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I'm addicted

I cheated on my husband

Thursday, March 10, 2016 7:42 AM by ls Rating: +40|-21

We've  been married for 10 yrs. I'm 35 he's 45.  When we met one of the things my husband loved about me was my high sex drive which was all good for the first couple years of our marriage. Sex with him started to slow down after after 3 years or so nothing drastic but not as frequent as it was early on. After awhile I started to look at porn now and then when I was feeling especially horny. Eventually that led me to chatting, sexting, sharing nude pix of myself to strangers. The thought of these men jerking off because of me was a thrill I'd been missing really since wed gotten married. I eventually ended up going on craigslist and meeting up with someone just for sex. Afterwards I felt sooooo guilty I swore off all that I was doing and that lasted for awhile. I kept replaying that meet up in my head when I masturbated and the guy would email me from time to time. After awhile I was back to sexting and looking on craigslist. I did it again and again. Now it's like sex consumes my mind all the time. The thrill/risk of meeting a stranger for sex is like a drug now. 

I know I'm a horrible person/wife and I know alot of you will say I should leave my husband if this is what I want to do but I do honestly love him very much and our kids and the life I have with him. If sex were good between us I'd like to think I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing. And yes I've talked MANY times to my husband about needing/wanting more sex with him and it's good for a few days or a week then it's back to the way it was.

Is it so wrong to have sex with other men if there's no true feelings beyond sexual? If I'm a good wife to my husband and good mother to my kids is it really so bad?

Tags: Craigslist; Kids;

Expert's Comment

Pamela Chambers
Pamela Chambers
Pamela is a lifeworld coach, trained in mind-body medicine, and a mother of 5 children.

There is no such thing as sex addiction.  It is just bad people.  It's a matter of what your values are to you.  Some people look at love as respect, honor, and looking up in awe at their man.  Others look at love after they get married as a way to become complacent, especially in their sex life.  All of those experiences you are having outside your marriage, you could be having with your husband.  Your mind is the best sex organ you have.  I would suggest you learn ways to have those experiences with your husband.  Unfortunately, integrity stands in the way of going all out sexually with our spouse.  What you need to do is ask yourself, "what do I say to myself that makes it okay for me to be doing this with these other men?"  When you answer that question, you can understand yourself a little better.  Your commitment to your marriage is to make yourself a big part of his emotional well being.  If you are bored, there are many other things you could do to make your life more interesting than having sex with all these other men.  These things would also be much less devastating to your emotional well being.  

The bottom line is this, if you devote yourself to something bigger than your emotional needs that will make you a bigger person. You have a family that deserves your honor and respect and you honoring those vows makes you a bigger person.  

With much love,

Pamela

www.pamelachambers.com

 

 

 

Thank you for voting.

Comments

Thursday, March 10, 2016 1:26 PM
Guest

You should stop doing this to your husband. You need to seek help. Stop watching porn, stop sexting, stop going on Craigslist.  Seek help from a therapist, go to a church and pray.  

 
Thursday, March 10, 2016 1:56 PM
justaperson

you are one disgusting human, its people like you dat makes just wanna wathc the world burn, pls kill yourself, this world doesnt need scum like you.

 
Thursday, March 10, 2016 1:59 PM
justaperson2

watch*

 
Thursday, March 10, 2016 2:34 PM
Guest

The only issue is that you're not giving him a chance to be OK or NOT OK with this. If he doesnt want to be married to a wife that cheats, he should have the truth so he can make his own decision. More people than you realize are suprisingly okay with it. The friends we collect offer us a different kind of relationship from our spouse. People may also have different needs (sexually, emotional, supportive, etc.) that our spouse cannot completely meet.

You're not horrible. You're human. You seem more selfish and afraid than anything. Before you acted on your feelings, you probably should have attempted to talk about wanting "extra-marital" sex. Everyone deserves good dick/pussy. It's tough to talk about, but trust it's better than when cheating explodes in your face. And if someone is mad about how you simply feel, it's on them to confront their underlying insecurities. Don't waste your time or anyone else's. Life is short.

 
Thursday, March 10, 2016 4:50 PM
Guest

Be sure you don't fuck your husband anymore because you will give him your STD. That's the least you could do if you love him as you say. As for you fucking strangers, you know what the correct answer is. No need for anyone to tell you. 

 
Thursday, March 10, 2016 5:30 PM
Guest

Fucked 3 guys at work

 
Thursday, March 10, 2016 11:19 PM
Guest

Lets look at it the other way. How would you feel if it was your husband that was doing this? Maybe sad or angry? Cheating is generally bad though I can understand the reasons for it. You're not a terrible person, but you're not exactly a good wife. i don't know what type of guy your husband is, so I can't be entirely sympathetic to him. Is he a bad husband/person?it seems like you want to have sex a lot without caring about the consequences. What if you get an std or HIV and give it to your husband? How would your family and friends react if they found out? Is it really worth it?what about other options? Therapy? Swinging together? Buy a vibrator? If you do continue, at least be smart and cautious about it. Seriously, a Craigslist ad for sex is sketchy. 

 
Saturday, March 12, 2016 3:22 AM
Guest

No, you are not a good wife to your husband or a good mother to your kids. You have risked your families happiness and their health all for a few orgasms and ego thrills. You have proven your family is worth less to you than fucking strangers! You are a shitty wife and mother by the very definition of your actions. So, what should you do now? That depends on you. If you want to correct your life and prove at least to yourself that you are going to try to be a good wife and mother you have to come clean and show your family the respect they deserve by letting them know the truth about you. This may end in divorce, but they may be the best thing for everyone. You can also stop cheating and start changing the way you act, but you will still be keeping a secret and living a lie - again without the least little bit of respect for your family. Finally, you will most likely keep being a cheating slut because bad people do not change. So, why bother writing your story down? Are you seeking the approval of other cheating sluts?

 
Saturday, March 12, 2016 8:13 AM
John

Maybe he is out having his own affair hence the reduction in his sex drive.  Maybe you could try some spice in your marrage, try something other then under the covers sex with the lights out. Try some public sex, invite a girl friend home to join in. Maybe if you talk to him he can invite another guy in.

 
Thursday, March 17, 2016 11:03 PM
Truth Speaker

"If I'm a good wife to my husband and good mother to my kids is it really so bad?"

 

Given your bahavior, the fact that you think you're good at either one shows how much of a selfish, selfobsorbed, lying narcissist you really are!

One day when this all blows up in your face (and it will) you will deserve every single ramification that results!

 
Friday, March 18, 2016 3:54 AM
Guest

I say continue cheating, but don't get caught. If you love what you're doing, then why stop? I'm hoping to hear more from you.

-P

 
Saturday, March 19, 2016 8:40 PM
Guest

My wife was blowing ever guy at her work for a while there she has a problem with it.like you said it's kind of like an addiction I can see it in her that she likes being the nasty dirty slut takes it on the chin periods and it hurt like a mother fucker when I found out we broke up for about 2 years got back together but that's her thing. So do your thing Thrills are what makes the world go round and that you were thrilled the danger in it is an addiction in itself

 
Thursday, March 24, 2016 9:34 PM
Guest

The lack of communication people have makes me sick. You made an oath to your husband. You are nothing but a prostitute. You search to hand out gifts, all while noone is seeking you. I hope you get what is coming to you.

 
Thursday, March 24, 2016 10:49 PM
Guest
people are too quick to judge, she does not deserve all the insults she is getting, your lives are not clean as well, dont be throwing stones whilst you live in a glass house yourselves
 
Thursday, March 31, 2016 12:24 AM
Guest

You and your husband are young.  As much as it is a wife's responsibility to satisfy her husband's sexual needs, it is a husband's responsibility to satisfy hers.  At my age, if you were my wife and I could not meet your sexual needs, I would give you my consent to seek sex outside of marriage.  I understand your need for sexual pleasure is not related to the love you have for your family because you seek sexual pleasure from multiple partners rather than a single man outside marriage.  I do not believe a woman would leave her children and husband unless she fell in love with another man.  And that is always a risk no matter how devoted a wife is to her family, maybe only slightly more so in your case.

 
Thursday, March 31, 2016 5:39 AM
Lana

A good wife and a good mother.... hahahahahahahahahahaha It's a shame you aren't a person of good character, of good integrity. A person of good morales and good values. Thank god your'e not married to my brother. I feel so devastated for the children

 
Thursday, March 31, 2016 7:48 AM
Guest

We judge easily. You are very honest and brave to come about your private doing.  Thanks for sharing and please I pray that lord touches your heart and sin no more. Everyone here has his or her nasty secret. God bless you for sharing and that will help set you free. 

 
Saturday, April 2, 2016 9:42 AM
Guest

Pamela Chambers' comment re sex addiction is quite incorrect. You clearly are sex addicted and in need of professional assitance to resolve the issue. Your current path will ultimately lead to the probable loss of your marriage and limited access to your children. In addition, once you are able, with help, to control your situation, you need to possibly enter into joint counselling with your husband to hopefully arrive at a more suitable solution to your needs that can be satisfactorily met within the confines of your marriage. In the interim however, you should refrain from your extra marital liaisons and seek professional assistance as a matter of priority. I would advise against telling your husband of your extra marital activities at this point.

 
Monday, April 11, 2016 12:15 PM
Guest

Wow, a lot of people judging you here.  I'm in a very similar situation,  except I'm a man. I go through that same cycle of overwhelming horniness that is both helped ands inflamed by porn and naughty craigslist chats...then you go to far and fuck some stranger's brains out.  You feel bad for awhile...swear off it...then you get horny again... just tell yourself that you just want the sexy texts,  pics, videos.  You keep masturbating and it only makes it worse,  genitals inflammed with desire until it happens again,  and again.  I know the self loathing you feel.  None of these assholes have any sympathy,  but i do.  You're not a bad person.  You're just a really kinky horny woman.  So you may not be comfortable with exclusivity or monogomy, but you still have someone you love and want to share your life with.  There's nothing unnatural about that.  Hell or species wouldn't exist without that drive that our society wants to repress. I hope you don't stay in the bad place of self loathing too long.  It's more unhealthy than the actions that inspire it. Wish we could talk,  ive never met anyone who thought the same way i do our had this same compulsion. 

Sam

 
Sunday, April 17, 2016 2:33 AM
I'm fair

Expert is no expert. There's a such thing as sex addiction.

 

anyways, hubby needs to step his game up.  Keep fucking whoever fulfills ur sex drive most. 

 
Wednesday, May 11, 2016 1:13 AM
Sean

as long as it is just for sex and you still love and respect your hubby, i feel its alright. you are just a human being who needs more sex to function, so get it wherever you find it. nothing's wrong with it. [email protected]

 
Tuesday, June 21, 2016 12:36 PM
HornDog
Is: For the sake of your relationship considder talking to him about your sexual feelings and how you want more and more. Maybe he will let you play around? At least give him the opportunity. Let him know that if he ignores this it will get out of hand. If you really want to alleviate your guilt tell him everything, but be aware that this will set off a bomb. [email protected]
 
Wednesday, July 6, 2016 7:21 AM
Elli Sander

Dude, this is actually very much common and natural for women. You're a hotwife, why don't you get your husband to jump into this life style with you. Because everything these people are telling you is Christianity on a stick. Women are built to be sexual, a lot more sexual then men, so I highly suggest you start researching about being a hot wife and start suggest to your husband that is what you want to do, and in turn, you'll end up getting sex out of him a lot more frequently too!

Don't let these people with their narrow views of society and what is 'right' determine your inner dialoge!

There's a really legit site called cuckoldmarriage.info
There is also an ebook that's not written too well, maybe
by a University student perhaps? Either way I've verified it
with other sources

https://www.amazon.com/Physical-Desires-Additional-Suitors-Cuckold-ebook/dp/B00JYEK9R2

Take care, and have fun!

-Elli Sanders

 

 
Wednesday, September 7, 2016 6:29 AM
Richard

Put yourself in his shoes. What if you find out he is sleeping with so many other women? That is the pain you are going out of your way to inflict to your husband. Marriage is not about yourself, it is about both of you. You are selfish if you want to hurt your husband because it feels good. 

 
Thursday, September 8, 2016 1:25 AM
Guest

Human sexuality is a complicted thing. Some people are quick to judge others whos actions they find as "sinfull" or perverse. The fact is all humans are sexual beings. Some people supress their sexuality with religion, or cloak it in morality.  Others just disconnect from their sexuality for no other reason than lack of interest.  However we are all born with and develop the capacity, to enjoy our sexuality.  Communication is the key.  If you are honest with your significant other and he accepts and approves of your desire to be physically involved with others thats not cheating that is being honest with yourself and the person you love.  The most important thing, with that being said, is to play safe, and keep the emotional love alive between the two of you.  Good luck and stay safe. Dave P

 

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