this happened last night. 

I went to a concert with a few close friends of mine. We ended up getting super drunk. My boyfriend couldn't come because he was working. We're already having a bit of problems, but it's nothing I can't handle. Anyway, I was pretty mad last night because I remembered all the times he would go out drinking, and act super weird the next morning. Like he'll be way too lovey Dovey with me to a point where I know something is up. He has cheated on me in the past, and I think he actually did recently. Anyways. Last night after he texted me and told me he was going to bed, I asked him if we were alright, and all he said was "quit trying to cause problems, I'm going to bed." And he hung up. So, I was pretty drunk like I said before, and I ended up asking my friend (who also has a girlfriend) if he wanted to hang out. We Did. Basically we were both feeling the effects of alcohol and started admitting to eachother that we always found one another super good looking. I told him about my sexual dreams I had of him etc. 

Now, I also told him about my relationship problems that entire night. So at one point he ended up putting his arm around me and I grabbed his hand that was playing with my ear. He told me "just friends?" And I smiled and said "just friends!" Then he ended up leaning closer and said again "just friends?" And before I could say "just friends" he kissed me. We started making out and it quickly went from that to me being on top of him and him taking off my shirt. We did NOT have sex, but he DID go down on me. 

When I got home, I felt no guilt because I sort of thought of this as my payback. But now almost 24 hours has passed I'm feeling pretty awful. My boyfriend is out with his work buddies and a part of me hopes he does what I did last night, so that he can tell me and I can tell him. I never wanted to be a cheater. Before my current boyfriend I was in a 5 year relationship and never cheated on my ex. I was Faithful 100%, I never even LOOKED at other guys. I'm in love with my current bf, even more in love than I ever was with my ex. But here I am basically wanting to die.