He had made a promise not to go back to MA without me. I reminded him of such promise. He told me I wasn't allowed to go because he was going with his parents to see a family member that I do not care for and the feeling is mutual from the other to me. I told him no he wasn't going. Well he went. Once again he ignored me and the kids the entire week. I went as far as calling the local police to the persons house that I and him don't like each other @ 3am. Boy was this person pissed. I just wanted to know my husband was ok. The person ended up calling me after the police left and said to me "you stupid bitch, your husband is here with his pregnant girlfriend. I should seek legal advise. I explained that no one is being honest and how do I know any of what you are telling me is true. You hate me and the feeling is the same back at you". I finally got a hold of my husband and told him what this person told me and again I'm the crazy one, nothing is going on, you know that person don't like you he will say anything to hurt you. At one point I even had a conversation with my mother in law and she denied it all as well. (It will make sense in a minute)

So for years to come I was lied to by all of them. The truth did come out in 2011. The Internet through the years improved let's say. I added a family member a niece on Facebook. I don't get along with her due to her decisions. I thought why not right now. Maybe you'll find something out. Well one night stayed up all night November 16-17 to be exact. Went through her friends. She had this woman Rachel but a different last name than I was told yes ago. I started looking but limited. Brick wall right, wrong. She was married, he had Facebook. Clicked on him started searching. BINGO. Going through his pictures and came across one that said "(the child's nick name I will not put) opening her present (Christmas of 2010) from grandma and grandpa (said my in laws last name) in FL. I went to town and started printing, saving to my USB, all of it. While my husband was sleeping mind you. I got in my car, it was early. My mother in law was admitted to the hospital (unrelated to this of why she was there) and I drove all the way to the parking lot of the hospital and decided once getting there i wasn't going to confront her about it. I started to drive back home, that's when my husband called me to ask where I was. I started off with "so when were you going to tell me about (said the child's name). He said nothing at first. He finally after 5 years said yes it's his. I told him to leave and leave quietly. He did but he is currently here. 

I ended up reaching out to the mother and boy was she nasty to me as if I did something wrong. Long of that story we actually ended up communicating on Facebook. Questions were asked,I got more from her than my husband. She has nothing to lose. She gained a child, don't deal with my husband at all. The child was adopted by her husband. I got some of the paperwork and was reading it. It said the father (my husband) had seen the child twice its it life and gave a time frame. I was never in shock, even when I found the truth out. There was one time a few yrs back that I, my husband, our daughter, my mother in law, father in law, my niece and this child was with her, we went to Dunkin Donuts (I am a new enlander). The in laws because I asked who's kid. Oh it's my nieces Mom's friends kid they went on vacation and asked if they would watch her. Didn't think nothing of it at that time. I called my husband after reading these papers and asked about that time of that was his daughter. He said yes. How dare you do that to me but to do that to our daughter, knowing that was her half sister, really? Him and his family are liars. I found out as well back in December when they were in MA that the in laws told this woman that my husband and I were getting a divorce and only had 2 children. When I found out my mother in law, a mother her self condoned the situation, lost all respect for her as a human. I wrote her a 8 page letter in 2012 explaining my thoughts of her and her own actions.

 We are still together, yes I bring it up when something triggers the thought, no he has nothing to do with the child. I have so many emotions about it. I need to seek counseling on this. One thing that sticks in my mind on a daily is what the Mom said about her own child " it was a meet you, drink a lot scenario and there daughter is a result of it". Who thinks of there child like that? Not I. I am classy in the manner I don't go to bars and pick up someone I don't know from Adam and screw them. That's just me. The little girl whom is 8 now knows of my 4 children. I actually made a book of all of them with my 2 grandchildren and had it sent to her. I am the bigger person all the way around. Why? It's not my fault, not my children's fault not this child's fault this all happened. One day she will have questions of why her sperm donor gave her away and kept the 4 he already had? I'm sure they'll be more questions. 

That's my story and it's a struggle on the daily. I already know people will judge me. I'm cool with that. I have to figure out this for me. Thanks for reading. 

Tags: Dating; Daughter; Divorce; Friend; Kids; Pictures;

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Comments

Sunday, November 29, 2015 8:30 AM
Dan

I want to thank you for posting this story, it hits close to home. My wife had a child with another man while we were married. I just found out two days ago and this " kid" is half our age. I'm still in shock and I have no idea what I'll do. It goes without saying she's not in my house with our daughter. We have been married sixteen years and I am wishing all kinds of bad things would happen to her but then I think we have a daughter together and she's the best thing that ever happened to me. I need to move forward and get custody of her, I sure hope my soon to be ex enjoys being poor because she will be. With me she had everything she could possibly want this boyfriend of hers works at a fast food restaurant good luck to them. She's gone from prime rib to hamburgers . Good luck Terry your on your own. I loved reading your story and thank you so much. It was like reading about myself. 

 
Monday, November 30, 2015 1:51 AM
Lost

Dan,

I'm sorry you are going through this as well. I said the same thing to mine if I had been the cheating one and came home pregnant how would he feel. I think we both know what he said. My opinion about your child together, unless she is unfit don't take it out on the child. The child does know both of you and loves both of you. You wouldn't want her to chose at such a young age of whom she loves more. This is between you and your wife. Just my thought on it. I have had nothing but time to think of all he has done and his family, double whammy. There's other things that I am going through besides this. My son is battling his egg donor of his 2 boys, she signed her rights to him and has spent thousands and still in the courts after almost 3 yrs. If your a druggy you get more, being on nothing you pay out the ass. He has since married another woman and she is adopting them, as soon as the courts get there shit together. My daughter is a adult and has been sick from cancer and now MS. There's a lot going on. Thank u for telling your story because woman think it's only men that cheat, wrong. 

 

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