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I ruined my marriage and broke my best friends heart!

I cheated on my husband

Tuesday, January 26, 2016 9:59 AM by Amanda Rating: +2|-11

ive been with my husband for 15 years and im 30 so ya half my life ive been with him. i dont regret one second of it....i know hes my best friend thays why i dont understand know matter how bad i thought things were why i cheated on him.  i feel like my husband never wanted me until i was ready to leave.....he used to talk down to me everyday and ive made that worse because of what i did now he really has some mean things to say. i didnt know he still loved me when i cheated he told me for years that he was just with me for the kids and eventually i started to believe it i guess. i didnt want a divorce and the pain of listening to his demeaning and hateful comments were getting overwhelming and i just lost it....and it doesnt matter what i do he will never see it that way. now i feel like if there was ever a chance for us to be happy well ive certainly ruined it now. its all confusing. sometimes i feel 100%  responsible for cheating and then sometimes i wish my husband could see that his mental and emotional abuse played a big role in all of this. i didnt just cheat on him i went absolutely insane for a few days. i cant live without my husband but i convinced my self he no longer wanted me and i left and did drugs and ended up in a hospital for 30 days. now were back together and i feel like the cycle is starting over.....i will listen to his hatred fueled tantrums for as many years possible then when i absolutely cant take anymore i will do something completely dumb and wreckless......then and only then does my husband show me he loves me and is their for me and appreciates me. its fucking stupid on both ends. i feel like a whiny ass pathetic idiot.....im just hurting myself and if this is the way things are going to be im not doing my husband any favors by allowing our relationship to be like this....talk about dysfunction.  it makes ne feeo weak and pathetic.  any chance we had a good marriage i probably ruined but i have faith in him....i know he can be the man i need him to.....maybe im kot the woman he needs. but im trying god knows i love him and i hate myself for cheating on him. i wish i could say all this to him but it just leads to a fight. 

Tags: Abuse; Divorce; Drugs; Friend; Kids;

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Comments

Wednesday, January 27, 2016 4:06 AM
amanda

i posted this and i guess im just confused about what direction to go......as soon as we got back together he wanted to have another baby so of course it wasnt hard to talk me into it....when things are going well between us he could convince me to do almost anything. ive never been alone or lived by myself that kind of life is so foreign to me....it scares me. my husbands house burnt when he was 16 so my dad let him stay with us and weve never been apart since then.   i feel like theres a way for my marriage to everything it should be.....i just cant figure out how to get to that place.  bur at the same time i hve no clue how to walk away and live happily.......this is a terrible feeling and im so tired of banging my head against the same wall over and over......sometimes i feel like a ruined woman.....maybe i just dont know how to live.  does anyone have any advice at all....i know ive made a bad situation worse by leaving and cheating but i did tell him i was going to in my defense i didnt hide it and didnt try to.....it was done in the most open and in your face way possible. i was trying to hurt him sobi didnt hide it.  what did i expect was gonna happen right....welll i never imagined in a million years that he actually still wanted me. he had me convinced i was nothing to him.  please spare me any hateful comments i know how stupid and pathetic this whole mess is......i want the best for both me and my family i suppose at this point i need help figuring out exactly what that is. please any help would be greatly appreciated.

 
Wednesday, January 27, 2016 4:39 AM
Guest

You have low self esteem due to all of the emotional and verbal abuse. It was'nt right to cheat but it is what it is. You and your husband are in different places and can't seem to find that emotinal connection to make it work.  You both need marriage counceling. Try having a civil conversation with him and figure what's best for both of you. You can either make it or break it but no matter what it will always take two to make it work. If you can't find common ground then it would be best to move on and find happiness. Life is too short to live in any emotional,abusive relationship. Love hurts and time will heal all wounds. Wish you the best of luck and always keep your head up high. 

 
Wednesday, January 27, 2016 5:33 AM
ANGEL

    First I agree with the guy above. Putting  the blame on him is not helping you. Is he a role that played in you cheating yes. But emotions are high and you have to let a man notice his failures on his own.  He hasn't forgiven you for cheating  and how do you get him to do that. That's the tricky part. When he yells don't yell back. When fights do the fight back. Let him calm down then talk. Fight for you marriage not with each other. Even if you dont feel like it try to be intimate with him as much as possible it brings couples together in a way that they have open conversation.  Doll your self up it will bring your self as teem up. Now he might accuse you of cheating for dressing this way but you assure  him with a kiss it's all for him.  You mad a mistake and guess  what so has every one don't beat yourself  up  about  it. And if he calls you a name walk away. Come back later and assure him you are not. You are the mother of his kids and disease to be treated like it. If you do all this and he doesn't   get it then he doesn't  deserve you. If you cheat on him again then your the problem. If you feel trap and think the only way out is to cheat stop your self and ask if it worth it. I'll be checking in for updates. You made a mistake but your a good person.

 
Wednesday, January 27, 2016 7:22 AM
Ryan

You honestly sound like a copy or version of my wife whom I too Love so VERY much.  If your husband feels like I do, then there is HOPE.  I am not sure if guys like us are insecure for internal reasons or external ones but, to me the LIES are the most damaging; for me TRUST, LOVE, HONOR, and RESPECT are the only things of value.  I would appreciate from my wifes mistakes, is the TRUTH, even if it is HARD, it would be better hearing from her than from anyother person later on. And that is kind of what has been happening, I have been hearing about her facebook interests, and old friends of hers spending more time than a married woman should.  We have 3 children by the way, which I have had to take full responsibility for since their births.  She has cheated on me before... several times...  but she also was a addict and was very easily manipulated by sugar daddies and ass holes, pretty much people that can afford to satisfy her... problem...  I was VERY ANGRY and probly still am in alot of ways...  Its NOT that I mean to be, but the EGOTISTICAL side of me, and almost every person, feels so WRONGED in those situations, probly because we FEEL so STRONGLY for our counter parts, our partners.  There is no way to predict the future or even the weather it will bring, but if you know in your HEART that there are things that NEED to be SAID and HEARD, then you two will find away to say them, and HEAR them.  LOVE is so precious, and fragile like TRUST.  It really sounds like this EVENT in your life is defining. And same with mine I suppose.  I hope he gives you that chance to say your PEACE, and he is able to CLEARLY state his, and that both of ya can see eachother for the TRUTH you both are sharing, even if it can be ugly.  I thnk what I am discoving about my marriage, is that in many ways, we were avoding being real because it can BE UGLY, and who wants to see the UGLY side of a beautiful thing?  But everyone NEEDS that TRUTH, especially your children...  Good Luck and may the Forces of God and Heaven be with you.  

 
Wednesday, January 27, 2016 10:02 AM
amanda

i ended up the hospital for so long because of a suicide attempt....when i realized how kuch damage i did to my life....well i didnt even want to attempt to crawl out of that whole and i really thought i wasnt any good to anyone. still not sure if thats not true. and i knew there was nothing good to come out of a life of drugs regret so i was gonna stop it before i lost complete control and spare my family having to watch me take that downward spiral to hell. i checked into a hotel and took 30 zanax and 50 trazadone and swallowed and a grambof meth. 16 hours later the police broke the door to the room because i had missed my hotel checkout time and my husband had the police looking for me. i woke up a few days later to a whole lot of chest pain soo many emotions and and so many questions coming from every direction........everything i was selfishly trying to avoid. i never thought any of theae things would happen.....i never cheated before and im so disappointed with myself.  how can i tell him how bad i hurt myself i hate me im ashamed of it......but it had to hurt him worse so how can i complain. ive lost my right to ever complain or anything.   i have no voice now. sometimes i imagine bobby my husband without me......hes with another women who can be everything i cant and hes so good to her and they are happy.  id be lying if i said i dont ever think about what wouldve happened.if i hadnt made it to the hospital.

 
Wednesday, January 27, 2016 10:29 AM
Guest

Sorry to hear you went down that path. The good thing is your still here. You cheated once "shit happens". Dont beat yourself down because of it. Things happen to all of us throughout our lives and we live and learn from it. Life is good you need to get past this and figure out what makes you happy. Your husband was a cancer to your health let him be with his new girl it will only be a matter of time before she experiances his abusive behavior. By cheating you found your way out of that abusive person in your life consider yourself lucky. You will find a good man that will love you for who you are.

 
Wednesday, January 27, 2016 10:43 AM
amanda

were still together what. i meant was i wonder if he could be happier if we weren't together.....it kills me to think that he could possibly be all that for someone else..  i wonder if im the problem ya know

 
Wednesday, January 27, 2016 10:44 AM
amanda

were still together what. i meant was i wonder if he could be happier if we weren't together.....it kills me to think that he could possibly be all that for someone else..  i wonder if im the problem ya know

 
Wednesday, January 27, 2016 3:16 PM
Fran

Hello Amanda. I write you from Spain. First of all I apologise for my mistakes writing in english. I lived the same terrific nightmare two years ago. I discovered my wife was cheating on me with a coworker. I found inappropiate text messages and nude pictures on her phone. I used to treat my wife as your husband treated you, often with disdain. We were far one from another due to the increasing hours I spent working, the stress of discossuion about our two children education and about the conflicts with the family (we depend on the two families to take care of our children when working). So she became depressed and I baceme distant from her. Even she thought I didn`t love her. This coworker courted her. He achieved her phone number, and started calling my wife. She was seduced and you can imagine the rest. After I discovered the affair she cut totally the contact with him. She was remorseful and openly told me everything I needed to know. We started the long trail to recover our marriage, with counselling. It has been a trail of tears, with one step forward and two behind. The importat thing I want to tell you is that if he loves you, you both have gone over the half of the trail. After long months of confussion now I clearly see that I will be better with her than without her. Because I love her and she loves me. And now we have an incredible level of communication. I hurt her, she hurt me, she forgave me in the past and I have to forgive her now. I can`t throw away eighteen years of love for a mistake. A big mistake, yeah. But the happy moments we both shared in the past and the happy moments we will share in the future are worth the effort. I often feel bad and doubt about my decission, but I can throw away these feelings and see the path clearly. Despite of all I love her. Despite of all, she loves me. She is sincerely remorseful and we are not going to allow our marriage became so worse that one of us think about leaving or cheat.  I hope it may help.  

 
Wednesday, January 27, 2016 4:47 PM
Lexi

Hi Amanda I'm 24 and I feel for you 100 percent. I am in the exact same boat however I didn't cheat. Sometimes I feel like doing it because he doesn't give a fuck about me he's more into his Instagram snapchat face book ect. I always catch him talking to disgusting bitches on his DMs , texts his phone is so secret you can't even touch it. All I can say to you for me is be strong . I can't and won't leave him and I know u might not either but shit try. His abuse and neglect is 100 percent the reason why u snapped and did what u did. I understand you .. Men like that are enexplainable and there's no explanation for it. So times I believe maybe he likes abusing me and seeing me cry and beg for him to change and stop saying what he says to me and stop fuckin playing w my emotions because soon I feel myself I am going to go off the deep end. People don't realize the effect a man has on a woman and women don't get it unless there in it. I wish u the best and be strong I know what ur going thru 

 
Thursday, January 28, 2016 9:04 PM
Lucasred

Amanda: Print your posts here and give them to your husband. Give him time to process what you've written here. Let him ponder for 2-3 days before you try to talk to him. If he wants to talk before then - great. Otherwise, your only hope to turn this around is through marriage counceling - if he'll go.

Good Luck.

 

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