My boyfriend and I have been together for about 3 years now(long distance — we see each other about once a year) and all these years we've been together I've not even once thought of cheating on him. But a few weeks ago we had an argument. Horrible one. I was so depressed. We went on a break that eventually turned into a breakup. I started flirting with random guys online, and some of those chats even went quite ... intimate. Even when my boyfriend and I talked things out and got back together I still had this lingering itch to just go out and do something crazy. I love my boyfriend but I don't feel loved. I don't feel he puts in as much effort as I do to keep things going. All he cares is that things remain static. I don't feel exciting or beautiful anymore; I feel plain and boring. But all those guys I flirted with called me beautiful. It was so nice to be appreciated 

The worst part is that a week before my boyfriend and I broke up apparently he did drugs. Frankly I hate drugs. I don't care if others do it but I don't date drug-takers. And he lied to me about it. It still hurts my heart when I think about it. I want to forgive him and get over with everything but I can't. And I feel that that's what is making me want to cheat; the feeling of betrayal. I just don't know what to do.