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How to Recover

I cheated on my husband

Monday, June 6, 2016 11:54 AM by Guest Rating: +4|-4

What makes a marriage last?  Or not? Is it “love at first sight that carries a couple through decades of living together? Or is it “shared values” which might change in either one, the other or both? Perhaps it’s financial security, or great sex… well that’s not always going to last – that’s for sure. Or is it a pure stubbornness to the construct itself? And whose values are they? And are they worth it when the “construct” is seriously “listing”?

 

After 27 years of marriage, four beautiful kids and a some crisis moments, including sexual indiscretions (OK, a full-out affair), I have asked myself this question until I am sick in the stomach. I don’t know the answer. I just know that the reason that someone marries can be so varied, and it can change over the course of a lifetime. You may have “fallen in love” with your ideal mate, only to find that his/her passion for love might also portend a tendency for mood swings – including depression. You might go through trials together – the loss of a child, a parent, a business – and find that this is what takes the wedding cake. You may change aspirations, beliefs, even retirement goals – and think to yourself, “Who is this person I am attaching myself to and why?” Or you may think that now that there are children involved … well, yu can’t “involve the children.”

What is real happiness anyway? Is it inside of that fantasy bubble of an affair? Is it the birth of your first child? Is it tied to your spouse or fully separate? I stil am searching for that answer.

Tags: Kids;

Thank you for voting.

Comments

Tuesday, June 7, 2016 4:05 PM
Angel

      Seeing that after 27 years you still haven't  figured  it out shows lack of maturity.  It is the small things that bring happiness  not the big events. The way my wife smiles, the way she gets angry, when she wakes up in  the morning, How she cries watching sad movies, her smell, her touch, her passion, her heart and yes even the thing I dislike about her. These are the things that makes me fall in love all over again. True love is unconditional. Beliefs  and/or change of goals won't  change  the love. It appears  your love came with conditions and so did the vow you made with him before God. The people that tell you marriage is 50/50 always fail in marriages. When two people become one they must give themselves thier all. Couples should give 100% of them selves to each other. When your spouse gave you only 60% you should have gone in overdrive and gave him 140% to make up for the other percentage he didn't  give you. Why? Because that is what love is. Your are so worry looking for your own happiness  that you fail to realize  that your selfishness  is what makes you unhappy. If only people would be honest with their  spouse. Communication  is  key. Did you truly  communicate with him and told him what you wanted. I very much  dought  it. You went to another for warmth and to satisfy  your need instead of going to your husband. Did you ever wonder why he didn't  give you what you needed? Could it be you didn't  give him what he needed. Your post says alot about your character and I'm not being judgemental, I'm just going off of what you wrote. Real happiness  is knowing someone will remain faithful  through thick and thin, for better or worst to death do you part. You failed and your happiness is still no where to be found. Your affair just made your search for happiness even more difficult. The affair gave you a short time of good moments ( false happiness ) but it also gave  you a bigger feeling of failure. Before you can understand  what happiness is you must give it. Share it. And be faithful to it. 

 
Tuesday, June 7, 2016 5:37 PM
Guest

Angel nailed it. 27 Years? 4 kids? What do you think life is about? Marriage is a committment to form a family with another person. With each child that is born to that couple, the committment grows. Love? Love is simply caring about other people. Love comes in different degrees of intensity and depth. Spousal love is the deepest, it is caring about the well being of your spouse as much as you care about your own well being. Love for your children is the next most important love. Both kinds of love mean a willingness to trade superficial personal pleasures for the deeper security and happiness of family. So, when you cheated on your husband, you also cheated on your kids. Sadly, you also cheated on your self. Whether anyone else ever finds out about what you have done, you, your mutual adulterer and God know what you have done. From what you wrote, I doubt you know God. That means, you will not be forgiven by him, or yourself for your dishonor. You will live with what you have done until you die and then into eternity. This is not a curse, it is a statement of fact. 

 
Tuesday, June 7, 2016 6:50 PM
Guest

do you know who the father of kids are, I certainly hope you are making your husband raise another mans child unknowingly. and by know I mean you definitely did not have sex with anyone othr than your husband around time of conception. if it was even within the month you need to get dna tests. does your hussband know of the affair? You need to answer many questions to yourself and just as the people said above you are somehow not mature enough to know true love. Your affair certainly did not help and if anything I have said above is still in question I can tell you that you do not love your husband or children since you are not giving everyone the choice to know their real blood relatives. even if you didnt have sex around time of conception, I would offer a DNA test to your husband for the 4 kids to show your resh commitment. Or just get an amicable divorce. It doesnt seem like you want to be married anyway

 
Tuesday, June 7, 2016 7:48 PM
Lilly

  OMG. Reading Angels response  felt like a stab to the gut. Just to be clear I am not the one who posted this. But who ever did I'm feeling for you right now.  I don't think there is any other way to put it. I totally  agree with people's response  here you  ever new love and it's sad. 27 years. Wow

 
Tuesday, June 7, 2016 8:53 PM
Guest

  I need to hear a response  from the person who post this. Because DAMN! ANGEL JUST DIGGED IN YOUR ASS LOL.

 
Wednesday, June 8, 2016 3:36 AM
Guest

All I heard was "blah, blah, blah, I'm a bitch".  You are really one piece of work lady.  All you're looking for is validation for carrying on affairs.  I doubt you ever loved your husband.  You only married him for what you could get out of him.  If you're not happy, tell your husband and work it out.  Or leave.  And I agree with the third guest.  DNA testing may be in order.

 
Thursday, June 9, 2016 5:59 AM
Guest

Hey! Unlike the other sanctimonious commentators here I really liked your post, it felt very sincere, honest, thought through and "human" for short. All together quite different than reading posts from 20-somethings illiterates who wonder why there are such big sluts, and what will happen when their bfs find out they've been sleeping with their bosses, jesus! I wouldn't presume to know the answer to your query, but rest assured that none of the above have ever given 140% of anything.    

 
Thursday, June 9, 2016 7:21 AM
Guest

I agree that your happiness matters.  As to that, only you can decide what happiness really is.  Many of us chase that idea around until the day we die.  May problem with the writer is her idea that marriage is a construct.  If it is a construct that you don't believe in, then move on.  Some people just don't do well in the construct and that causes unhappiness.  If you don't like the house because you are unhappy, then move.

 
Thursday, June 9, 2016 11:49 AM
Julius

   THE PERSON WHO RESPONGED CALLING PEOPLE SANCTIMONIOUS. I'M GOING TO DO THIS IN CAPITAL  LETTERS SO YOU CAN HAVE FUN BEING THE GRAMMAR POLICE ON A SITE THAT HAS BUGS AND CHANGES YOUR WORST EVEN AFTER YOU PROOF READING IT. 

  NO ONE IN HERE HAD A MORRALY SUPERIOR  RESPONSE. ESPECIALLY ANGEL  WHO BY THE WAY SPOKE IN A WAY THAT ONLY AN EDUCATED  PERSON COULD EXPRESS HIM SELF. THE PROBLEM IS THAT THE TRUTH HURTS. WE ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT A YOUNG WOMEN BUT A WOMEN MARRIED FOR 27 YEARS YOU FUCKING DUMB ASS. YOU WORRY ABOUT THE FUCKING GRAMMER BUT THE FACT  THAT THIS WOMEN IS PROBABLY IN HER LATE FIFTY AND HAS NOT MATURED OR LEARNED FROM HER MISTAKE WELL THATS OK. GRAMMER NO GOOD TARZAN MUST CALL POLICE. LOL.  YOU SIR ARE A JOBBERNOWLE. <---- since yours so educated you should know what it means. SHE MIGHT HAVE WROTE ELOQUENTLY  BUT STILL FAILED IN KNOWING WHAT HAPPINESS IS. HER WORDS NOT MINE. TO SAY NO ONE HERE HAVE EVER GAVE A SPOUSE 140% IS TO SAY YOU DID YOUR RESERCH ON THESE PEOPLE WHICH YOU HAVE NOT AND CANT POSSIBLY  KNOW THAT. I CAN MAKE  A GUESS THAT IN LIFE YOU ARE A IMPRUDENT PERSON. GRAMMER WAS WELL PUT BUT YOU FAIL TO READ THAT SHE HAS NOT FIGURE LIFE OUT YET AT HER AGE SO WHO IS ILLITERATE NOW. 

 
Thursday, June 9, 2016 1:20 PM
Guest

thank you Julius, i was one of the original commentors. I learned a new word lol. 

 
Thursday, June 9, 2016 2:53 PM
Guest

Your post was courageous and worthy, thank you for sharing, and happy living. 

 
Friday, June 10, 2016 3:28 AM
Guest

@Julius: So you and Angel pretend to know what real happiness (or dare I even say love) is? Then there are no others more morally superior than you here my friend.

Btw, it's "responded", "research" "late fifties", "have ever given", you are (not yours)", "figured" etc.

/Tarzan the imprude, who's never had any problem with bugs on this site even though I live in the jungle.

 
Wednesday, June 15, 2016 10:37 PM
Guest

Person above me. You do realize he purposely did that?

 
Wednesday, June 15, 2016 11:13 PM
Leyla

  Actually  julius is right. This site sometimes won't even let you comment. I have had problems with it before. It's like autocorrect. So you got WiFi in the jungle? 

 
Thursday, June 16, 2016 5:36 PM
Guest

  To the guest coming @ Julius. You still haven't  refuted what julius and angel said. Name calling without an explanation  shows ignorance. Tell me with an explanation  why both men are wrong.  And please do it without the English lesson. 

 

@ Julius I have visited your site and I would like to talk more about your truth on psychology forum. I sent you an email under the title case study.

 
Thursday, June 16, 2016 7:54 PM
Big e

The English professor needs to have sex with a chimp in the jungle.

 
Thursday, June 16, 2016 9:53 PM
Julius

  It's not pretending when you wake up every morning  with a smile and go to sleep with it still on your face. Maybe your on the same path and haven't  figured  out life.  The person who post this lived a life being deceitful. This person clearly has not shown that she has matured. This person was never honest with someone who was closer to her then any of us but yet she is being sincere with strangers? Her writing  clearly indicates she is justifying  her  action.  So yes your an imprude. Now look for more grammar problems because again that's what's important.

 
Sunday, June 19, 2016 8:46 PM
You won't like my opinion

   Jungle man sounds dumb as fuck But his grammar is on point.😂😂😂😂😂😂

 

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