Saturday, May 7, 2016 2:40 AM by Guest
Needing some advice. My relationship feels different, we're only 4 years in and I have many doubts about our future together but I am too afraid to make a move. He has cheated in the past...now it's me who's the cheater. I must be honest, I don't feel bad. I acknowledge I am not in love with my boyfriend anymore. Too much has happened. Could we go back and fix things? Or would he kill me for cheating? He has displayed violence towards me, and I've been threatened many times is why I worry.
We hang out with his side of the family a lot, so I've gotten close to his sister. She's always telling me how her husband cheats & how she keeps an eye on him like snooping through his phone and stalking him at work. It made me think of him(Jake) as a player. I know what it feels like to be betrayed. Well I fucked Jake, he's so attractive and does everything right. But it's all physical and I'm a whore for doing it, but he came on strong & I caved. What can I say? He's hott & a player.
Then I have someone else, my ex Alijah. I love him so so much. And we talk a lot about being together. I cheated on him with my now boyfriend which is why I lost interest quickly. I never gave him a chance to be with me because I was being a hoe. I deeply regret doing that, Alijah knows everything about the past. He says he loves me, always did..and he always wished I would come back to him. I wonder if we could actually be together? That this isn't just the thrill of cheating on people to have a little fun which keeps us interested. I want to be in love. My now bf claims there is no such thing. He's not touchy feely...am I just seeking emotional fulfillment with Alijah? He's always made me feel alive...we have and incredible intimate connection, it's undeniably strong.
My son is what worries me most...current bf says the baby is the only reason he stays with me. That isn't enough! I want both of us to be happy..for us, for our son. I don't want to be stuck. Is this fixable????