Wednesday, December 21, 2016 6:24 AM by Guest
First I'm gonna start off by saying I'm a teenage bi guy and I have been dating another guy online for almost 5 months now. We began dating back in August but we knew each other for about 3 months before we started dating. On one day in August of this year, I was dating my (then) boyfriend who was also online for about 7 months until I discovered he was cheating so I decided to breakup with him. I loved him and it was my longest online relationship I've had.
The reason why I'm dating guys online is because I do not have any decent bi/gay guy near me so I have no other choice but to do long distance for now. Anyways, we broke up and pretty much within minutes of breaking up with him I ask my current boyfriend out. He said yes! I was never so happy in my life. I always liked him and couldn't believe he was finally mine. He made me feel cared about from day one and never let me down.
But the breakup left me with a million emotions running through me so I made a grave mistake. I sexted with a bunch of other guys within weeks of us dating. He found out about one of them and almost dumped me because of it but decided to forgive me because he truly cares about me. But the other times I cheated are still unknown to him. He and I are super serious now and talk on the phone daily. I don't want to lose him. I feel like for the first time in a while I am falling in love.
I have contemplated telling him. I have decided however, to take it to my grave and not tell him because I know for a fact he wouldn't forgive me this time. As much as it would break his heart I know he would leave me. I don't want to break his heart again. I haven't cheated on him since October. I will not ever cheat on him again, not even flirt with anyone behind his back. The guilt still sticks though and this is something I will have to live for as long as we're together.
When I was cheating I did not think about what I was doing while in the moment. But once I finished, the guilt set in. He is the best boyfriend I've ever had. We both live in the United States and plan on meeting in the future. I want to marry him someday. He has promised me that he will be with me for life and told me that if he ever lost me, he'd never love anyone else. I feel terrible for doing all of that sexting.
If I ever did tell him, I would probably twist the story around and tell him I did it for a reason such as money rather than to fill a mental void of mine because I know if I said that then he would think he wasn't good enough which would be even worse. I feel like he has a right to know but I also feel like if he knows then he will be hurt which is not something I want to do because I love and care about him so much.
He is simply amazing and his family/friends all like me a lot. Even though he is completely online and we never met in person, his feeling are with me and mine are with him. He is so supportive about everything and always makes me feel good when I'm down. I do the same for him and always tell him how much I love him everyday. I never ignore him or neglect him. If anyone saw the texts he and I have or heard the phone calls, they would never think infidelity was involved because we are so close.
So this is my story. I feel like I need to put this out there and express my guilt to whoever reads it. Feel free to leave negative comments if you want. I deserve it for being so selfish and stupid. Thank you for taking the time to read this.