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Long time before cheated...now what do I do?

My boyfriend cheated on me

Sunday, June 26, 2016 9:45 PM by Lisa Rating: +8|-6

My bf and I have been together for 13 years and we have two kids together. I just found out he's been cheating on me for the last 3 years with the same girl. He says he has a problem and it's just sex, he's sorry and he will change. He's been calling all my family crying and says he lost everything (his family and home). I called the girl and she says the same thing that it was just sex and she didn't know he had a gf and family. I love this man with all my heart but I don't know if I could ever trust him again. He's been going to church and talking to a counselor to help him change his ways. Is this relationship worth trying to fix? I'm so confused!!!

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Comments

Sunday, June 26, 2016 11:42 PM
Bravo

Hi. Sorry you've found yourself in this situation. It's not your fault, and you don't deserve it.

the choice is yours at this point, and you don't have to make a yes/no decision about working it out. He's done you some damage, broke your trust in him, shatter d your view of what your relationship was, who he really is - that stuff doesn't just glue itself back together because he says he's sorry.

If you want to try, what I suggest is take the mindset that 1) it's up to him to prove to you, through his actions, that he is remoreseful, willing to change, taking concrete steps to change, and willing to go'out of his way to let you heal. That means counselling, that means transparency- let him give you access to his email and phone , let you know where he is at all times. It can also mean he needs ta leave you alone for a bit, if that's what you need. Whatever it takes to rebuild your trust in him , he has to do it.

Then, and only after he does whatever you need him to do for however long it takes, do you get to see if you feel you can continue. He says it's only sex, but he surely knew you'd never accept that.. So he needs to figure out why he was willing to risk hurting you over something he says is meaningless. 

At any point in this process you can say no, you can do it. Today, tomorrow, in a week, month, year.. He can do everything right from now on, but it's your heart that needs to heal and tell you if it's enough for you .

 

 
Monday, June 27, 2016 9:17 PM
Guest

   The truth is when most man cheats it really is just sex. There is no feelings. Unlike women we can separate love from sex. That's why it's easier  for  a guy  to cheat and live with out the guilt. Now it doesn't  excuse him at all. He is 100% wrong and he doesn't  deserve  a free pass. If you choose to forgive  him do it for you and only you. Your kid will be find as long as he is in the kids life... Don't  do it for your kid or anyone else who tries to pressure  you. If the pain is too much walk away because you will only regret  it if you stay. Pain can cause you to do things to hurt him back to the point you loose respect for yourself. Your morality  can be compromised. You may want to do the same to him for X reason.  I have seen it and it is not pretty. Once a girl got back at her man and ended up pregnant  with the other guys baby. Other guy wants  nothing  to do with her or the baby. Another got revenge  and got herpes. Other girl slept with her man's brother to get revenge  and caused the brothers to hurt each other. One bro. in jail and the other in the hospital. I can keep on but my point  is the girl ( in this case you ) will loose at the end. Take control of you decision and decide with your  logic and not your heart.

 

Back to your cheating  man. If you decide  to  forgive him ( And no it does not make you weak or dumb )  find out why. There is always a why. Don't let  him tell you I don't  know why because it is a lie. Was she more adventurous? Did she do things you wouldn't? Did he do it because  he knew ( In his case thought) he was going  to away with it. Did he have feelings for her? Grill him and find out before you take him back. You have to know so that the problem  can be resolved. He could  just be weak and took  the opportunity  because he is a horny selfish  asshole. Either way the ball is in your court and you choose for you. If you forgive and stay you both must be an open book. No secrets! Emails, phones, Facebook or what ever else you both have. The longer you wait the better your decision.

Good luck.

 
Tuesday, June 28, 2016 4:36 PM
Guest

It doesn't matter if it was just a sex or not. The thing is he cheated. And probably he will do it again.  

 
Friday, July 1, 2016 9:20 AM
MasterOfAllDelight
Was she cute? Maybe have a 3-some and see if that helps matters. Better to be involved and get yourself a big orgasm than to cry at home alone.
 
Thursday, September 15, 2016 7:35 PM
TheBestAdvice

The Fact that it went on for 3 years says he will do it again in the future. If it had been a short term thing you'd have a better chance. 

 

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