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I just want to be with him, but I won't

Want to Cheat

Thursday, September 1, 2016 9:43 PM by Kicktothehead Rating: +5|-3

My boyfriend of 3 years is an alcoholic. He has always been verbally abusive when drunk, and will go as far as to practice his high school wrestling moves on me. It hurts, i beg him not to. He has urinated on things of mine, verbally devalued me.

 

He has always made comments about not liking my weight. He's never made them in productive ways... his last drunken outburst was him telling me how unattractive I was on our anniversary.

 

He apparently feels bad for it. Hes trying to change, he said. He's forcing himself to be involved in my life for once. He gives me compliments stiffly and awkwardly. At least he's trying i guess. He told me i am beautiful, but i gained weight fom my recent bout with depression since my mother's death.

 

My boyfriend is distant and cold. Our evenings are awkwardly silent, with him fiddling around on his phone and me playing a video game online with his best friend.

 

His best friend. I want this man so badly. My boyfriend is thin, relatively hairless. He has a mousy voice, and small frame. His best friend, though... i haven't been so physically attracted to someone in so long.

 

The best friend. Lets call him Ryan. Ryan will take me out to town with him, plan concert dates with me, talk to me about my grief and depression. Hes funny, with fiery emotions that glow in his brown eyes. Passionate. I even like seeing him frustrated and grumbling. His voice deep, skin tanned by working in the sun, a small tummy swirled in dark hair. Italian god.

 

Ryan calls me sexy jokingly. But he does it more often than my boyfriend... and with more feeling.

 

I keep having dreams of Ryan... of snuggling my face into his neck and crying. Of him grumbling the way he does when he's content with my touch.

 

Ryan, why couldnt it be you? 

I would never hurt my boyfriend by pursuing Ryan. But I'm not in love with him anymore. And my heart skips a beat when Ryan grins at me and makes a goofy joke with a twinkle in his eye...

Tags: Friend; Video;

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Comments

Friday, September 2, 2016 6:30 AM
COguest

Then leave for Ryan.  Who cares about your bf.  If he really treats you like you say he does, who cares if it hurts him.  A SERIOUS LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP SHOULD BE WITH SOMEONE WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND.  My wife has lost some of her gal pals because of this concept.  Hanging out and not wanting to share deep past secrets and something is said along the lines of, "it's fine you can tell me. I'm your best friend."  Answered by, "______ you're a good friend, but my husband is my best friend."  Live for you, not someone else or you will be forever unhappy/miserable.  The only person worth living for to make happy is the person who is living to make you happy.  Go for Ryan. 

 
Friday, September 2, 2016 1:26 PM
ALF

You should have walked out three years ago.  Now, start packing and get stepping.  Ryan is waiting.

 
Sunday, September 4, 2016 1:59 AM
Guest

You just need a good dicking. You're to uptight and over analyzing. You need to find an attractive stranger and have him shove his cock down your throat, between your tits, your hairy pussy, and destroy your asshole. You may not be able to walk afterwards but I can promise that you will have a different outlook on things and your specific problem in general.

 
Sunday, September 4, 2016 2:45 AM
Kickinthehead

Yeah, i have been a fool for staying so long. Our sex life is null. Ryan lives with us by the way. Lately, he and I have just been hanging out while my boyfriend stays in the bedroom.

 

What exactly am I overanalyzing? Not gonna lie, a woman has her needs and I'm starving. But I don't really know about just fucking a stranger. I did all that before, and i find it's not my taste.

 

Even now, Ive been going through extra effort for Ryan to find me sexy. I have been working out, and successfully losing my depression tummy. I find myself dressing up for him, brushing his hand as we pass the bowl and lighter between us. 

 

Hell, Ryan's father's calls me a beautiful goddess every single time he sees me. 

 

This is hard... I do really want to fuck Ryan, and i want to be with him. But i think the taboo of me being a friend's girlfriend is holding him up. How do i get him past that?

 
Sunday, September 4, 2016 3:03 AM
Guest

Talk to your boyfriend. To be honest he's probably looking for a way out of the relationship just like you are. This happens all the time. Basically when 2 people don't spend time together it's obvious they don't want to be together. I would not be surprised if he just there like you are. You guys sound like a young couple. And are living together which is really why you together. If yall weren't living together then you wouldn't be together 

 

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