Thursday, January 7, 2016 7:07 PM by Mademoiselle
Hello, Guest! (I'm referring to the first one to comment on my story)
I just wanted the adventures. I really want to do them with my boyfriend but it seems like he's not interested. This sounds funny but I sometimes think that he doesn't love me enough cos he's not willing to make time for my interests while I, on the other hand, always asks him about his day, his job, what he has been up to lately and I always show interest in everything he shares to me. He never even asks how my day was, how am I doing in my job, what have I been up to lately and he rarely shows interest in what I am doing and what my likes, hobbies and interests are. It's like, I should be the one to initiate a topic just so he can ask how my day was. And whenever we talk about my day, my interests and etc. he's always occuppied. I mean, he's sometimes on his phone, computer, doing something and just answer me, "Wow, that's great" or if ever I'm asking for his opinion, he'll just answer me "It's up to you."
I can tell that he loves me so much cos there are already countless times that I break-up with him whenever we argue and fight. I always do that. But no matter what the situation is, he'll always apologize and ask me to stay even if sometimes it's not his fault that caused our fight. He never ever let me go even for once. He loves me so much.. but I realized, LOVE alone isn't enough. You have to make time to cater each others needs. He does, but he's not mentally and spiritually present. He's always there when I need him but only his PHYSICAL PRESENCE. His mind and soul, it's not there.
Being loyal for almost 4 years, it's a great satisfaction and an achievement. I am proud of that. But I ended up thinking that there's more to life rather than always being with your partner every single day. I learned to get out of my comfort zone. I travelled with friends and enjoyed a lot. He never complained about me travelling with different people because he trusts me a lot just like how I trust myself not cheat. I HAVEN'T CHEATED ON HIM SO FAR. Just this little crush on his colleague that I am really into now.
I am really torn between taking a break from our relationship and involving into an open one since I want to enjoy life cos I'm just 21, or just stay with him since he's the only one I want to marry sooner. I am afraid to lose him, I'm a super complicated woman and he's the only one who understands my attitude, my flaw. He's the most patient person in the world to deal with my super complicated brain. Sometimes I come to think of the thought that, "Do I really love him? Or do I just love the feeling of being loved and understood that's why I stayed with him?"