Wednesday, September 14, 2016 12:56 PM by Guest
My husband just found out that I've been engaged in a 15 month long affair with another guy. He was completely blindsided by this and trusted me more than life itself. I am feel absolutely horrible that I hurt my best friend/husband. We have been together for 11 years, no kids in the equation yet. Since discovering the affair he has moved out of our apartment and is staying down the road with a friend. The last few times we were in contact was simply for him to come and grab some of his stuff from the house...we have civil conversations ("how was your day" "how'd your meeting go", etc...)--because he is being nice I feel comfortable enough to start with the "I'm so sorry...I can't take away what I did but I can vow to do everything in my power to slowly build your trust back". He says he loves me but can never look at me the same again and can never trust me again and our marriage is over, we are getting divorced. He has told his family and mine already about what has happened and now all out friends know as well because he told them...I feel like because everyone knows, even If he DID want to try and save our marriage he will have to much pride to give me another chance. Maybe I'm wrong but my gut is telling me I'm right. I've never been in this situation before and I'm disgusted with myself for what I've done--I was bored and seeking attention and completely took my marriage for granted. I am so remorseful I can't even begin to explain.
I would give my right arm to save my marriage at this point. I am just sitting at home waiting on him-giving him his time and space as he requested (Initially I begged and pleaded but now realize i need to give him his space). I guess my question is, what is the best way to show my husband I'm sincere and remorseful and truly want to save our marriage? I have begun to attend church, I am about to start working again so I can contribute and not just be a burden, I've cut off all contact with the "other" guy, and I'm working on myself by seeing a therapist and reading tons of books. I now realize that if I had a better relationship with g-d before this happened I would have NEVER done what I did. I wish I would have been so proactive before but i can't rewind time, I can only move forward and try and be a better person. I betrayed my husband and for that I am enternally sorry for.
Is it best for me to give him what he asked for--his time and space by not calling, emailing, or texting or do I continue to reach out to him letting him know I'm here, I'm willing to do whatever it takes to save our marriage, and that I love him?? I don't want to push him away farther by reachin out to him when he asked me to give him space but at the same time our last conversation he was still dead set on divorce & no option for marriage counseling (bc counseling should have been BEFORE I strayed.) We have been living separately for about 4 weeks now-I'm not trying to rush him, I want to give him his space but I feel like space without communication and without really talking about what happened is going to hurt more than help.
I need advice on the best way to handle this situation I have put myself in. I love my husband to death, what I did was inexcusable and I know I may have lost him forever. I want to try and SAVE my marriage though and need to know how since he is living separately and asked me not to reach out to him.