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Help pls sos urgent

I cheated on my boyfriend

Thursday, March 17, 2016 1:35 AM by ashamedgirlxoxo Rating: +13|-18

I still don't know how I did it. I've had a boyfriend for 2 years now. We were very happy and everyone said we'll end up married. But last summer my childhood crush moved to the next door and everything suddenly changed. At first we were friends and it was all good, I tried very hard to cover old feelings. But one night my "old" crush came to my house to watch a movie together while I was home alone and 15 min later we were kissing and I cheated on my boyfriend. I didn't have a certain reason, I just did not know which one of them was my true love. What I did was terrible but I had to do it, after all these years if I still have deep feelings to my "old" crush and he loves me too,

Can a person who's been cheated on before tell me what to do and am I right or wrong? 

Expert's Comment

Pamela Chambers
Pamela Chambers
Pamela is a lifeworld coach, trained in mind-body medicine, and a mother of 5 children.

You were wrong.  You had an unfinished relationship before you started another one.  I don't think I need to tell you that.  Your guilt is appropriate.  The first mistake is trying to make a friend out of an old lover where there are still strong feelings towards him.  If you want to continue with your current boyfriend, I suggest you end your relationship with your old flame and don't say a word to your current boyfriend.  Do not hurt him by dumping your guilt on him.  What good is it for him to have the knowledge that you cheated on him.  You will hurt him deeply and the relationship will forever be changed.  The only way to find out which one of them is your true love is to quit straddling the fence.  If you continue to straddle the fence, you will fall.  You should end it with one of them in order to find out who it is you want to be with.  

You need to examine what it is that you want from your man and which one fills your needs best.  Are you looking for marriage with children?  Who will make the best father and husband?  Those are the questions you need to ask.  You should ask yourself, "What did you say to yourself that made it okay for you to sleep with another man?  You can't say I don't know because all the thinking shuts down.  Really think about that question.  The answer to it will tell you why you chose to do such a thing.  Then, you will know how to fix it.  

 

Good luck and if you think I can help further, check me out at pamelachambers.com

With Spring love,

Pamela

 

Thank you for voting.

Comments

Thursday, March 17, 2016 9:46 AM
Hi

Then stay with your old crush you seem more interested in him. Enjoy your life and make the best of it BUT do not hurt or play with anyones feelings involved. Be honest and true to yourself and both guys involved. At the end everything works itself out.

 
Thursday, March 17, 2016 10:38 AM
B

I haven't been cheated on before, but this is what I think.

Maybe you should take some time to think about your relationship with your boyfriend and whether you want to continue it. Think about whether you want to have a relationship with your childhood crush. Think about what you want in a relationship.

Subsequently, you should talk to your boyfriend about how you feel about your relationship with him and any concerns you have. Maybe your boyfriend can do something about it. You probably feel guilty about cheating on him and if you don't want to continually feel bad about it and want to have a "happy life" with him, you should tell him about your cheating. maybe you can work through it. Generally, it will not be a good conversation. Ask him to take some time about whether he wants to conitnue having a relationship with you. If he doesn't, then grieve over it and then move on. Then maybe you should talk to your old crush and ask him how he feels about having a relationship with you.

As to whether you are right or wrong, there is no bright line rule that tells you that. I'm not a judge on morality (who is?), but I can say that it was deeply hurtful to your boyfriend.

You should try doing some research on what to do. Maybe see a priest if that's something you feel comfortable with.

 
Thursday, March 17, 2016 3:35 PM
Guest

You are selfish because you can be. Unfortunately, what you have done and what you are doing will only lead to pain for all. You dishonored your self and your relationship with your boyfriend. To start to try to set things right, you have to tell him what you did and set him free. He doesn't deserve to be treated like shit by a selfish slut. You and your "crush" can try to make a go of it, but of course he will know about your ease of cheating on a boyfirend. Your character is out there. You never said you loved your boyfriend, maybe he doesn't love you either? Whatever the case may be, you killed that relationship. Even if you stay with him and he never finds out, you will always know what kind of person you are and how you wronged him. That will eat away at you for the rest of your life. 

 
Thursday, March 17, 2016 8:36 PM
Guest

     This is the same story that plays out with women every where. My ex and I had a great relationship  and her ex boyfriend decided  to contact  her through facebook. I was  ready to marry her. When she asked if I mind I said nooooooooooooo go ahead. I would never had agree if she was my wife. I wanted to test her out before I popped   the big question.  Well she cheated. Old feelings of love  came back. Funny the feelings on why they broke  up was forgotten.lol she left and 7 months later she remembered  why they broke up. He cheated again.lol she came back and told me she made a big mistake so I fucked her and as soon as I was done asked her to leave. Yeah I'm an asshole. 9 years later she's  alone and I'm married  with 3 kids. She fat now she did me a favor. So yeah leave the boyfriend  your child hood  friend is much better. You know with all the fuzzy warm feelings. Lol. God women are dumb. Listen you ass think with your brain not your feelings. DUMBASS. NOW you have to tell your boyfriend  because  a relationship  won't  service on lies. And the ass hole that said go with your ex is probably  a selfish  whore. 

 
Saturday, March 19, 2016 6:43 AM
Guest

I say to just take b's advice.

At the same time, I would make it clear to both guys that you had cheated.

And remember that if you are truly sorry for it. Don't ever do it again. Ever! Your past does not define you but how you come out of it and learn from it will.

 
Friday, March 25, 2016 4:57 AM
Guest

He doesn't love. He just doesn't mind a free meal.

 
Thursday, March 31, 2016 5:03 AM
Lana

Am i right or am i wrong? Seriously! If you don't know the answer to that then your'e stealing good people's oxygen. 

 

To get into him within 15 minutes says a lot about you. I think there is more to it than you are saying. I'd say you have form for being with different men before this guy

 

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