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My best friend slept with my fiance

My boyfriend cheated on me

Saturday, September 17, 2016 6:59 AM by Cake Rating: +20|-2

I was in a long term relationship for six years. We got engaged the second year. We were together from 2007-2013. The love I felt earlier started fading soon after the engagement. We never did anything special together and it seemed that all he wanted was a couch, tv and a beer in his hand. Sex was useless. All efforts to get him moving were futile. Beside that, we did party together. With us was my best friend. The three of us went clubbing together and usually our night ended at our place where she'd stay the night or called a cab in the early morning hours. We were like sisters. We met in high school, years before I met my fiance. We always had a good time together. She knew about our relationship problems and listened when I needed advice and encouragement to end it. In return I helped her as well. She was the quiet, creative type and her sexual drive was very high. She sought out mens attention and acted on it 5/10. Usually it was playful flirting, kissing or touching, but nothing more. A couple of times she had sex with strangers she met at a bar and regretted it immediately. I encouraged her to be herself and do what feels right. In retrospect I do recollect that she always had an issue with me getting more attention than her based on looks only. Did I say she was married? She had been with the same man since high school and married him spring 2011. Their relationship had been a total drag for ages. Her husband worked like crazy and never spent enough quality time with her. She said that a baby would patch things up between them. I told her not to. Their child was born a year ago and I was asked to be his godmother. 

 

During the time I felt at my wits end with my relationship, she said that she'd support me whatever I decided, but felt really sorry that our fun party-of-three evenings would end. How convenient she'd say that now that I know the truth. My ex and I went our separate ways 2013 and that was the best decision I ever made. 

 

Last week I got a message from our mutual girlfriend that my best friend had been caught in action with her husband, the godfather. She added that as this happened she cannot stay silent anymore about my "best friend's" other activities. From at least 2010 till the end of our relationship she had been having sex with my fiance nearly everytime we came home from clubbing and I had gone to sleep earlier than those two did. Well, didn't. 

 

I had no idea. And I'm not a dumb person. I'm perceptive and quick with people, but this just totally came as a shock to me. This was insane.

 

Of course I doubted. My first impression was that the friend who told me obviously had some issues with my best friend. Maybe they had fought or something like that and she made up this crazy story to tell me. I called my ex first. That's because I felt like I didn't have any feelings for him anymore so the main point was to get the truth out about my best friend. He denied the whole thing and I believed him. He said that after our break up he's not been in any contact with my friend or her husband, because they remind him of us. He confessed his everlasting love to me. It was awkward. I called my best friend. At that point I still believed that this was a lie. I thought that ok, maybe she had slept with the godfather, but the rest was a lie. To my suprise she admitted. I had no words and the conversation ended right and there. Later on I discovered loads more details of this affair and my ex also admitted everything. She had even calculated that she needs to be at least a year without banging my ex before she can have a baby. Well, at least nine months to be exact. There was no going back. It was real. 

 

So there I was. My relationship with my ex-fiance was a scam, and especially my friendship with this woman. More like a stranger at this point. It's been said that you should never regret anything in your life, but I did. I lost six or more years of my life to people who systematically lied and cheated on me. I felt like a fool. I don't anymore, because I feel like this was not my fault and I have nothing to be ashamed of. I just wish I knew what went on in that mind of hers when she decided to act and continue her actions all the way to the point where she probably thought she'd never get caught and carried on her life as usual, calling me for a cup of coffee to chat about her marital problems and to pick on me for not seeing my godson more often.  She always had a way to make me feel bad about myself. 

 

The girlfriend who revealed all this bs to me said that my best friend had been telling her about the affair for years and that I was never to be told, because it would hurt her too much. A part of me is furious of the fact that others knew, but didn't tell me. On the other hand I understand their actions. It's hard to be the middle man. 

 

I'm grateful that I found out while I was in a beautiful relationship with my current boyfriend. I'd probably feel a lot worse, if I were by myself. The truth is that my ex-fiance's behaviour is all the same to me. The real monster is my friend. She played me good. Maybe some kind of jealousy issues or low self-esteem play a part here. Those are the clues that I should have seen. I hope she can heal herself and make things work with her husband and their baby, I really do. On the other hand I'm realistic. She's done this for so long that she just cannot quit cheating and betraying people around her. This is a story I thought could happen only in cheap trash novels, not in real life and especially not to me. That being said, bad things happen to good people. I am over her, but I fear - How can I let anyone close to me ever again? 

 

 

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Comments

Saturday, September 17, 2016 12:01 PM
Guest

   You are a perfect  example that what you do in life you will pay for it. You  are so dumb you haven't  learn what this lesson  was about. So let me in lighten  you. YOUR BEST FRIEND  CHEATED  ON  HER HUSBAND  AND YOU KEPT YOUR GIRL CODE. Am I right so far? SHE ALSO TOLD HER OTHER FRIEND ABOUT HER FUCKING YOUR MAN. Her friend  kept her girl code. Every single one of you knew people you "cared about" were being betrayed  and possibly  could have cought a disease  and gave it to someone. Instead of doing the right thing you decided to shut up and let your friend continue  this shameful  act and hurt other people regardless you knew them or not. If I killed a man and you are a witness and didn't  say anything  you are just as responsible  as the murderer. You deserve this. You are not a victim. Your best friends  husband  was and is. Your other friend payed for it also by not telling you. Hahahahahaha you said you are not dumb but you didn't  realize  the lesson you was supposed to learn. Instead you went on a rant how awful  your friend  is. You are just as responsible. You could of stopped  it or told her husband about it. Thats  what real friends  do. You and your friends  are all MONSTERS. FRIENDS DONT  LET FRIENDS FUCK DRUNK. IDIOT!

 
Saturday, September 17, 2016 12:34 PM
ALF

Interesting story but moot at this juncture.  You say you were talking to your friend about the problems in the relationship with your ex, and seeking advice and encouragement to end it (your words).  And you knew full well that the person you were seeking advice from was narcissistic as all get out.  You practically set the cheating in motion yourself.  You were wanting out of the relationship, you're out of the relationship, so what does all this matter now?  It's a total joke that you actually called your EX to ask him if he cheated on you while you were covering for your friend's indiscretions.

 
Saturday, September 17, 2016 2:55 PM
Guest

Well...when your best friend was doing your fiance, she was doing what you encouraged her to do.  She was being herself and doing what felt right.  

 
Saturday, September 17, 2016 4:59 PM
Guest

Also, the first guest make a good point that your friend's husband is the real victim in all of this.  I'll bet you all never invited him to go out clubbing with you, not even once.  He was working like crazy because his wife was too busy clubbing and partying with you and your ex.  And who do you supposed was home taking care of their child while you all were out clubbing and partying and fornicating till all hours?  And you have the audacity to paint yourself as the victim.  You're a piece of work Cake.

 
Saturday, September 17, 2016 10:20 PM
Guest

You are probably as much of a skank as your friend.

 
Saturday, September 17, 2016 11:47 PM
Cake

Wow. You're all painting a picture that doesn't exist. You talk about the "girl code". Are you really saying that if my best friend with whom I shared my most intimate thoughts reveals me that she's done a bad thing that I should break that friendship immediately and squeal everything to her husband?? IF SHE ASKS ME NOT TO. First of all I was never in any real relations with her husband. He's actually over 10 years older than my friend and he had said to her that he's seen the clubbing scene already before. I remember it was an issue to my friend. She always hated that he'd rather stay at home than spend the evening together in the company of us. Like he probably hated that she went out. She frequently told me about his feelings towards eg me that I was the reason to her drinking and that I'm a bad influence on her (as well as the girl who told me) Mostly it was her who wanted to go clubbing, I just loved to invite her over, to cook for us and to enjoy a nice evening together. He did come along with us sometimes, BECAUSE I WANTED HIM TO but as usual my friend told me later on that he had been bored or sleepy so he had went home. 

So now you're saying that I made her into an alcoholic, right? :-D

That I should have seen her home, pushed her out the door same time with her husband or refuse a night all together? Because I'm her BABYSITTER? 

She made her own decisions. Alcohol was never a problem although it obviously assisted her "man hunt". She obviously got tested after her indiscretions and, I remember, was extremely frustrated that she had to be three monts without sex with her husband because of it. I bet she didn't give a fuck when she was doing my ex, because obviously he was clean. 

About her indiscretions. I was a witness in flirting, but if I ever saw anything else I told her to think about it for a second. Should I have said "If you cheat I'll tell your husband" ????? 

I said I told her to be herself and to do what feels right. This was about their marriage and her happiness!!!! I could see that she was unhappy. If you don't show any signs of wanting to heal your marriage and run around doing bad stuff you're clearly looking for ways to sabotage it. Should I have deliberately aided their break up and ended our friendship all at the same time?? 

 

 
Sunday, September 18, 2016 4:54 PM
Guest

I'm the first person who commented. You clearly still don't  get it. I'm amazed  that you can't understand  or read between  the lines.  Stop the lies you are to grown. You should of never had a friend like this. Your friendship should've ended. What type of a person would be friends with someone  who would betray the person she claimed to love. Wait someone like you who thinks it's ok to cheat as long as you don't have a good marriage ( Fuck the vows they don't mean anything). If a person can betray thier spouse they can easily do it to thier friend. Learn young grass hopper you not as smart as you thought. No wait! You did say he was 10 years older. Nope sorry wait again! IT DOESN'T  FUCKING  MATTER. 

AND YEAH! She was checking  herself  out for herpes for sure. You knew all the details.like her sleeping  with your boyfriend  and your other girlfriends  boyfriend. Who knows who else your man was fucking. Who was her husband and you other girlfriends man fucking. YEAH  TOTALLY  CLEAN! 😂😂😂😂😂 LISTEN SWEETY.Find a grown morally  mature person and show them this whole story  with the comments and let them explain  it to you. You did the right thing by not telling  her husband  and ruining  your friendship. NOPE WAIT AGAIN  ITS FUCKING RUINED. 😠WHY BECAUSE  YOU DON'T  UNDERSTAND  MORALITY! YOUR LIKE A CHILD WHO HAS TO BE YELLED AT. WHAT GOOD DID IT DO YOU KEEPING AN AWFUL SECRET TO PROTECT YOUR FRIENDSHIP? YOU DONT KEEP PEOPLE LIKE THAT AROUND. 

 

FUUUUUUUUCCCKKKK!  YOUR IMMATURE. CAN SOMEONE ELSE PLEASE EXPLAIN  IT TO HER. I may be to much of an asshole  to explain it any other way. She clearly  don't get it. FFFUUUCCCCCK!

 
Sunday, September 18, 2016 5:17 PM
ALF

Cake:

Are you really that dense?  Your best friend tells you that she's screwing around on her husband, and you did nothing and were okay with that.  Your best friend tells another friend that she's screwing your ex, and you're pissed because that friend didn't tell you anything.  You enabled your friend's cheating and it boomeranged back on you.  

As for her indiscretions, you told your friend to "be herself and do what feels right".  A real friend would have reminded her that she had a husband and a child to think of, and that she should try spending more time with them rather then go partying every weekend.  Partying that kept her in contact with your ex.  The ex that YOU were telling her you didn't want to be with anymore.  In her mind that meant the dick was up for grabs.  And you going to bed and leaving them alone together facilitated that.

You said your relationship with your ex and your friend was a scam.  If you didn't want to be with your ex anymore you should have been honest with him and ended your relationship.  You spent enough time talking about it.  Instead you kept going out partying with him and your friend, like you wanted something to happen in the first place.  You were a big player in the scam yourself.

 
Tuesday, September 20, 2016 7:35 AM
Guest

She's not responsible for her friend's cheating, and clearly the 'friend' had form. The mistake she made was confiding in her friend about her relationship problems and the friend took full advantage. Note that the affair was from 2010 and she was engaged to him in the second year (2008). She says it was after the engagement things began to go weird. The friend contributed to the demise of the relationship. No wonder he didn't want sex and just wanted to ans a beer when he was banging her friend several times a week for 3 years! A man who is taken is a man who is taken, end of. And if it's your friends man, even moreso. Chin up Cake.

 

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