I married my husband when I was very young and over the past 20 years we have had 4 children. In the first few years everything was wonderful and I couldn't have been happier. Then the abuse started. First we would get into an argument and he would beat me. Finally I left him he swore he would stop so I took him back. He did stop the phsical abuse and only hit me twice again after that. After that the emotional abuse started. He would call me names harass me withhold affection. Then on Valentine's Day 13 years ago he left me. He told me he thinks I am cheating and doesn't love me anymore and left.  I was faithful just really trying to get a promotion at work so I work long hours and often felt drained when I got home. This devestated me. I lost weight cried constantly and thought I would die. He had a ball and slept with several women while I was left to raise our then 3 children. After a year I started dating someone and had a good relationship but it had no future as the man did not want to commit. This is when my husband lost his job and wanted me back. I still loved him so I moved to another country to be with him. The abuse was worse then ever. I had no job no family and no money. He threatened to take my children away so I stayed. I got a job and asked him to leave but he refused and I was so scared of him I didn't push. Plus my job didn't pay enough to support us all alone. Anyways fast track 10 years. I cry constantly and live in fear of setting him off. He criticizes me constantly and makes me feel like crap. I have a new job where I meet the OM. He is gentle and kind and talks to me. He praises my achievements and listens to my everyday conversation. The relationship became sexual for 9 months. My husband found out packed his bags and left within minutes. He had not shared a bed with me for 7 years before the affair

I am finally free and I am happier most times. But why do I still miss him. My older children acknowledge that he was a bad husband but he told them the intimate details of my affair so their feelings towards me have changed. My youngest is under 8 years so all she knows is daddy lived somewhere else and even she seems more relaxed. 

I know I should be happy he is gone but someday a I miss him and I can't get over how he just walked away from me so quickly. Is that normal? How can I just move on and forget him. Btw I think my affair was terrible and wrong and selfish no matter what. I should not have done what I did and I accept that. I just feel as though maybe all I've been for the past 20 years was a maid and cook. I forgave him when he left me. I forgave him all those years of abuse