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Ms.

I cheated on my boyfriend

Wednesday, May 4, 2016 5:15 AM by Ainhoa Rating: +10|-4

I have met my bf 7 months ago and I fell for him at the first sight. We connected so well however after our first date I had to be off to my own country a month later. So it turned out to be a long distance relationship. He is a possesive, jealous type of guy who I thought I would never get along with, but I felt so good with him and could not resist my feelings. So distance made him so insecure. I used to go against him and tell him that it is very unnecessary. When I was back to my country I felt so alone and I started meeting a guy who used to be insterested in me for like 9 years, I always said no to him. At first, we kept it very friendly. I have been going through a tough time in my life and he supported me (actually was trying to get physical with me, it was all part of a plan, i found out later). My boyfriend knew I was seeing him. After some time, he started to show lots of interest which I long for. I was not fully getting it from my bf because he lives far. Meanwhile, he started to say things like "I have been loving you all these time, you never gave me a chance, I would make you so happy" etc. I got really confused and I was not sure whether if I should have broken up with my bf and be with him or stopped talking to him for good. I kept him on hold for some time. Once we were in his car and we kissed. I felt so bad and I couldnt tell my bf, so I felt like I gotta drop it off. I started to act cold towards my bf and said rude things so that he would give up on the relationship. After some time, we started fighting and we rarely spoke. I liked the attention that other was giving to me, he was so caring and loving constantly consoling me about my problems and all. So once we got drunk and we slept. I actually felt so ashamed and I realized how much I love my bf. 2 days later I received a call from a woman who claims to be the guy's wife. I got shocked and found out that he was married with 2 kids. I was petrified. He called me and told me that he doesnt love his wife and marriage is about to come to an end. He could not tell me before because he was sure that I would reject him again. I didnt believe -still dont believe- him. I asked him if it was all for sleeping with me, he cried and said that its not, he truely loved me blah blah. I stopped talking to him changed my number and blocked him and everytime he sent an emails and apologize I forwarded the mails to his wife so that he completely stopped. However, when my bf came down to visit me, he found evidence on my phone and he completely went mad. He even slapped me for betraying him. Then he made me confess how many guys I have been with before him (I also lied about it because I knew he is old fashioned). He said horrible things to me after that. I have been called all the bad words that you can imagine. We both could not break up because of the way we feel. He made me change my number again, close all my social media accounts and I am not allowed to have guy friends or drink with other people. He is now soooo insecure, wherever I go he calls and makes sure there are no guys around me. He says he wants to leave everything behind and he slowly  starts to forget. But he says I gotta make an effort to gain his trust. Once he trusts me, we will go back to normal. My psychologist says it was traumatizing for him and i should be patient and bare with him. He told our mutual friend that he is preparing to propose me. Nevertheless, he kissed a girl just to get back on me and he judged me for my past so much and still mentions and rubs it on my face time to time. I love him but I dont know if we can be a normal couple again. I feel like my life is restricted now. I am so confused...   

Tags: Friend; Kids;

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Comments

Wednesday, May 4, 2016 9:40 AM
Guest

Unfortunately he now has to treat you like a child cuz you act like one. You have to prove to him your an adult and that you won't make bad decisions that will hurt the relationship. Cheating isn't a mistake it's a choice and you are choosing to hurt him

 
Wednesday, May 4, 2016 12:28 PM
Guest

I would leave honestly. Forget what the 1st person said. We are all adults and we have to live like one. Which means we are aloud to make our own choices. You bf is way to insecure which is only going to get worse as yall move forward. Insecurity is probably the most unattractive trait any man can have. Insecure goes beyond him not being able to trust you. It's more along the fact that he doesn't trust himself. He doesn't believe he deserves you therefore doesn't believe he can keep you. I have the attitude as a man that once I got you I got you. The only reason you would leave a man like me is because I stopped liking you 1st.

 
Wednesday, May 4, 2016 12:29 PM
Guest

Allowed*

 
Thursday, May 5, 2016 9:45 AM
Guest

I can totally understand your boyfriend. You should happy that he gives you a chance, you destroyed the trust of your relationship. Trust is the basis for every relationship and being insecure just shows that he has the fear to lose something which is important to him (ironically he was kinda right with his insecurity...). Work for the relationship, stay with him because he wants you, but be aware that your boyfriend usually deserves someone better than a cheating girl. It takes time to build up trust again

 
Thursday, May 5, 2016 9:46 AM
Guest

*be

 
Saturday, May 14, 2016 12:01 PM
Ainhoa

Hey, im the girl who shared the story. Thank you to everyone who shared their opinions. I think we are much better now but we did get help. I have discovered the reasons why I did need somebody elses attention and I dont think I will ever need or do such a thing again. From my experience, I can say couples really need to decide whether they want to stay in the relationship or not. There is no middle ground. I knew my relationship is worth saving so I've done anything in my power. Funny thing is, posting my story helped me to accept my mistake. Hope it serves everyone well, seeing the situation from multiple points of view is a good thing after all.

 
Thursday, August 25, 2016 4:52 AM
Guest

There is one thing about your story that I do not believe, unless you deliberately left something out. You said that he slapped you and you said the that he is very jealous and controlling. You also said that your psychologist said for you to remain in the relationship and be understanding of your boyfriend. I call BS on that one. There is no way any psychologist would encourage you to remain in an abusive relationship and put the blame for things on you, unless you are intentionally leaving out an important part of the story. 

 

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