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I don't know what to do, help! Is it my fault?

My boyfriend cheated on me

Saturday, June 18, 2016 10:35 PM by Mea Rating: +14|-14

So, its kind of a long story, but im sure, its worth to read. Me (27) and my bf (27) have been together over 4 yrs now. We was both married when we met at my job. 7 months later we moved in together and both got divorced, we was always very happy together, understood each other, had alot of fun and a great sex life. I had to move back to europe (im from europe originally) and he stayed in the US, has a 6 yr old girl, with his ex, and since he owe child support, the state didnt allow him to get his passport and come with me, but i could not stay longer either because of my visa. This was in 2014. So i had to leave him, and i could not afford to come back right away. We had been together 2 years at that time. He hasnt worked since i knew him, i was the only one working. I only mention that cause i find it important, not to make him look bad. So i was home, and we talked thru fb, and viber. The 2nd day i was home i found a pic on his profile with his ex and all his friends. This was an old pic, but he had said that he deleted it, which wasnt true. So i got upset. But i got over it. He hacked my email account about a week after i left. Let me tell you he founnd nothing, even tho my email is connected to all my social media also!! He kept accusing me of cheating, even tho i havent done a single thing to hurt him, i cried many times on the phone, telling him, im not doing anything wrong. I wasnt happy at home, and knowing he didnt work, i havent seen much possibility to see him again any time soon. We kept talking, he still hasnt find any job. He lives with his mom, even till this day. So i was with my family and friends one day, when i met this guy of my childhood, we havent seen each other for years. We started talking but he knew i had a boyfriend. With my boyfriend i was honest about it. But that only made him even more crazy, to the point where he would scream at me for nothing. One day i had enough of no change and i cheated on him. It was nothing serious, more like i was drawn to that other person because of his care for me, it wasnt for the sex. After that happened i told my boyfriend couple days after, and i told him this is the first time, and now he has the reason to be upset, even tho i felt terrible, and it was totally not worth it. So he did the same, he cheated on me too. But he told me that girl makes him happier than i ever had. That made me stop talking to him, not the fact he did it, but his words. I wouldve never said anything like that to him. Anyway, after 2 months, we started talking again, and we both agreed we wanna see each other again. So in 2015 november, i came back, since he started working and payed for my ticket. I was soooo happy. I never imagined myself with anyone else. I have rented myself an apartment couple months later and asked him to come with me, at that time he stopped working again, I believe he was bothered by him not working, but he didnt put enough effort into looking. I was working at all times. So he ended up telling me he dont wanna come with me. He only came to visit me. I was upset because i left my life behind for him, and still he left me alone. So i met a guy at work. We was talking for a while, and it happened, after my boyfriend didnt even bother saying happy bithday to me. I told him, even before it happened on my birthday, and asked him if i can go over to his house, so we can spend the day together, he said no. So weeks after, i moved back with him, and since than its a disaster. I'm always the one working, paying for food, car, clothing, even his child support. I admit i did wrong. But he kinda made me. I was always honest tho. Since last summer 2015, he keeps lying to me, going out for days sometimes. Not long ago i found a pic of him with couple of girls on a bbq party, which i wasnt invited to because it was a "guys night".When i confronted him, he dont seem to care much at all. I feel like he using me for money. Our sex life is gone. He once admitted he cheated for several weeks, and i forgave. But now he is away alot and im literally NEVER invited. He has his fun, and leave me alone as a home girl, who takes care of him. I work alot, to make sure we have everything. Its been 4 years. He is ignorant, and i am not able to have a converstaion with him about it, because he makes me feel its my fault and im very unhappy with everything at this point. He sreams at me and talks very disrespectful to me, and also to his mom, which i dont like either. My father passed away few months ago, and ive never got to see him again. I feel like im wasting my time, but i still love him. Should i change something or just let go and move on? Help, cause i feel like im about to lose my mind. I'll be happy to hear you opinion! 

Thank you for voting.

Comments

Sunday, June 19, 2016 12:57 AM
You won't like my opinion

    First welcome  to America. This guy is not a man, He is a child. But that's besides the point. You and Your  boyfriend  both had spouses  and cheated on them. You get together  and everything  is perfect. Time goes by and you realize he is ignorant. Your relation was built  on fantasy  and because yall both had spouses and was unfaithful to them there really wasn't  any trust between the two of yall. Then the both of you decided to cheat on each other  which in turn destroyed  the little  trust you both had. He doesn't  work and lives off of you. You pay his child support   ( As I'm writing  I'm laughing hard 😂 ) and probably  takes girls out with  money  you give him. Don't lie you give him money.  He doesn't  invite you to his gatherings and  gives the girls the sex he doesn't  give you. Now you want our opinion. Here we go.

 

Karma is biting you in the ass. You had a husband  who had a job and treated you well. Now how do I know this. Simple. Look who you left him for. A bad boy. Women leave thier men for complete opposites. If only you would have just talked to your ex husband and fixed the marriage . Why did you leave your  husband. Money? Noooo. Was he ignoring you? Noooo. Sex? Noooo  you probably  just found the American  boy exciting. Let me know if im wrong. Leave the boy and find a way to be faithful  with someone not for them but for yourself.  You married a man then broke his heart and you expect to live happy. That's not how it works. Look who you ended up with. Keep your legs closed and when you find that man honor him like you want to be honored.

 
Sunday, June 19, 2016 3:45 AM
Mea

Thanks for your opinion. I was with my ex husband for 7 years, he didnt work for several years out of that 7. And wanted to control me in every way. He beat me up and forced me to be with him. So i had no choice, but to accept it. Ive meet many guys before. It wasnt about sex, its the way they make me feel. I have never cheated on my husband for that 7 years. Also, with my ex, there was no talking to him, because he was always right, and he would raise his voice if i disagree. I never treated either of them bad. Even now while i know what my boyfriend is doing, i rather not do the same he does. I cheated 2 times, over a year ago, and im trying my best to fix it. But it just doesnt seem to work. In a way i already accepted a fact that i have to leave him. 

 
Sunday, June 19, 2016 6:30 PM
Guest

in all honesty coming from a woman yes karma is a bitch but we all learn from our mistakes. this poor excuse of a man is using you like a ATM pendeja!! leave him and find you a better man but have more respect for yourself and make the men earn your loving to the fullest. some say it takes a year to train a dog same goes for certain men. 

 
Sunday, June 19, 2016 8:43 PM
You won't like my opinion

        Just a thought  no judgment. Could it be that you are bad at choosing a man? The first  one was overly aggressive  and this one is passive aggressive. What is it that you look for in a man.? They both side like shit.  Listen take this advice from a man who is not gaining  any thing from you. You always hear ( women especially ) to follow your heart but the problem  is that Your heart can decieve you. Use your logic and you will see you will make better choices. It's like the saying goes, love is blind. You are blinded right now and don't see that he is using you. You cheated  and the majority  of man automatically  looses respect for women who do. Unless the man like to be culkhold you have no future with  him. Move on and learn from your mistakes. Don't  cheat again even if your being cheated on. We man are dogs and will sleep with anything. Don't copy our actions. Keep your head held high and walk away. Women say is a double  standard  but what they don't  realize  is that women should be held in a higher standard  then man. Woman   (mostly feminist) who disagree  don't  view themselves  in a high standard.   OK let the feminist  attacks begin.lol 

 
Monday, June 20, 2016 1:01 AM
Mea

Im def bad at choosing man. Because my problem is i always give my all, and dont expect much in return. I wasnt this way before, i feel like he changed me into a different person, and i cant find peace in myself. I am def blinded. I have also tried taking money away, then he calls me selfish, lol. Which i never was. In europe, man is the one taking care of their family and kids. I grown up there, and never seen it otherwise. Women cooks, cleans and takes care of the kids. And thats the way i was thought until i got into these relationships. But i have plans now, and i will go after what makes me happy ( no man involved ) and achieve my goals, without having to deal with any of this. I always had respect for myself and always will. I cheated because i missed that wanted feeling. But i'll never do it again, cause i figured it's not going to solve the problem. 

 
Monday, June 20, 2016 2:44 AM
Guest

You got what you deserved. 

 
Monday, June 20, 2016 3:45 AM
Guest

Girl you really got to leave him now. if you would have never left with him you would have spend real time with your father not like this piece of shit!. there are plenty og guys not just him leave him plzz i beg you i have gone through this and it doesnt lead to something good. just cut the cord move on someone els will actually love you for who you are and will appreciate what you do and the sacrafise fuck this dude man!! and you paying child support isnt good thats not even your child or your responsability for his dumbass actions. 

 
Monday, June 20, 2016 11:24 AM
You won't like my opinion

   Mea. There is nothing  wrong with giving your all in a relationship  that what both parties are suppose  to do.  Now you made a comment  on how American  man ( Me being one even though I'm puerto Rican ) are different  in terms of financial responsibility.  First you have to thank feminist  for that one. Americans have "evolved" ( more like devolved ) in many ways. Are values have change in what's important. They fight for the freedom of speech  but at the same time stops others when they disagree  with thier speech. Morality has changed  and what was once  a bad thing is now considered  good. Americans  ( I also fell victim  to this way of thinking ) have become more materialistic and prideful. They are lovers of themselves  and love had gone  cold.  You see it in social  media every day. You still have the ignorance  of racism  and what's worst people are being  racist against  their  own. They are out for them selves  and you need to learn how to spot them if you are going to stay here in America. There good men here but you must choose logically  and not with feelings. Its true you can't  help who you choose to love but you  can  help  who you choose to fuck. Let him pay  for his own kid. Stop being his cash cow. 

 
Tuesday, June 21, 2016 2:21 AM
Guest

All I can say is that when you cheated with your current boyfriend, you did some other girl a huge favor by taking the loser off her hands.

 
Tuesday, June 21, 2016 7:27 PM
Guest

Hahahahaha. You did the other  girl a favor comment was priceless  because he was right. I'm crying  with laughter.

 
Saturday, September 17, 2016 2:28 PM
TheBestAdvice

Hopefully  by now you've left him. He's just using you. The fact that you let yourself get used is something you should work on. 

 

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