Me and my fiance have been together for about five years. We met in high school and i fell for him so fast. I was crushing on him for such about 3 months before he actually noticed me. During that time he was obsessing over a girl, which i had no idea about until after a month. She never gave him a chance because she was not interested in him. But I could tell that there was still something there. He still had feelings for her. I confronted him about it, and he denied everything. After having 6 months together, one day i went through his phone to find a cute selfie we took together to send it to myself, but I found about 10 pictures of the girl he had been obsessing over. Which broke my heart because I really thought me and him were meant to be. I didn't break up with becuz i felt like i couldnt and I forgave him. About 3 years passed and I was still not over the way he made me feel. The way he had humiliated me, I felt that I was his second choice and I just wanted to get him back so bad, but I couldn't fully get myself to do that becuz I loved him. I felt so unwanted by him, I got on a site where you meet friends. And many guys were talking to me, but there was one guy who really got my attention. He automatically wanted to take me out after just a conversation and he thought I was beautiful. After 5 years of being in a relationship my boyfriend lost the touch, and he no longer would even take care of me. He would no longer make me feel special or sexy or beautiful or appreciated. So I continued talking to this new guy and I told him I had a boyfriend. When me and him met up for the first time it was so magical, he made me feel butterflies in my stomach and just talking and walking with him was perfect. I felt a strong connection and bond with him. I started getting feelings. He asked me if I could be his cuddlebuddy and I said yes. So we would meet up and get in his car and watch a movie together. We would cuddle in his car and we watched the Notebook. Not realizing how bad of a decision this was, we watched the movie and I became so aroused, and I saw that he did too. I started tickling him and he tickled me and then it led to me making out him. I didnt mean to do it but I did and it was incredible kiss. But we both knew it was bad, which made it even more desireable to me. I began to fantasize even more and more about him, the sad part is after the kiss I quickly ran to see my boyfriend and I kissed him in the lips, I guess I was trying to see if there was a difference, but i didn't want to realize if there was. I felt so bad about kissing the other guy because my boyfriend is good to me so faithful, but I guess I just wanted to be truly desired by another guy who didn't have another girl in his mind. Who just wanted me. I tried staying away from the guy cuz i didnt want to lose my boyfriend but I desired the other guy so much. I saw him again. and this time we didn't kiss but we held hands and cuddled and I honestly felt so safe we talked and talked and time just flew. It felt like it was one of the most beautiful moments ever. Because me and him had so much in common and we had so much fun with eachother. We laughed and just connected. He was my bestfriend. I hated feeling like this because my boyfriend didnt deserve me being all triflin because he was working all day and I lied to him and told him I was on campus at my college. Me and the guy I had fallen for, I stopped talking to him for a while, but then started again and we sexted, we have this sexual connection that is so animal like I cant explain it. Anyways we sexted but i quickly stopped cuz I knew it was wrong.  My boyfriend proposed to me not too long after and I said yes because I realized I truly loved him. I know that he is the one I sincerely love. But the other guy keeps trying to talk to me but I am trying to ignore his texts but it is so hard. I love my fiance and I know I fucked up. But if i tell him, wat I did he wud leave me in a heartbeat. I love him but I am scared. I dont want to lose him, but I dont want to have this guilt in me. I feel so guilty.