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Not just friends

I cheated on my husband

Friday, August 26, 2016 7:28 AM by Cathy Rating: +5|-18

I have been married 19 years. We both confided in eachother about past secrets. When we were separated he was naked in bed with a woman, he originally lied to me about the full story, anyway he did not have sex with her, he said he was drunk and couldn't because he loved me. I believed him and forgave him. So I told my husband about a one night stand I had in college. I lied to him about it when he asked me then. now he knows how he got crabs 25 years ago. Also told him about how I confided in my male boss about my marriage problems. I also flirted with him throughout the years. If we went out in a group from work I would make sure I looked hot. When i was in my twenties i wore thigh high stocking and showed the side of my thigh and he touched the lace, also worked out with him and wore tight shorts, I teased him one day I told him I had a bathing suit I thought was to revealing he said bring it in and I'll tell you, so I  brought the bathing suit in to work and changed to show him it. I was so embarrassed and ashamed I walked out quickly and ran back into the bathroom. what the neck was I thinking? I always considered him friend and mentor. he always held the door for me and touched the small of back. during holidays he would give me a hug and kiss. I told my husband all this stuff not all together. I was afraid I would have to quit my job. Well I did quit my job of 25 years to help build our marriage, but now he don't believe me that we did not have sex. I am telling the truth but because of my lies, and showing parts of my body he does not believe me. I hurt him so bad he keeps telling me to tell him the truth and he won't leave. I am but he insists i am lying. he says there is no way you did not have sex how could you do this. You ruined my life.  He thinks i am narsasistic. I feel so alone we have a 13 year old,  we both dont have jobs, we are selling our home. the plan was to move out of state and start over, but now he wants to leave. We both cry a lot I am so remorseful for what I am putting him through. We went to counceling it helps for that moment but after a few hours of him thinking he is back thinking the awful thoughts. Is my marriage over what can I do?

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Comments

Saturday, August 27, 2016 4:17 PM
ALF

Your marriage is a proverbial trainwreck.  You both have done wrong, but you mention only a single incident involving him.  Your story goes on for years.  Bad enough you flirted excessively with your boss for years, to the point of modeling a skimpy bathing suit in the workplace for him.  But to tell your husband 25 years later that you were the one who gave him crabs?  After having sex with someone else?  Personally, I'd be wondering what other heebie jeebies you've been in contact with.  And I'd also be wondering what you had been up to during the separation.  There is no trust on either side, and I don't see any hope of building any at this juncture.  You've gone behind your husband's back the entire time you've been married.  I don't see where a marriage even started.

 
Sunday, August 28, 2016 5:30 AM
MrAnonymus

Wow I am no professional but do you want to stay together. Do both of you? Have you openly spoke to say what would be needed to savage your marriage? Communication is the most important part. 

It sounds like he feels utterly betrayed and well it takes a lot out of a person it's possible to get beyond it but with a lot of time and effort on both sides. If you can get him talking when he feels those negative thoughts maybe you can work through them with him

 
Tuesday, August 30, 2016 12:46 AM
Knight

for me it would be incredible hard to believe you could flirt for 25 years and not have sex.especially when you were both attracted to each other.He has every right to leave you and probable should.The STD is unexcusable.He must really love you because he is trying and hasn't left yet,but is on the verge of leaving.You hurt him and screwed up his life.The least you can do is tell him the whole truth about everything.It's probable the only chance he will stay.Trust is the most important to him now.BTW you do sound narsasistic. good luck

 
Tuesday, August 30, 2016 8:51 PM
amy
it sounds like your husband only had one indiscretion,but you betrayed him during your whole relationship.This should have come out before you were married.Or at least ended.Do you think it could happen again?How far did you go with your boss?Who was making the moves?If you and your husband repair your marriage you must be faithful or it will devastate him.Whate do you think about yourself?If you think that you may have a personality disorder,counseling is a must.
 
Wednesday, August 31, 2016 5:17 PM
Cowboy

Let me get this straight.You had a o.n.s. got a s.t.d. and didn't have any conscience to tell your i would guess young boyfriend!I can imagine what he went through!You are a heartless bitch!Then he proposes.you say yes and then cheat on him for 25 years!How do you even live with yourself?How would you like it if he did that to you.?You are selfish,rotten,loser who has serious mental problems!And your gonna drag your child through this and damage him/her for ever?I'd kiss your no good cheating ass out the door!!Your no even worth the time it took me to type this!

 
Thursday, September 1, 2016 6:32 PM
Guest

You are the lowest form of life on this earth!You not only took happiness and affection away from your husband,you went ahead and married him so he could not get it elsewere!You knew the whole time and didn't even stop?had a child and didn't stop???Dito for his wife!Do you have any morales ?Do You only think of yourself!!Not even your child made you stop!What gives you the right to ruin someones joy of marriage,confidence,self esteem,trust,ect,ect,ect.not you you are worthless!!You not only hurt people around you,you hurt yourself!!Wake up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 
Friday, September 2, 2016 8:43 PM
Lucasred

Offer to take a polygraph. If you are actually telling the whole truth to him now.

 
Monday, September 5, 2016 9:22 PM
Guest

I don't think your marriage is over,but you need a fresh start.Tell him how you feel.The only way to regain trust is honesty.He will not open up to you becuse he is afraid you will hurt him again.you have been together a long time and have a child.If you don't change he won't either.You owe him alot,if your serious put your trust in him and you can have a new beginning.If your not you already wasted enough of his life,tell him so you can keep getting used by married men!

 
Sunday, September 11, 2016 10:16 AM
cathy

I did not mention in my post that we originally seperated for 5 years because of a drug problem my husband had, he went to counceling but I still felt like he was lying about using, we both made mistakes, and yes I took a lie detector test and past, the O.N.S in college was with one of my class mates. either way it was a regret. I was embarrassed, I had never done that before. I  can't change the past. as stated I did leave my job in hopes to work this out, but it seems to be beyond repair. unfortunately it took all of this to realize how great a marriage could be if you work at it and start off with know secrets and if you have something you've done you need to be fully transparent do not say things in drips because the person you are telling will always think there is more.

 
Tuesday, September 27, 2016 7:50 PM
Guest

i would have been on drugs too!

 
Tuesday, November 22, 2016 3:01 AM
c:
i'm sorry but i read the story of both sidesand i hope that he dumps your ass. your arguments are low and you dont even love him xD believe me you dont, you fear. you dont want to be alone probs. you are as low as a person can be and i met people who abused their partners etc etc but anyway I reaaallly hope you get divorced soon. I know you feel bad now but its too late. I feel bad for him (and his daughter) for spending his life loving a slut without knowing. Even if you didnt have Sex with your Boss, it doesnt matter because emotional Betrayal is worse than sexually. You never loved him, betrayed your whole family including your dear daughter..oh wait if you had guts to do that you probably never really felt anything for her either. you are sadly the worst thing that could ever have happened to him but he was naive and didnt see it. not only did you cheat on him but you betrayed him the whole time. So what if you were separated for 5 years? or whatever ..its true that he made one mistke but the bigfest one he did was believe in you.
 

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