Saturday, May 14, 2016 8:32 AM by Maression
There has only been 3 guys in my life, A, B, C. I started dating A, cheated on him with B (B basically had me against the wall, didn't wanna do it), A broke up with me but I still wanted him. After that, I met C and basically had to decide if I wanna date B or C (B had great looks, C had great personality). I chose B, broke up with him after a while, dated A again, broke up with him after a while cause he moved countries, then B dated me again.
Now I'm still with B, but not really fancy continuing, and he knows (!) cause we've talked about it. I'm pretty honest and straightforward with him when it comes to how long we'll continue or how I feel. I have however become kinda obssesed over him because he is that magazine type of guy when it comes to looks, but we don't rly have chemistry or communication. I get jealous and obnoxious over him going out and uploading pics etc, and I had been thinking of ending it for the past 2 weeks. I am diagnosed with depression and I don't know if that has to do anything with the way I act. It's pretty strange feeling so obssesed over some things. I don't see a psychologist atm however.
So anyway, I met with C through a friend the other night and he ended up touching me in places and kissing my ear, whispering and stuff while watching a horror movie all together. (4 people, my friend, C's friend, C and me). We went to another room afterwards, while my friend was doing her thing with her love interest (C's friend) because he said he wanted to talk to me. I didn't wanna kiss him even though he went for it a couple of times but in the end I did. So anyway, we basically kissed and were turned on/touching and that was it. Our mutual friend is gonna leave town and I'll have to see them both again before our friend leaves, and I don't know what I should be like towards him. I do love the chemistry we have and I think he'd be great for me to try at least, but I really don't like his looks, unfortunately. Solely because of how much he weights. And that's something I thought I'd never consider to be a problem, but it turns out it is. I wouldn't wanna break up with B because of C, I'd much rather wait for it to come naturally and see then what I wanna do.
I don't really regret what happened, basically cause I've been slightly dead inside a while now and can't seem to care enough, even though I regretted cheating on A a while back. I know it's wrong, and that's why I tried to not kiss C or prevented him from doing stuff, but I can't come to realise it.
So what now? What if/when I see C again?