Monday, June 6, 2016 11:54 AM by Guest
What makes a marriage last? Or not? Is it “love at first sight that carries a couple through decades of living together? Or is it “shared values” which might change in either one, the other or both? Perhaps it’s financial security, or great sex… well that’s not always going to last – that’s for sure. Or is it a pure stubbornness to the construct itself? And whose values are they? And are they worth it when the “construct” is seriously “listing”?
After 27 years of marriage, four beautiful kids and a some crisis moments, including sexual indiscretions (OK, a full-out affair), I have asked myself this question until I am sick in the stomach. I don’t know the answer. I just know that the reason that someone marries can be so varied, and it can change over the course of a lifetime. You may have “fallen in love” with your ideal mate, only to find that his/her passion for love might also portend a tendency for mood swings – including depression. You might go through trials together – the loss of a child, a parent, a business – and find that this is what takes the wedding cake. You may change aspirations, beliefs, even retirement goals – and think to yourself, “Who is this person I am attaching myself to and why?” Or you may think that now that there are children involved … well, yu can’t “involve the children.”
What is real happiness anyway? Is it inside of that fantasy bubble of an affair? Is it the birth of your first child? Is it tied to your spouse or fully separate? I stil am searching for that answer.