My story, I'd like to think, is somewhat of a beautiful tragedy.
First off, I was in the wrong completly, and don't know if I trully deserve relief from this heartache and paint I feel.
I was in a relationship with my ex for about 3 years. We are both young and in college and started out by living with each other. As if we didn't see each other enough, we eventually started working together. This was fine for a while, but eventually our conversation would become tired and bored. A few weeks later, I realized our sex life had almost completly died.
At our job, my supervisor had started talking to me more, and through everyday conversation, a genuine friendship grew. We were able to talk and relate on many subjects, the main one being that we were both in relationships that lacked a certain level of attraction and affection. He would tell me stories of his problems with his girl, and I, in turn, would tell him stories about me and my boyfriend.
One night, we met up after work just to talk about our days and unwind, eventually the night led into sex which was amazing for him and I. Because both of us were in relationships that lacked sex, or any type of affection for that matter , our connection was electric, and almost instant.
This would be repeat for the next few months.
Months had passed and we began a routine. We would work out in the mornings, than hang out until we had to go to work. Since the begining of this started, I have lost 30 pounds. I point this out to say it was him who helped motivate me and help me get up and moving. It wasnt just all physical with him, I could tell he trully cared about me. We grew a connection that I have never had with any one else.
More problems arised when he woould start doing things that my boyfriend couldnt. He would come over and take me to workout with him, surprise me with little things I liked, and the biggest one, he was actually a great listener.
I was battling with a few different feelings.
On one hand, I felt I desrved someone who would care for me the way he did.
On another , I felt horrible for the woman he was with.
In the begining , he actually painted the picture that the woman he was with, did not actually want a relationship, but only to be able to co parent for their daughter.
Eventually i was able to see that that was not the entire truth. And in fact she was putting in an effort with their relationship.
By this time though, my feelings for him were so deep, and I had became comfortable with our situation.
Because of this i felt ashamed because I was, in a sense, settling for half of someones love, time, and heart.
I knew the circumstances, and had become OK with them.
This has been the cause of a great deal of grief, confusion, saddness, and anger. I know that I am the true cause and I deifintly dont seek sympathy from anyone.
I think that writing can be therapeutic sometimes. . .
Maybe I will be able to finish the rest of the story....
To be continued...