Two years ago I drove past a club in key Biscayne Florida called Steffanos.  I was with my 8 year old daughter in the car and as I looks at the signage of the club I remembered an event that had happened there 15 years before. My wife who was my girlfriend at the time was grabbed by a man in the club as we were leaving.  I remember hearing the guy say "look who it is", he grabbed her ass and I didn't get to respond because I was a bit in front and when I went to get the guy I was blocked.  Well I was not a jealous guy so I left it thinking the guy was a drunk.  

       Later that they, I got home and my wife came out and made a comment..like " any thing interesting happened?". So I told her what I remembered... And I saw a very strange look come over her face.  I laughedit off and continued to mess around with my daughter.

   Later that night, the event would not leave my mind because of want I remember the guy saying.  Then I remembered of a thing she had had much earlier were she had been talking to a guy in college. I thought I had put a stop to it and since I was so proud and egotistical I thought It was over and she was back to being my girl...several events occurred that I realized things did nonseem to match up.  And I became totally paranoid and invented a scenario about her and I confronted her...I tikd he that I had pictures that were given to me about her and man in a car while in college.  After many months and fights she admitted that she had cheated on me.  That she had been with a man from sschhol, that she had been having very explicit sexual conversations over the phone.  This conversations lead to oral sex in the guys car for weeks. And she says that that they never had intercourse.  Well needless to say I'm destroyed, the one person I trusted played me the most.  To me it gets worst, one thing is the incredibly sexual relationship she had with that man. Another thing is what has happens the last 2 years of my life.  I asked her to just be honest so I could move on, but she has fought to keep those memoriea  and experiences.  She has blamed me for most every bad event in our relationship, specially the sexual issues.  It got so bad that one day after returning home from a 1 week at the hospital for heart failure. I got her mad and she screamed at the top of her lung how amazing the other guy was..his hot he was and how good in bed she sure he was.   I've been totally been beaten down, she has lied up and down trying to keep me at bay.  She has described the guy as a dud, a pimp, a bamboozeler,boring,gorgeous, tall and rich and the sexually boring, and devious.   But somehow I'm here because I was a great guy.....so why I'm I here?  My 10 year old daughter would be devastated our everyday family life is amazing.  We are wealthy and have incredible lives..so I also stay on because my life would really change.  Also, she has been an amazing partner, until two years ago whenni found all this out....is not about forgiving that will never happen is about how do I cope with the bad when 95% of my life is perfect....I try but when my brain takes off. In rants there's nothing I can do.