I was in a long term relationship for six years. We got engaged the second year. We were together from 2007-2013. The love I felt earlier started fading soon after the engagement. We never did anything special together and it seemed that all he wanted was a couch, tv and a beer in his hand. Sex was useless. All efforts to get him moving were futile. Beside that, we did party together. With us was my best friend. The three of us went clubbing together and usually our night ended at our place where she'd stay the night or called a cab in the early morning hours. We were like sisters. We met in high school, years before I met my fiance. We always had a good time together. She knew about our relationship problems and listened when I needed advice and encouragement to end it. In return I helped her as well. She was the quiet, creative type and her sexual drive was very high. She sought out mens attention and acted on it 5/10. Usually it was playful flirting, kissing or touching, but nothing more. A couple of times she had sex with strangers she met at a bar and regretted it immediately. I encouraged her to be herself and do what feels right. In retrospect I do recollect that she always had an issue with me getting more attention than her based on looks only. Did I say she was married? She had been with the same man since high school and married him spring 2011. Their relationship had been a total drag for ages. Her husband worked like crazy and never spent enough quality time with her. She said that a baby would patch things up between them. I told her not to. Their child was born a year ago and I was asked to be his godmother.
During the time I felt at my wits end with my relationship, she said that she'd support me whatever I decided, but felt really sorry that our fun party-of-three evenings would end. How convenient she'd say that now that I know the truth. My ex and I went our separate ways 2013 and that was the best decision I ever made.
Last week I got a message from our mutual girlfriend that my best friend had been caught in action with her husband, the godfather. She added that as this happened she cannot stay silent anymore about my "best friend's" other activities. From at least 2010 till the end of our relationship she had been having sex with my fiance nearly everytime we came home from clubbing and I had gone to sleep earlier than those two did. Well, didn't.
I had no idea. And I'm not a dumb person. I'm perceptive and quick with people, but this just totally came as a shock to me. This was insane.
Of course I doubted. My first impression was that the friend who told me obviously had some issues with my best friend. Maybe they had fought or something like that and she made up this crazy story to tell me. I called my ex first. That's because I felt like I didn't have any feelings for him anymore so the main point was to get the truth out about my best friend. He denied the whole thing and I believed him. He said that after our break up he's not been in any contact with my friend or her husband, because they remind him of us. He confessed his everlasting love to me. It was awkward. I called my best friend. At that point I still believed that this was a lie. I thought that ok, maybe she had slept with the godfather, but the rest was a lie. To my suprise she admitted. I had no words and the conversation ended right and there. Later on I discovered loads more details of this affair and my ex also admitted everything. She had even calculated that she needs to be at least a year without banging my ex before she can have a baby. Well, at least nine months to be exact. There was no going back. It was real.
So there I was. My relationship with my ex-fiance was a scam, and especially my friendship with this woman. More like a stranger at this point. It's been said that you should never regret anything in your life, but I did. I lost six or more years of my life to people who systematically lied and cheated on me. I felt like a fool. I don't anymore, because I feel like this was not my fault and I have nothing to be ashamed of. I just wish I knew what went on in that mind of hers when she decided to act and continue her actions all the way to the point where she probably thought she'd never get caught and carried on her life as usual, calling me for a cup of coffee to chat about her marital problems and to pick on me for not seeing my godson more often. She always had a way to make me feel bad about myself.
The girlfriend who revealed all this bs to me said that my best friend had been telling her about the affair for years and that I was never to be told, because it would hurt her too much. A part of me is furious of the fact that others knew, but didn't tell me. On the other hand I understand their actions. It's hard to be the middle man.
I'm grateful that I found out while I was in a beautiful relationship with my current boyfriend. I'd probably feel a lot worse, if I were by myself. The truth is that my ex-fiance's behaviour is all the same to me. The real monster is my friend. She played me good. Maybe some kind of jealousy issues or low self-esteem play a part here. Those are the clues that I should have seen. I hope she can heal herself and make things work with her husband and their baby, I really do. On the other hand I'm realistic. She's done this for so long that she just cannot quit cheating and betraying people around her. This is a story I thought could happen only in cheap trash novels, not in real life and especially not to me. That being said, bad things happen to good people. I am over her, but I fear - How can I let anyone close to me ever again?