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My boyfriend cheated on me

Friday, May 13, 2016 10:56 PM by SJ Rating: +0|-1

Just abit of back story on my relationship with my partner.

We met four and a half years ago when I was 19 off an online dating site. 

He was the first guy to ever take me out to a nice dinner and make half an effort with me. We went on half a dozen dates, they were always fantastic but neither of us ever went for a kiss. 

I use to sit on 'appear offline' and like clock work he was always on the dating site after our dates. Which eventually made me start thinking he was either a) player or b) wasn't interested so I called it off

A year later, we started going out on dates again.. Very similar circumstance to the first time. Fantastic dates, no moves were made and he was always back on the dating site straight after. I had convinced myself he was 'too good to be true' and called it off again. 

The next twelve months we became very good friends and he had me believing he was always the guy that 'got friend zoned' and that's why he had so many female friends. 

The third time, with no dates our friendship turned into a relationship. 

I have massive trust issues, and for the first time in a relationship I never went through his phone or tried to dig up information about him. In my eyes our relationship was fantastic for the first six months. 

Then I stared noticing strange things and started catching him out on little lies. 

My curiousisty got the best of me; and I went through his phone. 

He had a girl on snapchat, with a red flame with at least 60+ days and they were each other BBFs. He told me she was his ex housemate, had a boyfriend and I had nothing to worry about. 

He was constantly messaging another girl (like good morning, good night texts) and annoying her to hang out with him. 

And I had also noticed that the very first photo he uploaded of us (only a few days prior) he had changed the privacy settings so certain girls couldn't see it and he had his relationship status on FB hidden. 

When I asked him, he went straight to the defence and insisted on deleting all those girls off Facebook and blocking them. 

He insisted nothing had happened, and deleted a certain girl off his Facebook. He insisted she use to like him and getannoying and jealous if she found out he had a girlfriend. 

I ended up messaging her and turns out that he drove to her place (an hour drive) in the middle of the night and two months ago and they had a one night stand. The very same night he was messaging me saying how much he missed me. 

For a few weeks he denied it was true, after me hounding him he finally admitted to it.

He begged for a second chance and said it was a once off and he didn't want me to find out because he would never forgive himself if he lost me. I made him chnage his profile picture on FB to a picture of us, and to unhide his relationship status and told him that he would loose his privacy to Facebook and snapchat if he wanted me to give him a second chance. 

a few weeks later he was taking about his ex housemate and I clued on that his ex housemate and the snapchat girl were two different people. 

I bluffed him saying that I had her number and I was going to contact her. Within a few minutes this girl had messaged me on FB saying he rang her balling his eyes out admitting that he had a girlfriend and begging her not to tell me that they had been having an affair for the past three months. 

She told me everything what happened, and how that he suddenly stopped talking to her when I started questioning about the one night stand girl. And she found out about me a few weeks prior (via FB - when I told him to chnage his profile pic) (they were never friends on FB, he would never tell her his last name) and he never answered her calls or messages. 

He did a lot of crying and on knees begging for another chance and they were the only two. I told him he needs to be punished and told him he would never have any privacy with me, I would never trust him again and he would have to give up his 'boys only' cruise place in six months time as I couldn't trust him to not sleep with someone else.

it has been six months since all this happened.. We now live together as well. 

i had always thought that we had such a 'lead up' to our relationship, and our own personal 'took three years to get a kiss' joke that made me expect so much more from this relationship. 

I feel like I have turned into someone I never wanted to be. I'm now the jealous girlfriend that won't allow him to speak to females,  I monitor his phone and his every move. I stopped him from going on a cruise with his best friends that made him end the friendships with them.

lately I've told him I've been thinking about leaving as the relationship is too damaged to fix, but he always begs me not to leave. 

Can someone truely learn from their mistakes? And is it ever worth forgiving a cheater? 

 

Tags: Dating; Friend;

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Comments

Monday, May 16, 2016 5:44 PM
Guest

Hi SJ, 

As you've mentioned from the start of your post, it seems you've always had trust issues; and  rehardless of whether these were caused by a previous experience or insecurity of yours, they have allowed you to be on edge wondering what your partner is up to from the very beginning on the dating site. 

I am really sorry to hear that he has abused your trust and quite frankly, been an utter prick. Nobody deserves that... 

I do think that the best thing to do is weigh up how much more suffering you're willing to endure. My advice is that when someone loves you it's unconditional and I'm afraid that he's already ruined that part. You may still love him, but what is the point in living your life and relationship with doubt, hurt and mistrust. You will always wonder (and trust me, it will drive you insane!) and he will eventually get 'fed up' of trying to prove it... Not that he deserves any more chances!! 

Decide what matters more and whether you can learn to forgive him and trust again. If so, you will have to relax a little more and stop monitoring his every move as that is not a healthy relationship and in turn, he needs to be open and honest and work towards making you comfortable every, single day... It is the LEAST you deserve. 

If you think this can happen and the love you have for him outweighs the current upset then go for it! If not, you need to find security and happiness within yourself and move on to bigger and better things! Don't worry about leaving him behind, he has made his bed. 

 

Hope this helps! Xx 

 

 

 

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