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Not very sure

My girlfriend cheated on me

Tuesday, March 22, 2016 5:47 PM by awdXCRFjo Rating: +2|-5

I don't know in which category this entry has to be boxed in, because I hope it fits none. I think my gf cheats on me.
Right here I want to excuse my bad english, but I will try my best, I am already a bit drunk and very tired, but I just want to write some feelings off right now.

And thank you for reading. I am really happy that I am able to share my thoughts and feelings on this.

I (22) am in a long-distance relationship with a very beautiful girl (26). When we first met, it was a real miracle and she always tells everybody about it.
We both met ourselves on a vacation when we both were at points in our life, where we needed each others, in summer 4 years ago.
We were actually both born in the same town and grew up in the same small village somewhere in the mountains of the carpathians, but of course we did not know of each other back then and I moved over 2000 km away from that place to another country. When we met, I just was about to finish school but also worked as a (semi-)professional musician for some gigs and musicals and she already had  her Bachelor and was working on her master's thesis (now she's an engeenier), but I did not know that she is older than me and we felt quit opposite. We were talking a lot together about art, nature and philosophy and had a wonderfull time in a beatiful scenery. On this vacation, that lasted only for 10 days, she fell in love with me, we would spent hours at night talking about everything while looking at the stars or swimming in the ocean during the daytime and I was also her personal jukebox etc.
We both were deeply in love with each other, but we knew that when this vacation will be other, there would be at least 2 000 km between us. We said that it would be wise to just enjoy that feeling of being in love and we had sworn to each other not to forget each other and that everytime we would think of each other we would smile into somebodies eyes.
the vacation was over and during that autumn I came to visit her two times in our homecountry. We went away from the village and ran onto a hill, where nobody could see us, we were kissing on the grass and in the forest for ours and feel so overly happy (I even stopped my drinking. back than I was a heavy drinker and also did other drugs but not to that extend).
But there also was something she did not want to talk about with me: her age. She told me, that we could not be together, because she is so old and that I should find myself a younger and more beautiful girl.(
she is the most beautiful woman I know, but she never felt like being beautiful and I was so glad that I could show her how beautiful she is, paint pictures of her, photograph her and complement her. It was so beautiful for me that I was able to give her more self esteem - but I will come back to this later.) She explained me that there would be a lot of social pressure from her family, when we would be together, because we have such a difference in age and live so far away from each other. But I did not understand. I simply ignored all of this, even if she kept telling me. I just asked if she loved me and said that this is all that mattered to me. But we did not make any decission. I went back home and we both did not know if we would ever see us again.
And the second time I came to visit her when her semester had already began and was at university. We were still in love and to shorten the story up (but it was still a little bit complicated) I asked her, if she wanted to be my gf and since then we are in a serious relationship.
The beginning was wonderfull but it started getting more and more complicated but we were still very happy. But there were some things with wich I hurted her very much, without knowing it: I told her that I was still not over a girl that I have been dating before her. I didn't tell her because I wanted to tell her, that I don't love her or so, I wanted to honestly talk about my feelings, but she took it up wrong but also did not tell me for a long time. she was really hurt and because it was a serious issue for me and I felt how this relationship was healing my feelings of previous rejection, i continued to talk about it.
After I have finished my school I have been working for a year and than I moved to a bigger city and started to study at university. We always have been a long distance relationship, but I was too positive about it. I said, if we stay through this, nothing can tear us apart any more. but she was always complaining about missing me and because I also missed her I did think that I understood her, but now I think I did not.
By the time I told her that I wasn't still comolptly over my last relationship, she started to meet  a guy, who was in love with her and my gf and him were also dating when we were not yet in a relationship. I found this out, while she gave me her fb account, since I don't have any but had to use one. my gf always read my mails (and once she got very mad when she saw, that my exgf and I were texting together - but this had a very good (but also sad) reason and was nothing bad) so I thought I would be allowed to read some of her messages: those messages that she sent to her own fb account. I just did it to get her better to know. But I found that she had copied some messages from this other guy. so i was shocked and read her chat with him. They were meeting all of the time. she also told me, that she is going out with him and asked me if I am ok with it, and since I trusted her I head not even the idea in mind to sa "no". But they both wrote about me, she called me by my last name - which in our language is a very offensive thing to do if you're talking about your bf. They went to have dinner and went to romantic places. But most of their messages were like
"GF: I am in our city this weekend
he: fine, I will pick you up at 7.00 pm "
and showed a certain kind of routine. They were also went to the movies together or were drinking wine, which I don't do with my gf. (the wine for obvious reasons, but I never can go out with my gf. she always wants to stay in bed with me, which I find is boring if we don't see each other so often.) Me being young than my GF was also one of their topics.

they stopped texting together like this since he has a gf. I think it is strange, but still not obvious that she cheated on me.
But now she has a new job, and her career got much better. But since than we don't have any long phone calls any longer, she always just calls me for 10 min and says that she has to go to bed now at 9.30 pm or so. she doesn't want to talk about her work or especially her boss or collegues. she did not even once call me during her break time, which is a thing I always did. she doesn't reply to the most of my text messages and often don't answears her phone. I don't know how she works but according to her it is from 6 am to 5 pm - which is impossible! 
after her first day i could not call her, (I am sure that she had to work only max. 3-5 hours that day) and on her 2nd day she answeared the phone at 7.47pm and from her phone I could her that she was in a mall buying new lingerie. she told me that she was in a hurry, because she wants to see her best friend (I know her well, I should have asked her if it's true what my gf said). In our country shops close at 8 pm. So this was very strange. the next days I could also not talk to her and since then very much. She thinks that I am a intelligent person, and if she is in need for advice she always asks me - this and my musical talent were the main things she adored me. But now she doesn't talk to me like to a person you adore. she started to talk to me like to a teacher or lawyer like to someone distant, you respect but not adore.
Of course she thinks that it is because of her new job that she has no time for me.
I think that she cheats on me because I am younger and have to keep on studying for such a long time (i aim for a PhD.). In our contry it is usual that girls have their first babies in exactly her age, but I cannot give her any financial security. She always told me that but, I was stupid enough to ignore that.
I also think that she wants to highten up her self esteem through other men. She saw that I love her and find her also on a sexual basis very attrictive and now she wants to confirm that other men do so too, since she always felt ugly. (her parents and grandparents have a lot to do with this). She has a VERY shy nature and now her job maybe encouraged her to go for some self-esteem
she is also a very physical  person, she - like maybe most women - needs somebody to hug her, kiss her at the end of the day. And I am never there for her. I am now even more than 2000 km away from her and our relationship has always been a distance-relationship, even if for one year we lived only 350 km away from each other.
I can be sure that it is not the way I treat her, since I try my best in being a good bf. I was already making plans about buying her such a stupid ring. I can be sure it's not the sexual frustration in a sense, that I could not satisfy her when we are together. The last year I had not very much time because I want to have good grades at university and also I am currently working on bigger musical composition-cycle, but I almost always found at least some time to talk to her. But University goes first.

I still hope that I am just paranoid, but I made her same traps to see how she reacts and she reacted strange. Also I think that she already knows that I suspect her, because she seems to look out for some traps.
Also I don't know if she was fucking this other guy (and he is a very vulgar, uneducated person, that to me seems to be not only gross but also very stupid) or not, but she should have told me more about where they went and what they were doing. I just didn't ask anything about it, I saw it as demonstration of trust and honestly didn't suspect her to do anything.
After the day of her hiring interview she said, that I should have not come to her that autumn 4 years ago because I am younger and she wants already start a different life... So I guess she is fucking her boss who got her employed.
I don't know what to do about it, because I cannot change that I am younger and I will not give up university for her. I will not move to her city, because I have a reason for being on this university I am right now.
If it is true that she cheats on me, I will dump her, after I am to 100% sure she does. I will not confront her with it and ask her about the messages or her strange behaviour. I will just say that it is over, she will know why. And I am pretty damn sure that I will confront those two guys, after I will know enough what has happened and who they are. I guess if she cheats on me with a married man, his wife will note be glad to know about it.

Thank you for reading. It was interessting experience to see in retroperspective how my feelings changed from pain to anger during writing this text.
This website is a great thing. I hope it helps you too to deal with cheating.
I will keep you updated.

Tags: Dating; Drugs; Friend; Long Distance Relationships; Pictures;

Thank you for voting.


Wednesday, March 23, 2016 5:37 AM

Be honest with her and tell her how you're feeling and what you're thinking and explain why. There's no need to be secretive about it. If she doesn't want to be together anymore, and there's nothing you can do, move on. If she cheated, can you get past it? You can forgive her, but that doesn't mean you need to be with her. 

Anyway, it seems difficult to have a long distance relationship. What type of future do you want for yourself? Are you going to move to where she is after you get your phd? Think about the possible outcomes and consequences. 


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