First let me be clear about my marital status. My wife loves me very much though lately I believe that has waned a little in the past year. I confess that I stood on the stage, making my wedding vows, knowing full well that I was marrying the wrong person for the wrong reasons. I had gotten engaged to "do the right thing", as she was pregnant? It later turned out she miscarried?? and I felt like I could not back out now, and that I could make it work anyway, if I put my mind to it. I now believe I was wrong, but our finances are so tightly intertwined and frankly, bad, that I cannot afford to leave her. Besides, it would devastate her and I just can't bring myself to do that to her. That being said, I am cheating on her on a rather regular basis, and in a way that would truly devastate her and destroy my world completely, if it were to be exposed. And yet...I cannot stop. I cannot give up my new secret joy.
It happened about two years ago. I had to go to her home town to help her father move some things for her mother. Her mother had suddenly decided to leave him and moved out one night, and into one of her female friends homes. I agreed to help since none of her brothers would, and her sister was livid. On one of the trips to bring furniture up to her house I walked in on her mother banging the this woman with a strap-on rig. I stammered, and blushed, and made my hasty exit. Later she asked if I was going to tell anyone, and I said, no. I probably should've but I just didn't think her kids were quite ready for that one, considering how angry they already were with her. I told her to be more careful, and even though her rather young, and very hot, friend offered to give me a blow job, I left town.
Two months later, my wifes' father came up to see us and decided to stay with us for the first time. We had always gotten along so-so, but he seemed more relaxed and nice to me after the divorce. My wife had to go out of town for a conference the week he was there, and I took him to the gun range, and showed him around town. It was cool to finally get to know him a little better. The third day he was there, I walked in on him jerking off, buck naked, in front of the tv in the den. I couldn't believe it. I beat a quick exit, and went to my room. I couldn't get over the shock of it, but figured, what the hell, old dude needed some release like anyone else. At least he wasn't getting screwed by some dude. I took my shower, went out to the kitchen and made some dinner. He was nowhere to be found. I figured he was embarassed and probably went to have a beer or two. I texted him to give me a call if he needed a ride home, and went to bed early.
I do not know what time it was, but I woke up, trying to figure out what noise woke me up. After a few hazy moments, I realized my father-in-law was on top of me, naked, his hard on, hard against my own rather stiff one. He turned out to be a little stronger than I thought, and he pinned me to the mattress, kissed me almost violently, then started grinding against my crotch. I was frozen in shock I guess, and before it realized it, he had flipped me over, pinning one of my arms behind my back. I was alarmed, but oddly enough had a very hard hard on. I felt him messing around with my ass, then realized, too late, that he had lubed me and was trying to penetrate me. I fought to stop that for a minute, but he was too strong and my arm hurt really bad. Before I knew it, he was inside me and banging me like a two dollar whore. His "unit" was quite large and it hurt a little from time to time, but if I am honest, it felt strangely, surprisingly, good. In the middle of what I am sure everyone will call rape, I found myself remembering a deeply buried memory...and liking what my father-in-law was doing. When I was in middle school, I had a sleep over at a friends house. While we were laying there, in the dark, talking about stuff, he suddenly slid his hand over my chest, and down into my shorts, grabbing my little "unit". I was stunned, but didn't move, and got a hard on almost immediately. He leaned into me and kissed me as he really gave my little "unit" the business. He finished me off, then climbed on top of me and humped my crotch, with his own hard on. After he had finished, he kissed me several times, then told me how much he had wanted to do that since we skinny dipped the previous summer. I liked how he made me feel, and we jerked each other off several times. Sadly, the next day, he pretended it never happened, and even got a litttle gruff with, me then decided he would rather I went home early. I was devastated, confused, ashamed, and not sure what to do. So I buried the memory as deep as possible and spent the next 40+ years ignoring the urges to check out all the other "units" in the showers in the military, sports teams, or camp. Now, as my wife's father pounded my ass harder and harder, it all came rushing back, and I didn't really know what to think. Finally, I just gave in and let it happen, even raising my ass a little to make it easier for him. At some point he let go of my arm and jerked my ass up, pulling me tight to him, my ass in the air. I let him. I guess at this point, it became consensual?, and he of course showed his appreciation by doing the natural thing. Once he had finished he dropped me, got off the bed and left the room. I layed there, frankly a little disappointed. I felt his presence leaving me, and tried to wrap my head around how I felt about this bombshell.
I finally got up, a little ashamed, remembering how things went all those years ago, and got in the shower. I was soaping up, when I felt him join me in the shower. He turned me around, and I could tell he had been crying. He is a ruggedly handsome man, with a pretty decent body, and I felt my shame disappearing, and arousal again. He kissed me, gently, then tearfully apologized, several times. I just could not be angry with him, and for some reason, that I cannot explain, I knelt and gave him my first ever blow job. He rubbed my head, and said my name, over and over. That night, we made love. I mean real, passionate, full on, manly, love. The way he felt on top of me, behind me, inside me, sent me over the edge, and to this day, I cannot think of it without smiling. He even had me make love to him, and when I looked down at him for the first time, while I was inside him, I almost fainted from the thrill, and pure pleasure of it. That night was beyond amazing.
The next three days and nights are a blur of sex, love making, f#*&ing, and total ecstacy. I fell in love wiht this tired, lonely, lovely, manly, old man. I love him lilke I have never ever loved anyone else. I cannot get enough of him. When he is here my world is complete, and when he is not, I ache massively. I cannot believe this. I spent my whole life denying it and denouncing others who practiced gay love. I want so much to yell to the world how much we are in love, but it would absolutely ruin me in every way. I live in a very tight world where our love is striclty forbidden, and I would lose every client overnight, along with destroying my family, and my wife. I know that our first time was rape, and there are going to be those who are angered by it, but I have come to cherish it. I want to leave my wife, my world, my work, but the consequences would be so huge I am petrified. The only sour note, is that he says he will never be able to let the world know. He has told me if I come out, it will be alone. He says he has had too much drama with the kids already, and can't deal with anymore. I understand that, but wish he could at least want it the way I do. I know he loves me, but will probably never be able to say it without the fear always present. If I come out the way I long to, I would lose him forever, I know that, but I still ache terribly to yell to the world...for now, I will love him, and give myself to him, completely.